Chancing Fate
by JMCullen09
Summary: After relocating to Forks with her parents to take ownership of the family store, Bella Swan meets an angry Edward Cullen - who happens to work at her parent's store, but not by choice. Both have secrets and pain. Is their meeting coincidence or fate? OOC
1. Chapter 1: Welcome To Forks

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

I know this might seem like your typical Bella/Edward in highschool fanfic, but it'll veer off to something different. I'm just setting the stage. ;-)

* * *

**Chancing Fate**

**Prologue**

"I don't understand," I whispered.

"What's there to understand?" He spoke flatly, eyes averted away from me toward the boxes of inventory lining the far wall in the backroom of my parent's store. But his normally confident self was faltering, visible by the slight tremor his hands made at his sides.

"You just said… you wanted me." I bit my lip, feeling the heat begin at my face, whispering its way down to my chest. I hated being this transparent.

"Yeah." He still remained indifferent, still keeping his eyes off me.

"I mean…" I paused, hesitant to continue, but the curiosity won out. "I didn't expect for you to feel… that way. Are you afraid or embarrassed to… uh… want me?" I rationalized that this could be a trick, that he could be bating me for some kind of self-enjoyment in torturing me. And though I accepted that was a possibility, something in my gut told me that wasn't the case.

His head snapped in my direction, eyes flaming with what appeared to be anger, darkening the bright green of his eyes to an almost black tinged with a red fire of lust. Finally, there was some kind of emotion. The right side of his lips turned up as he smirked, but his eyes still burned with rage and desire. "It's not that I'm afraid or embarrassed of wanting you, Bella. It's not fear or embarrassment of wanting. You wanna know what it is? It's about wanting you too much, especially when I shouldn't want you. I've tried not to. God knows I've fucking tried not to feel anything for you."

I stepped backward as he stalked toward me, coming to a halt as my body collided with a wall. I was thrilled and terrified by his reaction. He placed his hands on either side of me, blocking me from moving, and my body instantly ignited from the proximity of his nearness. I could feel his warm breath on my mouth, taste him as my tongue dipped out to drag a path across my bottom lip. Being this close to me, this was not something Edward did. "I fucking _want_ you," he admitted through gritted teeth. "And I fucking hate that I do. So stop. Stop whatever it is you're doing."

**Chapter 1: Welcome to Forks**

"This could be good for you, Bella, for all of us. Your father and I have a good feeling about moving here," My mother assured me. I wasn't sure who she was trying to convince more, me or her. The scenery was breezing by as I glanced out the window into unfamiliar territory, but I could make out the wind whipping her short, light brown hair in every direction through my peripherals as she rolled down the window, throwing out a piece of now tasteless gum. I'd just barely blinked when the sign "Welcome to Forks" came into view, now pelted by freshly fallen rain. Apparently, where February meant snow for some, it meant rain for Forks.

Seeing that sign, knowing that I was here instead of in Phoenix, made my already sour mood peak. I realized that moving here and taking over the Higgenbotham Store from my mom's Uncle Bart - who was finally going into retirement at eighty years of age - would benefit us financially because Charlie's less than stellar income as a cop wasn't paying the bills we accumulated, but Phoenix was my home, where my friends were. And even though Charlie had been transferred to the Forks Police Department and was okay with the relocation, I wasn't okay with it. Now I had no one and was left to start all over again.

At least in Phoenix, everyone knew my medical history, knew why I always wore turtlenecks. I hated looking in the mirror, seeing the mark on my chest. It was a constant reminder of the stress I'd put on my parents emotionally and financially, while screaming out harshly how damaged I was. I'd never be normal, never be pretty.

Most people felt pity for me, which I didn't want, because I was the girl who had had a bad heart that needed replaced, but there had been just a handful that made fun of me, saying the new heart I was given belonged to an animal. They'd obviously watched _Untamed Heart_ one too many damn times.

"Well, we're here." Charlie pulled into something I assumed was supposed to be a driveway - one that was obviously taken from its mother too soon, because you could barely fit one vehicle on it - that sat adjacent to a small, two-story white house. There was one giant tree nestled in the front yard and a few bushes that etched either side of the stairway leading to the front door.

"It's…quaint," Renee responded. That was her polite way of saying she hated it.

"So, Bells, what do ya think?" Charlie asked as we climbed out of the old 4-door Sedan.

I glanced over the top of the car, shrugging as I pulled the hat of my sweatshirt over my head.

"Look, Bella, I know you don't want to be here, but we are. You're just going to have to learn to accept it. This is home now."

"This might be home to you, but it's not home to me. I miss Phoenix," I huffed. I was acting childish, I knew this, but I'd just been taken from the only home I knew with very little notice and no allowance of my opinion.

"We had no choice. It-"

"Yeah, Dad, I know," I interrupted harshly. "I'm the reason we went bankrupt and had to move. I already got the memo about how burdensome I've been."

"Bella, that's not what your father-"

"Can we just go inside?" I slammed the door and marched up toward the stairs, not glancing back.

The house appeared smaller inside than it did outside. As soon as we entered the front door, there was a wooden staircase off to the left and a long hallway beside the stairwell that led to the kitchen. To the right of the front entrance was the living room, which had a tiny fireplace in the center, and off the living room was the dining room.

Charlie had already had our belongings, other than clothing and necessities we needed, delivered by movers several days prior. We'd only stayed behind to tie up some loose ends. Most of the furniture was set in place and boxes marked "living room" in black permanent ink was stacked against the far wall.

I stepped forward, observing each room and its contents. Of course, the movers were efficient, leaving each labeled box in its appropriate room.  
"What's all upstairs?" I asked, coming out of the kitchen.

Charlie set the two boxes he was carrying on the couch and faced me. "The bedrooms are upstairs, and so is the bathroom."

"Okay." I approached the stairs, carefully moving up them. "Well, I'm going to go find my room, I guess."

"Yours is the first one to the left," Charlie called up to me.

"Thanks," I mumbled back.

The door was already open, my bed and belongings sitting inside. I didn't own much, so there weren't many boxes with my name on them inside.

I searched for the box with my name that was outlined by a heart, opening it carefully to find Mitzi Belle, the stuffed rabbit I'd had since I was five. My nana, Marie, bought it for me for my fifth birthday, and I kept it, unable to part with it after she passed away. It was the only thing I had left that was just between me and her, other than my middle name.

I pulled Mitzi Belle to my chest, wrapping my arms around her stuffed body as I pressed my nose against her soft fur, inhaling a scent I knew well, one I'd grown up to, one I'd forever miss; Phoenix.

"Well, Mitzi Belle," I sighed in defeat. "I guess this is home sweet home."

The next two days were spent unpacking all the boxes and putting them where Renee wanted them, all done in between trips to settle the legalities of the store's ownership being transferred over to my parents. It wasn't an issue because there was no one to contest, considering we were really the only family left in the Higgenbotham line.

We must have moved the furniture around in the living room at least a dozen times before Renee was satisfied. By the evening of the second day, everything was organized, but we were exhausted.

We ordered pizza for dinner, and once we were done eating, I showered and headed to bed, trying to ignore the tension settling in my body. I was starting Forks High School tomorrow, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

I tossed and turned most of the night, slamming my fists into my comforter as I growled in a low whisper my aggravation. I was too nervous to sleep. I'd only been asleep for a couple hours when my alarm went off.

I begrudgingly got out of bed, throwing on the skinny blue jeans, a white long sleeve turtleneck and blue sweater that I'd laid out the night before. I completely disregarded the full length mirror that Renee had Charlie install to my bedroom door. The mirror was useless, considering I didn't really want to see anything below my neck if I had the choice. When I'd actually gotten the courage to look at that scar, with much pressure from Renee to do so, I didn't see that it was just over my chest, I saw it covering my entire body, and I spent the better part of an hour in the bathroom emptying my stomach from disgust.

I attempted to tame the rat's nest I called hair, but my curls had a mind of their own and usually did what they wanted. I settled for wetting them down, a little hair gel and a headband.

I didn't really wear makeup other than a small amount of mascara, so waking up forty minutes before I had to leave wasn't an issue for me. I threw on my black flats, grabbed my book bag and headed downstairs with just enough time for a cup of coffee and a muffin.

"You ready to go, Bells?" Charlie asked.

I glanced down at my watch and nodded after seeing I had no time left. I was really left with no other choice; I had to go to school. I swallowed thickly and followed Charlie out to the car.

Charlie climbed in the driver's side. He'd already started the car to warm it up. He waited to speak until the car was moving. "I didn't have a chance to talk to you last night before you went to bed."

I turned my head away from the window and watching houses blur by to face him. "What about?"

"Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, but with the mood I can see that you're in, I figured telling you now may cheer you up a bit." A small smile pulled at his lips.

And now I was curious where this conversation was heading. "What surprise?" The moment the words left my mouth, I had a flash of Renee planning a gathering of some kind, inviting stray children over to introduce me to. I cringed internally because it was something she'd do. "Please tell me mom isn't throwing me some kind of welcoming party with strays?"

He laughed. "Strays?"

"You know, neighborhood kids we don't know. You know how she gets about my social life."

"I promise, Bells," he chuckled. "That's not was I was talking about."

My brow furrowed. "So… uh… what were you talking about then?"

"Your own car." His smile grew wider. "I don't have much in the way of money, as you know, but I managed to scrimp and save a little over a grand."

My mouth dropped open in shock. "How, Dad? We didn't really have-"

"It doesn't matter how," he said, cutting me off. "I just did. So after school, I figured we could see if we can't find something in our price range. Sound good?"

I may have been irrationally angry at my parents for the move, but I didn't expect them to spend money on me I knew they didn't really have. But no matter how much I protested, I knew Charlie was reaching out to me, trying to do something to make me happy because he knew I wasn't. I felt guilty for giving him such a hard time, because I knew what they'd sacrificed for me, what they were_ still_ sacrificing for me so that I had a chance to live. And as unhappy as I was, I vowed to keep it to myself, buried inside with the heart that wasn't really mine, to give my parents the chance they'd given me.

After Charlie dropped me off in the school parking lot, I shuffled slowly toward the entrance doors, trying to block out the sight of lowered heads and whispers falling from lips that ricocheted off the dampened asphalt toward my line of hearing. Of course they'd be discussing the new girl.

I found the office easy enough and spoke with a Mrs. Cope, who gave me my schedule, locker and combination. She introduced me to a mousy little dark-haired girl that had to have been stunted once she reached nearly five feet. I almost laughed because she seemed too young to be a high schooler, but the joke was obviously on me. She was instructed to give me a tour of the school, then show me to my first class. Mrs. Cope gave us both passes, knowing we'd be late, then excused us.

The moment we stepped out of the office into the hallway, she morphed into this chatty ball of unending energy while grabbing my schedule from my right hand. She reminded me of that energizer bunny in the commercials.

"So, I'm Alice Cullen. I think you already know that because Mrs. Cope told you that, but yeah… I'm Alice. So where did you come from?" I went to answer her, but she continued with her questioning, nearly bouncing with each step we took simultaneously. "So how do you like it here so far? I bet you hate it, right? I hate all the rain. It rains here all the time. And there's not really much to do either. That's why most teenagers spend their weekends up in Port Angeles."

She inhaled sharply, because she'd practically rushed everything she said in one breath, before speaking again. "That's the auditorium where we have gym." I nodded, knowing exactly what an auditorium was. We walked a bit further, with unending conversation on her part, before she stopped, pointing out another room that happened to be the lunchroom. I was able to get in a few words as we continued our trek around the school, me skirting around people so I wasn't knocked over and her pointing out all the places I'd need to know, including my classes.

Alice was interesting to say the least, but even though she exuded enthusiasm and energy, I actually liked her. She seemed to be a genuinely sweet person. I think I learned more about her than she learned about me – which was okay, in my opinion. I found out she had a brother, Edward Cullen, who by the look on her face told me wasn't a very nice person. She may have even implied he was a bit of a troublemaker. Her mother, Esme Cullen, was a homemaker who liked to make crafts as a hobby, and her father, Carlisle Cullen, was the Chief Physician at Forks Hospital. I was even informed of the "must knows" as she referred them. That group included Emmet McCarty, his girlfriend Rosalie Hale, her brother Jasper (Alice's boyfriend), Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton, some Lauren girl and a few others.

By the time we reached my first period class, which had been in session nearly fifteen minutes, my ears felt like they were about to fall off and my brain was going to implode from information overload.

She stopped abruptly, bouncing on the heels of her feet as she handed me my schedule back. "Okay, Isabella, here's your first class… English."

"Just Bella," I corrected.

She rolled her eyes, laughing. "Okay, _just Bella_, here's your first class."

Up until this point, I'd felt at ease. Alice's constant conversation had helped me to forget for just a little while that I was somewhere new and alone. "Thanks," I whispered. My heart was starting to bang in my chest again, my stomach once more unsettled as the tension crept its way back through my body.

"Okay, I'll see you later then." She turned around, taking two steps before spinning around where she stood. "Oh, I almost forgot. We have Trig and Spanish together, and there aren't assigned seats in those classes so we could totally sit together, then you could sit with me at lunch if you want."

I was normally the "suffer in silence" type, well, when I knew where the hell I was, but I was beyond thankful for Alice's offer. "Sounds good."

She clapped her hands together excitedly, and I had to suppress outright laughing at her, settling for a grand smile instead. "Great. I'll see you third period, Bella."

She practically skipped off to class, and I had to wonder how someone could be so animate about school. I laughed to myself, then turned to face the classroom door and the onslaught of unknown that would follow once I entered that room.

I swear, the moment I opened the door and stepped inside, twenty pairs of eyes latched onto my form like parasites, moving with me. I was beyond uncomfortable. I approached the teacher, who I learned was named Mr. Berty, and gave him my office pass.

He handed me an English book, embarrassingly introduced me to the entire class, then instructed me toward a seat beside a tall, rather beautiful blonde. To say I looked plain beside her was an understatement. Her icy blue eyes were watching me, sizing me up, as I sat down. I gave her a small smile, to which she sneered before her focus turned back toward the front of the class.

I suppose her reaction to me wasn't unexpected. I mean, if you looked at her, then looked at me and added in the fact that I was new, well, it made perfect sense.

So I made no further attempt to converse with the girl, though I hardly considered smiling conversing but whatever. I at least made an effort.

I caught a few people staring back at me, heard a few whispers regarding me, but I steadied my shaking hands as best I could and looked forward at Mr. Berty for the remainder of class.

I made sure to be the last out the door when the bell rang and decided to head straight to my next class in hopes to beat most the other students there. My next class was Government. There were only a few students seated inside and when I approached the desk I was assigned, I kept myself pretty well curtained by my hair. Yeah, I was definitely being cowardice, but I didn't want a repeat of English.

I sat down, keeping my head lowered, eyes on my desk. Unfortunately, when I heard loud laughter, my need to know who was causing it overrode my need to hide. I looked up, noticing a head of dark curls amass the head of the biggest body I'd ever seen. His size was beyond intimidating, but the twinkle in his eyes as he laughed and the way he carried himself blatantly stated his bark was worse than his bite.

He was followed by two others, but I couldn't make out one of them because he was cloaked behind the human Gargantua and they were stalled near the entryway. The one I could see was blonde, tall as well. He was cute, very cute, but was definitely that beach bum type. He had nice dimples when he smiled, though. He was so not my type, not that I had the intention of searching out my type or anything. I was all about the academics and shit. I lowered my head, feeling my lips turn upward involuntarily when I realized I was being sarcastic and it was mentally with myself, which clearly did not count because it was aimed at me and not someone else. I was definitely inane, but I spent a better part of my days emotionally alone, and sometimes being snarky with myself was all I had.

I repeated the same technique through Government, refusing to look at anyone but the teacher. And if anyone looked at me, I didn't know about it. They certainly didn't try to talk to me.

I was thankful I wasn't embarrassed with introductions this class, so I was free to sit in the back of the room in solitude.

The next two classes did, in fact, have Alice in them. And true to her word, she sat beside me. I could tell it was a difficult feat for Alice not to talk, but she managed.

When lunch came around, I grabbed an apple and a juice, my stomach still unsettled so I wasn't chancing it with food, and followed Alice to a table. She introduced me to everyone at the table; Angela Webber, Ben Cheney, Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie. We were soon joined by Gargantua, who I learned was Emmett McCarty, Dimples Jasper Hale and the blonde I dubbed Frosty, Rosalie.

Everyone was extremely friendly other than Rosalie. She wasn't rude, per say. She just never even spoke to me.

"You'll have to forgive Rosalie." Alice leaned in and whispered. "She's not normally this rude, honestly. She's got a lot going on at home, and it's affecting her more than Jasper."

"It's alright," I whispered back.

She smiled. "But if it's any consolation, she's treating us all the way. It's not just you."

I finished lunch, speaking only when I was spoken to – which ended up being more than I really wanted to on my first day. Everyone seemed to have so many questions, and some I wasn't comfortable discussing.

By the time I reached fifth period, Biology, I was once again conversationally exhausted. Mr. Banner welcomed me to class, handed me my book and seated me at the last open seat. I was just opening my notebook, readying it for notes, when a blur of color breezed by me, seating itself in the seat beside me in a fury.

I glanced up, meeting steely green eyes. I think I gasped. It's quite possible I did, and if so, it was for a number of reasons. I'd never seen eyes so green. It was to the point I felt as if I were staring into one of those glow sticks. And they were hard, angered, but set in the most beautiful face I'd ever seen. His features were a bit angular with high cheekbones, chiseled jawline and a straight nose. His lips were full, but there was a fresh cut across the bottom one, like he'd been punched in the face. My eyes lifted just a fraction, noticing a large red mark underneath his left eye. He'd definitely been fighting. I barely made it to the copper toned disarray of hair covering his head when he spoke, effectively making me feel fifty times smaller than I was.

"Quit fucking looking at me," he growled.

I immediately turned my head - briefly catching the blood on his knuckles as he tapped his fingers against the table - burning with embarrassment for being caught ogling him, but also because his words dripped with so much venom I felt like someone had literally slapped me in the face.

I hid my face even deeper inside my hair, willing my overly thumping heart to calm, because I was sure if he listened, he'd hear it. Obviously, if I had no inclination as to how the rest of the school year would go, I did now and it did not look good.


	2. Chapter 2:My Inner Cashier

Here we are with Chapter 2. Thank you so much for the read and reviews. You guys are awesome!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

I did do research and asked medical advice on transplant victims. All the information I provide may not be completely accurate, I am not a doctor. I go off what I've been told and read. But what I've learned is transplant recipients can resume normal activities 6 months after surgery, as long as the recipient feels comfortable doing so. Bella will not be doing anything that will overexert her. You'll learn as you go that Bella occasionally pushes herself so she can be "normal". But transplant recipients can lead normal lives. They can ride bikes, run, play with their kids, do things like that. There are even HTR's that run marathons. Here is the blog to one. I assure you, HTR's aren't as fragile as some may think.

http://hearttransplantironman[dot]blogspot[dot]com/

* * *

**Chapter 2: My Inner Cashier**

"So, how was school?" Charlie asked the moment I opened the passenger door.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Well, they're all… very welcoming."

"Did something happen?"

I shook my head. "It's fine. Just the norm." I quickly changed the subject. "Where's mom?"

Charlie knew when to let things lie. "Oh, she's at the store. I dropped her there this morning. She wanted to familiarize herself with the place and staff. You know, jump right on in."

Even after being together nearly twenty years, my parents were still so much in love. Charlie wasn't one to show emotion often, completely opposite my mother, but you knew when he loved you. You could see it written clearly upon his face.

I chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds like mom."

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, half smile upon his lips. "You still interested in that car, because I think I may have found the perfect one?"

* * *

"Wow," I murmured. "It's so… red."

Charlie laughed. "She's a beauty, isn't she?"

_Was he being sarcastic right now?_

"How old is this thing, anyway?" I asked, mainly because I wasn't positive it had enough juice to leave Billy Black's front yard let alone get me back and forth to school.

"It's a 1953," Billy answered, quickly adding, "But she runs good. My son, Jake, is a master mechanic and he takes care of her himself. She's current on her tune-ups, so you won't need to worry about her falling apart any time soon."

You could tell the man was proud of his son's mechanical expertise. And what was it with guy's referring to their cars as he or she? I never understood it.

"I doubt that," I mumbled under my breath.

"What's that?" Charlie's eyes narrowed as he looked at me, waiting for my response.

"Uh, I said that's great." I had to turn away, lest he see the lie upon my face in the form of a traitorous blush. _Damn traitorous, blush inducing adenylyl cyclase_.

He either chose to ignore my under breath burst, because it wasn't an outburst, or he believed me. Either way, his attention was on discussing the red bomb we were standing next to.

"So how much?"

"I was asking fifteen."

"For this?" I blurted out before thinking.

Charlie frowned at me before looking back at Billy again. "You willing to go lower than that? She isn't exactly in her prime."

"No, but she's a classic," Billy clarified. "Well, what's your offer?"

"Seven."

Billy shook his head. "That's less than half of what I'm asking."

"Alright, eight then."

"Eight-fifty and you have yourself a deal."

"You drive a hard bargain, but we'll take it."

I was now the proud owner of a 1953 red Chevy bomb.

* * *

As we pulled into the store parking lot, I in my parent's car and my dad in my not so new truck, I noticed the place was thriving for such a small town. It was a good thing, though. That's what I kept telling myself. Good business meant a better income, and that meant less debt for my parents.

Charlie met me at the driver's side door of his car. "I think we should go ahead and do an oil change, maybe get some new tires before you start driving it regularly."

"Okay." was all I said.

I wasn't sure what I expected when I walked inside, maybe just a grocery store, but it kind of reminded me of a smaller version of Target or Walmart. As soon as you entered the electric doors, carts were lined up against a divider in three aisles to the right of where you walked. After you rounded the carts, straight ahead to the left were five checking lanes, all but one equipped with a cashier. And to the left of the lanes was a small stairwell that sat nestled against and led up to a mostly glass covered room that looked out upon the store. If I had to guess, I would say it's where the manager spent most of his/her day.

Directly behind me was the Customer Support counter. Two girls were standing awkwardly against the counter, chatting as they waited for customers. I briefly scanned the aisles, finding one half was the food section and the other held a miniscule portion of clothing, essentials and a few electronics. It certainly wasn't grand, but there was enough there to get people by in a pinch. And as far as food, there wasn't anything you needed that wasn't here because that was what the majority of the store contained.

"Not so bad, heh?" Charlie said, coming up behind me. "It's not very big, but it does get plenty of business. Before Bart had this place built, there was only one small grocery store here."

I shrugged. "Yeah, it's not so bad. Is mom up there?" I pointed toward the glass encased room.

"Probably."

We started for the room and had just made it to the steps when Renee started down them. "Hey, you two."

"How's things going here?" Charlie asked, looking around.

"Good," she smiled. "We had one cashier quit yesterday, so I need to fill that position right away, but things are good."

"You got one right here." I spun around to face my dad, wondering who he was talking about. It was obviously me because that's where his eyes were focused.

"Why me?"

"Did you or did you not say before we moved that you wanted a job?"

"Uh… yeah."

"Exactly. This place needs a cashier and you need a job."

"Yeah, but when I said I needed a job, I meant getting paid to do it."

"And who says you wouldn't get paid?" Renee questioned.

"I just thought that-"

"You'd be paid just like all the other employees are," Charlie explained. "It'll help teach you responsibility." I scoffed at this comment because I was probably the most responsible seventeen year old I knew. "Don't give me attitude, Bella."

"I wasn't," I responded defensively. "But you act as if I'm not responsible."

"I was meaning financially," he clarified. "You don't have that experience, and working will help you learn financial responsibility because you'll be responsible for maintaining half of your vehicle cost and the gas you use."

"There goes my entire paycheck," I teased.

Charlie shook his head, glaring at me. "Not funny."

Renee seized the moment to interrupt, mostly to calm the situation before it escalated. "Did you end up finding a vehicle for Bella?"

Charlie smiled proudly. "I did. The man asked for fifteen hundred, but I suckered him down to eight-fifty."

I laughed at this. There was some suckering alright, and Charlie was not the one doing it.

Charlie's expression turned perplexed. "What's so funny?"

I chuckled, patting him on the back. "Nothing, Dad."

He shook his head, then asked Renee if she wanted to see the truck. She accepted, and when I made no move to follow, they asked if I was tagging along. I declined, saying I wanted to familiarize myself with my new place of employment. They accepted, and I began my venture through the store.

I walked the main aisle, scanning the others as I moved. I noticed midway through the building a metal door at the back wall. I figured now that I was an employee and the place was owned by my parents, I was free to go back there.

And so I did.

I pushed through the door, entering what looked like a mini warehouse. The floors were cemented and there were quite a few shelves lined with items that were inside the store. A box compactor sat to the right of the doorway, but there wasn't much else on that side, so I turned to the left, passing more shelves and boxes that littered the ground in front of them. It wasn't exactly messy, but you could tell a delivery had been made today.

At the end of the walkway was a small hallway to the right. But just before you reached the hallway, you came upon the time clock – which was stationed right beside the break room.

I was curious as to what was down the hallway, so I continued on. There were two doors on either side, one being a utility closet and the other an employee restroom.

I was just turning around, getting ready to make my way out of the backroom and back into the store when I heard a female whimper coming from the utility closet. I halted my stepping, unsure if I'd actually heard the noise or not. But more importantly, I was curious as to why the hell someone would be inside a utility closet crying. It made more sense to do that shit in the bathroom, but whatever.

A couple minutes later and when I was to the point I thought I imagined the sound, I heard it again. Now I had to make a choice. Do I open that door and see who was inside, or do I pretend I didn't hear them? I had no idea why they'd be in there or what their reaction would be if I barged in on them. But finally, when I heard the sound for a third time, I decided to see if they needed help or something.

I reached the handle, turning it gently because I didn't want to startle the person. It gave way easily, and I pulled the door open. The moment I looked inside, I wanted to take back the notion of even considering looking inside.

At first I was paralyzed, other than my mouth hanging open and my eyes bugging out of my head. But when the heat of embarrassment/mortification rushed my body, it was enough to jar me into mobility. "What the… what the-" I couldn't even finish the words I was so shocked and repulsed.

What I'd heard had not been whimpering, it had been moaning. There inside that closet was none other than the boy from my Biology class and a strawberry blonde kneeled before him, giving him a blowjob. His hands were gripping her hair, but they pulled tighter the moment his eyes met mine. And the lust that overcast his eyes morphed to anger.

I quickly slammed the door, not even sure what to do next. I stood there a few seconds, blinking perpetually, trying to rationalize what I just saw. What the hell? I was shocked, yes. I mean, who does that sort of thing in the utility closet of a store… my parent's store? I had to tell Renee and Charlie.

I forced myself to move, nearly tripping over my feet as my stepping progressed. I'd just rounded the corner, heading back toward the door leading into the store, when I felt a hand grasp my upper arm roughly, yanking me back, then spinning me around. I found myself looking into those green eyes again, seeing so much anger within them and it was all directed at me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he raged. "Don't you know how to fucking knock?"

_Because, of course, people tend to have oral sex in utility closets and deserve the respect of a knock._

My mind rationalized the absurdity of his question, but the more I stared at him, into those eyes, the weaker I became. My throat felt constricted by the animosity seeping through his touch and blazing within his eyes. I tried to speak, to do something to deflect the hatred pouring off him, but I could only stutter words. "I… I thought-"

I saw the strawberry blonde scurry past us through my peripherals, and I tried to full on look at her, to plead with her to do something, but I couldn't look away from those eyes. They were so piercing, scorching like liquid fire and as unfathomable as the deepest pit.

He was waiting for my response, and I tried, but failed miserably. He exhaled in aggravation, and his warm breath whispered across my face, electrifying my flesh and forming goosebumps. I didn't like him, not at all, but I wondered how someone's breath was able to cause such a reaction. Was it because of his anger? And in wondering, I found myself staring at his mouth.

He caught me, and I watched his lips turn up on one side. When I glanced back up, the anger was still present, though not as bone crushing, but was now accompanied by a devious smirk. He stepped closer, situating his face inches from mine, holding my eyes in place with his. I could smell him now. He smelt like cotton candy and guy mixed. It was strange, but familiar somehow. I couldn't place why, though.

"I get it. You like what you saw, don't you?" The smirk upon his face grew. "You want to suck my cock, too." His tone and the way he formulated the words made it obvious his statement was not a question. Smug bastard.

It was only after his vulgarity that I was finally able to speak because I was pissed. How dare he talk to me like that?

"You're disgusting," I spat.

"And _you_ interrupted me coming."

"Let go of my arm," I growled.

I yanked my arm free and shoved at his chest to move him, but he wouldn't budge. He had to see how angry I was now, but I think he liked it. I think he liked goading me.

"Move," I seethed.

He took another step in my direction, nearly pressing his body against mine. He bent forward, his mouth grazing my ear, causing me to shiver as he whispered, "I hate working here, but I have to be here. If you think I'm going to let you fuck me over and get me fired you're mistaken, runt. You open your mouth about what you saw, and I promise you that anything shitty you've endured before now will look mild compared to the hell I'll put you through."

Each word was as cutting as a knife slicing effortlessly through my skin, leaving jagged tears that wouldn't heal. I had no doubt he'd make good on his promise.

My steeled composure was now trembling with fear. Tears stung the corner of my eyes, and I clamped down on the inside of my cheek, praying I could at least hold those back. I'd already revealed fear by my trembling form. I didn't want to give him my tears too.

He stepped back, once again paralyzing me with that cold stare. "We clear?" All I could do was blink in response. "I'll take that as a yes." And then it was like he went bi-polar or shifted personalities. He smiled, then said before leaving me standing there a crippled mess, "You enjoy the rest of your day."

* * *

I'd barely slept, haunted by nightmares of burning green eyes and hateful words that decimated me piece by piece. It was stupid to think he was that powerful, but it didn't negate the fear my nightmares stirred. Anything was possible through imagination.

I had struggled to keep myself together, to hold back that I wasn't okay after leaving that backroom. I hardened my spine, keeping my head held high as I entered the store. I averted my eyes to anything but what was ahead of me, yet I knew _he_ was watching me, waiting for me to buckle. He'd already gotten enough satisfaction from my fear to last a lifetime. I wouldn't do it, not again.

And under the circumstances, I was doing rather well, but Charlie and Renee still mentioned that I seemed off, too quiet. The quiet got worse when Renee mentioned I'd start working at the store the following night. I, of course, blamed my lack of conversation and enthusiasm on being tired, which seemed to make sense to them with everything that happened over the last few days.

I excused myself to bed early after barely touching dinner and lay in bed, eyes scouring the ceiling, counting the dips and cracks, wondering how someone could he so damn mean. Was he just that way, or had something happened to him to make him such a prick? Regardless, in my eyes, there was no excuse.

It wasn't until around three in the morning that my body finally gave in to sleep, but it was nothing but restless.

I had to pep talk myself into getting up in the morning and going to school. I was tired, I was anxious and I just wanted to go back to Phoenix. I took a shower and got dressed, then brushed my hair, leaving it down in waves that ended at the middle of my back. I took my Cyclosporin pill – it was taken to control rejection of my new heart by reducing the strength of my immune system - and headed downstairs with my bag. I put on a happy face for Charlie and Renee's benefit, then headed out to my parent's car. I found out Charlie was taking the red bomb for an oil and tire change this morning.

I endured another mental pep talk just to make myself get out of the car when we pulled into the school parking lot. I was full of pep talking today. I faked a smile for Charlie as I climbed out of the car and kept my hair curtained around my face as I moved toward the school doors. Of course this caused me to nearly run into people and objects on the way, but I managed to make it to the doors relatively unscathed and without seeing the green-eyed monster – who I learned from one of the cashiers at my parent's store was named Edward. I never found out a last name.

I dozed off through first class, my hair blanketed around my face still – falling asleep in class was something I never did, but it helped to pass the time. When class ended, I hurried to my locker and grabbed what I needed for Government.

I was doing good so far, though I was very much on edge. There were no run-ins with _Edward_. I hurried to class, seating myself at my desk. And just like the day before, I heard the loud guffaws of Emmett, who was chatting with Jasper and… Edward? What the hell? Edward was in this class? How had I not noticed him yesterday?

The figurative storm clouds over my head parted enough for sonar to spring out my ass, traveling at the speed of light directly to him, screaming out my location. His eyes immediately found me. Would I ever catch a break?

I tried not to squirm at the intensity in which he was looking at me, but it was not a feat I managed well. He saw my discomfort, causing him to smirk at me - that made me want to stab him with a fork. Obviously, my brain and body were not on the same page in response to him.

I was finally granted a minor reprieve when he took his seat, which thankfully was on the other side of the room. But I could still feel him watching me occasionally, and I knew why he was doing it. I also knew he knew that I was aware he was doing it.

Unfortunately, Government dragged, making me feel like I was sitting in a tiny room alone with him, suffocating for an eternity.

Stupidly, when there was just five minutes left of class, I chanced a glance in his direction, figuring he wouldn't see me if I stayed far enough behind my hair. I had no clue why I did this, other than I must be masochistic. I tried to be nonchalant about it, but that didn't work at all because he was staring at me and saw when I took a peek, giving his usual reaction… a smirk. God, he pissed me off.

Class ended and he was one of the first out the door. I was afraid to leave, thinking he might be waiting for me. He wasn't, and I was glad about that.

The rest of my classes up until lunch were easy enough. It helped that Edward wasn't in them. I attempted hiding at one point in Trig, but that did not go over with Alice. I didn't even bother trying to hide in Spanish. She might have thrown one of her Jimmy Choos at me. So I talked to her when we had free time and took notes and worked when we didn't.

I stopped at my locker after Spanish, Alice in tow, to drop off my books. I followed her to her locker so she could do the same, then we headed to lunch. Alice's infectious laughter and continuous conversation lightened my mood, so I was feeling comfortable enough when we entered the cafeteria and grabbed food.

We were first at the table, the others showing up after. I'd just taken a sip of my juice when Alice started talking about the Sweetheart Dance.

"I can't believe it's in ten days," she sang. "Are you gonna go?"

"Uh… no." I shook my head. "I don't really dance."

She rolled her eyes. "It's not hard to learn. And slow dancing, you basically stand in one place and sway your hips."

"Trust me," I laughed. "You don't want to be in the vicinity of me swaying anything."

She giggled, popping a grape in her mouth.

Lunch was halfway over and we were still lost in conversation. She even invited me to tag along with her to get last minute accessories she needed for her dress. I wasn't one for shopping too often, but it was nice being asked.

Lunch went smoothly, but it ended too soon. I tried to delay the inevitable, going to Biology, but I was never one to get into trouble in school, and being late would no doubt get me in trouble. I moved as slow as I could afford, but was still left with two minutes to spare. Apparently, I hadn't moved slow enough.

Edward was not at the lab table when I walked in, but I'd already had sweaty palms from the anxiety working its way through my body. I hated the idea of sitting next to him.

He managed to walk through the door just as the bell rang. Mr. Banner gave him the stink eye, but didn't reprimand him. I anticipated the worst when he sat down, but not one time did he look at me or say a word. Not once.

We had a lab on mitosis, which he did not participate in, at least not with me. We were supposed to be partnered up, but he made no effort to do so – not that I minded not working with him - so I answered the questions on my own, barely getting finished in time because he refused to share the allium root tip slide and microscope until he was done with them. And I was positive he never actually did the work.

Gym consisted of a bloody nose, not mine, but the girl that was victim of my attempt to play dodge ball. I ended up being benched for the safety of the rest of the class.

When the bell rang, I stopped at my locker, grabbing all my homework, and met Charlie out in the parking lot.

He was driving the red bomb.

When I climbed inside, he asked how my day was and if I'd noticed the new tires. I hadn't, in fact, noticed the tires, but I promised to look at them when we got home. He reminded me that I started work today, and I'd really only have enough time to go home, do my homework if I was quick, change and grab a snack before we had to leave. I wasn't really hungry, so I changed into black slacks and a white turtleneck that was paired with a white collared shirt over it, then did my Trig and English homework.

Renee and the store manager, Paula, were waiting for me in the office overlooking the front of the store when I arrived. They went into detail what was expected of me, what my job entailed, what was acceptable and not acceptable behavior. I, of course, thought back to Edward and the blonde in the utility closet during the acceptable and unacceptable speech. If my mother only knew the truth of what happened in her precious store behind her back.

She made it clear that I was in no uncertain terms to call her mom while working. This was business and I was to address her as Renee. That wasn't a difficult task, considering that's how I usually addressed her mentally anyway.

I was then introduced to the cashiers; Kelly, Jane, Nancy and Tanya. I recognized Tanya immediately.

_So that's what strawberry blonde looks like without a dick in her mouth._

Renee took me on a tour of the place, not that I hadn't seen more than enough of it already, but I went along willingly. I also met two of the stockers, Bill and Matt.

Once the tour was over, I followed Renee back up to the front of the store. I was under the impression that I'd be immediately placed at the register. However, this was not the case. I was told that Higgenbotham Store cashiers were the first and last people that a customer saw when they entered the store, and it was very important they were educated as to where everything was located. So for the next three days, I'd be working the floor with another employee to familiarize myself as to where everything was. I was not happy about this, but what could I do about it?

Paula and I were just heading out of the office with the intention of her handing me off to one of the floor workers when Edward walked in.

"You're late, Edward," she barked.

"I showed up, didn't I?" He was obviously an ass to everyone and not just me. Somehow I felt relieved by this.

"Yeah, and you showed up late." Her right hand landed on her hip, head bobbing side to side as she ranted. "You know the rules. You're to be here on time. One more strike, Edward, and you're gone. You know what that means."

The grinding of his teeth and the reddening of his cheeks gave away his anger, but that was the only thing that gave it away. Somehow he managed to suppress that hateful tongue. She quickly introduced us, though I already knew his first name and he knew mine. But I nearly shit myself when I learned he was a Cullen. My God, did I pity Alice.

"Seeing as you chose to be late today, you're now the proud recipient of training Bella on the floor for the next three days."

"What!" Edward and I screeched simultaneously, both of us glaring at Paula. Was she insane?

Not only was I unable to get away from this guy at school, I had to deal with him at work, too. And much to my dismay, it would be one-on-one for the next three days.

What the hell had I done in a previous life to deserve this shit?

* * *

Hope you enjoyed. More to come soon!


	3. Chapter 3: Bend Me, Break Me

Sorry about the delay in posting. RL has been crazy, and I broke my tailbone, so I'm sure you can imagine I've had a lot going on. Anyway, lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, who endured my self-deprecation like a champ and assured me I'm not total fail. Lol. Que quowle, bb.

Major love to my readers and reviewers, who I could not do this without. Your endless, amazing support leaves me breathless. I can never put into words how much I adore you all.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Bend Me, Break Me**

"You're serious?" Edward growled.

Paula's right eyebrow lifted and she nodded, a faint smirk pulling at the corner of her lips. "I'm very serious. The next three days, she's all yours. That is, of course, if you plan on being here like you're supposed to."

Anger ghosted over his features, his jaw taut with unspoken words I had no doubt were ugly. You could practically see the roar of obscenities stuck in his throat just as if they were a malformed lump that wouldn't swallow down. Oh, he hated her. That much was obvious. But then again, he seemed to hate everyone; especially me.

His burning eyes turned to me, his lip twitching from the ire saturating his body. "Come on," he hissed. He said nothing more, just turned on his heels and headed toward the back of the store.

I sighed deeply, swallowing back the anxiety. I begrudgingly followed, but stopped after taking several steps, turning back around to look at Paula. She was still there, still watching. I wasn't sure in that moment who she was trying to torture more, him or me, and she didn't even know me. I'd have to ask Renee later if she did something to piss her off.

I shot her a pained expression, well, more a pleading one. I was desperate here. I mean, anyone but _him_. I'd even tag along with strawberry blonde and listen to the art of blow jobs in a store closet over this, because I was sure in three days time that one of us, meaning Edward and I, wasn't making it out alive.

"You'll be fine, Bella," she told me, giving me a warm smile. "I think training you is just what Edward needs." She started turning around, but stopped short. "Oh, and if he tries to make you do any heavy lifting, which I'm fully aware you aren't supposed to be doing, let him know you have restrictions."

There it was again, the reminder of my fragility. I narrowed my eyes at her – she was coddling me, though technically she was right about the heavy lifting. I hated that I wasn't "normal". I mean, really, there were transplant patients running marathons, doing things every day that healthy people did. So how was that particular strain on a body any different than lifting something heavy? Maybe I was naïve, maybe I was wrong, but strain was strain in my book, and I knew my hard limits, what I could handle. And I seriously hated that I had to defend my ability to handle.

It wasn't her fault, I knew that, but I hated that people looked at me with pity, indulged me with too much care and sensitivity because I had a bad heart and it had been replaced by someone else's. That's why I put up a fight with Renee and Charlie to attend gym, though it was only agreed upon between us and the school that I participate in nothing strenuous – which basically meant I'd spend the majority of my time as a bench ornament.

I'd only wanted a semblance of normalcy instead of being branded the weak girl whose new heart was possibly animal. I had to laugh at that. Teenagers could be idiots.

But the need for normalcy, to be _normal_, it's why I pushed myself above the limits I was confined to. I wanted to _live_, because only God knew how much time on this earth I had left, and if I were to go with statistics, it wasn't all that long. When the time came, I wanted to feel no remorse for missing out on living. I wanted to be able to say I did what I wanted to. No regrets. So, yeah, I participated in gym today. And yeah, admittedly, it might have partially been out of rebellion, but I wanted to _prove_ I could do it. I wasn't a timid, breakable doll, though Renee would probably shit herself if she knew I managed to sneak by and play dodge ball. You gotta love substitutes.

So I held my tongue, deciding I'd get through the next three days no matter what. I resigned myself to only talking to him if I absolutely had to. Yeah, I could do my job with as little talking as possible. It shouldn't be too hard because he didn't seem to be the talkative type unless he was verbally abusing someone, anyway.

I nodded my head and started down the path that Edward took. I ended up finding him in the back room near the time clock.

He forcibly slammed his timecard down inside the slot, then shoved it back in the holder beside it where the other timecards sat. I stepped around him, casually glancing at the names on the cards to see if I had one. I didn't.

"What are you doing just standing there?" he spat.

My head snapped in his direction, catching his angry gaze immediately. "I was looking for my timecard. I don't see one there with my name on it. I should probably have one since I'm an employee, right? I'll need to punch in like everyone else. Maybe I should ask for one." Jesus, what was I doing? Here I was already breaking the barely speaking to him rule, and I basically just asked him a question and explained in detail what I was doing. I had no idea why I did this. My mouth opened and words spilled out before my brain had time to register I was even speaking.

He shook his head. "Let's go. The sooner I get this shit over with the happier I'll be."

"Asshole," I whisper/growled.

"What was that?" he asked. His voice was eerily calm then, but the look within his eyes showed anything but calm. There was a thunderous storm brewing there. The green of his irises were like liquid fire, ready to burn and obliterate anything it touched, reminding me of that mythological creature, Medusa, but without the snake hair and stone thing.

I was determined to get this night over with without incident, and throwing insults back and forth or arguing would not be without incident. He was still an asshole, though. At least my inner voice had no worry of holding back the words.

"After you." I motioned with my left hand.

He grunted or whatever the hell the noise was that filtered off his lips, put on his smock and handed me one off a nearby shelf – which I put on, though I hated the shit brown color - then started toward the entryway back into the store area. I followed behind him, keeping a few feet distance between us. We ended up stopping in the cereal aisle in front of a cart that held boxes.

He reached into the pocket of his smock, pulling out two pairs of scissors. He sat one down on the box closest to me, then thrust the other into the tape that bound the top box closed, shredding its hold over the box so he could open it. I watched him curiously, wondering why he used scissors instead of a box cutter. Of course I had to verbalize the question, once again breaking my rule. "Why do you use scissors instead of a box cutter?"

I mentally chastised myself for doing so, but eased up on myself when he didn't answer. I just brushed it off as an involuntary reaction that didn't count if he didn't respond back. Stupid, yeah, but it worked for me. Apparently, though, he must have heard my inner musings because he decided five minutes after I asked the question he'd grace me with an answer. "If you aren't eighteen, then you don't get a box cutter. That's the bullshit rules. Now quit standing there and help me out." He pointed toward the boxes, but kept his eyes on the box he was working out of. "Everything on that cart goes in this aisle." He finally lifted his head to look at me, smug expression upon his face. "You think you can handle that much, or do I need to perform a demonstration?"

"Yeah, wise master of the boxes," I scoffed, the words hitting the air before I had time to put the brake on them and realize I was vocalizing them rather than just thinking them. "I think I can handle it."

"What did you just call me?" he asked in a biting tone.

So much for going without incident.

"Look, I-"

My words caught in the back of my throat the moment he stalked toward me, placing his body just inches from mine. The cart of boxes was directly behind me, he was directly in front of me, so there was no chance of moving away from him. He was so close now, so close that I could feel his breath on my face, warming my skin, and smell cologne mixed with the faint scent of cigarette smoke. His lips pulled up into a half smirk, eyes blazing into mine.

"You've got a smart mouth, new girl-" He paused, his smirk growing. "Maybe someone should show you what to do with it."

My eyes widened, my face flushed from his words and the proximity of his body to mine, and I struggled to formulate a response, but before I even had a chance to say anything once my brain pushed through being muddled, I heard a voice to the left of me.

"Is there a problem, Edward?" It was Paula.

He kept his eyes on me when he answered her. "There's no problem. I was just explaining to, uh… to…"

"Bella," Paula supplied.

"Yeah, Bella." He finally took his eyes off me as he moved a step back and glanced in her direction, speaking in a clipped tone. "I was showing Bella here how to unload the boxes."

She stared at him incredulously, but apparently decided not to challenge him. "Good. You do that." She shifted her eyes from him to me. "Let me know if you have any problems, Bella."

"Uh… thanks," I told her. "But I'm fine."

She nodded. "Okay, well, I'll let you get back to work."

I turned around quickly, reaching for the scissors that were obviously meant for me, and began opening one of the boxes. I didn't bother to look up when Edward moved past me toward the box he'd already been working on. My body was still reeling from what happened between us before Paula interrupted, so the less I acknowledged him the better I'd be. I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath to calm my traitorous body. I didn't like the way he made me feel. It was so damn confusing because my mind screamed to stay away, but my heart said something different. I'd never felt so out of control of myself and it was almost suffocating.

I had no idea how I'd make it through the rest of the night, let alone two more days with him. Luckily, for today, I was granted some Edward downtime. He only spoke to me twice more the remainder of our shift.

* * *

After I pulled into the school parking lot, driving the red bomb, I spotted Alice getting out of the passenger seat of a silver Volvo. I grabbed my book bag, then hurriedly climbed out of my truck and began walking toward her. She spotted me immediately.

"Hey, Bella," she beamed.

"Hey, Alice," I smiled back. Just as I neared her, the driver's side door opened and out stepped none other than Edward Cullen.

He glared in my direction, then slammed the door of his car and started toward the school doors.

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath. Why the hell did he get under my skin so much?

"So," Alice began, her words interrupting my staring after Edward. "I heard you work at Higgenbotham's, which ironically is where Edward works."

"Yeah, I know," I answered dryly. "But I don't just work there. My parents own it."

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "I've heard." We headed for the school doors and were just walking inside when she started speaking again. "You can obviously tell Edward isn't… uh… real nice to people." I hmphed in agreement. "Dad was asking Edward how work went during dinner. He didn't really expect him to answer because normally Edward doesn't, but dad tries, you know? Edward normally just grunts, throws insults at us or gets up and leaves the table, but he actually spoke last night."

"Is that right?"

"He mentioned the new girl he was stuck training, though his words were a little more colorful."

"I can imagine," I said through gritted teeth. She sighed beside me, and instinctively I glanced at her, meeting her eyes, seeing some kind of emotion reflecting back. What was that? Hope? I shrugged it off, sure I was misinterpreting. "Well, I'm glad I could help with a topic for dinner conversation, even if I wasn't present."

She stopped walking and turned to face me, sadness overcast her features. "You don't understand, Bella. Edward doesn't talk about work. He doesn't talk about anything that has to do with himself. I mean, not since-" She paused. "He just doesn't do it. Not even to the girls he, well, you know. Oh, he talks to Jasper and Emmett. He acts like everything's fine to his guy friends, though he doesn't hide his short temper from them, but it's easy because they don't care about being personal with him. It's all sports and sex for the most part.

"But his family, he punishes us. The idea of family now, well, that's something he wants no part of. It's a reminder to him. He's awful to us all, but more so to my mom. He wants nothing to do with her, and it breaks her heart. Sometimes I really think he hates us. But last night he mentioned being stuck training you. He said something about you having a smart mouth, but that was it."

Honestly, I was curious why she was telling me this, what it was that she wasn't telling me about Edward and if Edward never really talked about anything that pertained to him, why he chose to last night and involve me. Yeah, I was definitely curious, but I didn't want her to know that, so I acted uninterested.

"Really?" My tone was sarcastic. "I never would have guessed he's less than cordial all the time. But then, I guess you don't really need manners and good communication skills to coax someone into a supply closet, do you?"

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

I opened my mouth, but felt a pang of guilt for what I'd said to her. Regardless of how I felt toward Edward, nothing he did was her fault, and I didn't need to involve her or disrespect him in front of her. "It's nothing." I shook my head, then smiled at her, once again moving down the halls toward our lockers. "So, you ready for that big Spanish test?"

She chuckled. "Honestly, no. I'm not that good at Spanish, but I did study."

"You'll do fine," I assured her.

By the time we reached my locker, she was in full blown Alice mode again. Not a hint of the sadness I'd seen minutes before was left upon her face. I barely knew her, but I liked Alice, and I liked seeing her happy. I had a feeling she didn't have much to be happy about when she was home.

And, of course, that led me to wondering why. English went by in a blur because I spent the majority of the time trying to imagine what could have been so bad to make Edward turn out the way he did, for him to shun his family like that. And his poor mom, why did she get the brunt of it? I wanted to ask Alice, I wanted to know, but it really wasn't any of my business.

I hated that I wanted to figure Edward out. There he was, this mysterious puzzle, and I, for some strange reason, wanted to learn every piece. Something in my heart told me to. But I was a stupid girl, and my heart was a stupid muscle. And unfortunately for me, that stupid muscle seemed to overpower my brain these days.

The bell rang, ending first period, and I immediately felt anxious. Second period meant Government, and that meant class with Edward. It shouldn't be any big deal, right? He sat across the room, we didn't talk, but the fact that he was right there in the same room, well, that was too close.

I had that nagging feeling in my heart, but I tried to squash it. He was a distraction, one I didn't need. And, really, I didn't even like him. I shouldn't give a shit about him. He certainly didn't give a shit about me.

But there it was, the curiosity to _know_ about him as soon as he walked through that classroom door. I tried not to stare at him. I certainly didn't want him to see me looking at him, and I had a feeling he'd use it as ammunition somehow if he caught me. But I couldn't look away. _Stupid interfering heart_.

I don't know what I expected to happen, honestly. Maybe his secrets would reflect off his skin and become visible for me like an open book; I'd actually be able to read him. Silly notion, yeah, but I was curious if he wore on the outside whatever changed him into the person he'd become, because from what I'd gathered from Alice, he wasn't always this way. And I wondered if maybe no one noticed because they didn't care to.

He didn't look in my direction, at least not until he sat down. I turned my head slightly, trying to make it appear as if I were staring at something other than him. But I was still looking, and I could see he was watching me too. And the way he looked at me, it wasn't anger I saw in his eyes. There was something else there. But the moment I didn't hide that I was looking at him, which wasn't actually intentional – I was trying to understand what I was seeing - his face turned angry. My breathing hitched, and my heart started pounding in my chest as a result of the animosity directed at me from across the room. I immediately turned away and faced the front, never once looking at him the remainder of class.

How could one person carry around that much anger?

In Trig and Spanish I was actually able to relax. But my mind still wandered, and I had to force myself to concentrate.

The test in Spanish was fairly easy. Even Alice was sure she'd passed. By the cat calls or whatever they were behind her and me, I'd say others felt the same as we did. Alice and I laughed at them. It was nice not feeling so wound up with tension.

After class, we headed straight to the cafeteria. I was laughing at something Alice had said pertaining to Mike Newton and speedo padding, but the laughter caught in my throat when I glanced at our table, seeing Edward there with Emmett and some of the others, minus Jasper who was home sick.

I didn't want to sit there across from him, but if I, metaphorically speaking, tucked my tail between my legs and scurried away, he'd know that he intimidated me somehow, and I wasn't willing to let that happen.

So I went through the lunch line, grabbing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and juice, then held my head high as I strolled over to the table. I smiled at everyone except Edward and took my seat beside Alice.

"So, Arizona," Mike started, calling me by the nickname he'd given me. "You think you did as good as the rest of us on that Spanish test."

I took a sip of my juice, then responded. "I think so. I actually expected it to be more extensive or something. It didn't have nearly as much on it as I thought there'd be."

"True," he agreed.

Edward made some inaudible noise from his corner of the table, but I ignored him.

"I, for one, think I actually passed." Alice glanced between me and Mike. "I really didn't think I would."

"See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about," I laughed. I took a bite of my sandwich just as Ben Cheney and Angela Webber joined us.

"It's so cold outside," Angela whined. "I really need to move somewhere warmer."

"Move to Arizona," Mike chimed in, laughing.

She placed her tray on the table, then faced me. "You're from Arizona, Bella. Is it always warm there? I mean, it's got to be better than this."

I chuckled. "Most the time, but it's dry heat."

"Do you miss it?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I do. It's home."

"So why'd you move here, then?" I glanced from Alice toward the voice asking the question. It was Emmett. Rosalie sat beside him, scowling in my direction.

"I really didn't have a choice," I explained. "My mom's uncle retired and left the store to her, and it wasn't exactly possible for her to commute back and forth living in Arizona. It was a good opportunity for them, and my mom sort of felt an obligation to accept because it was her uncle. There wasn't any other family to leave the store to, and the idea of it being run by someone other than family, well, he wasn't okay with that. So here I am."

"There you are," Mike mimicked in a low voice, winking while giving me a smile that I assumed was meant to be sexy.

It wasn't.

"So you have no other family?"

I shook my head. "No, but I think Uncle Bart would have asked my mom anyway."

"Does that mean you're an only child, then?"

"If I lived somewhere I loved with decent weather, I wouldn't move for anything. Not even money. I mean, it's Arizona. Hello, they've got money there too. I bet that's how you feel, huh?" Jessica was sweet and all, but her knack for being naïve grew tiresome sometimes. All you could do was basically smile and nod.

"Did your parents force you to work there?"

I looked at each of their faces as the questions continued, feeling like a marionette whose strings were being yanked in all different directions. They all seemed to want something from me – which happened to be the answers to the plethora of questions they were firing at me. Why the sudden interest in me? And honestly, I didn't like it very much, being put on display, because that's exactly how I felt. I felt like I was on display, and they were all ravenous for some kind of insight into who I was.

"You actually work at the store you own?" It wasn't exactly asked pleasantly, but the fact that Rosalie spoke to me at all was shocking.

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't forced. I wanted to."

Her eyes widened, and she gaped at me like I'd lost my mind. "You _wanted_ to work? Why?"

I actually laughed at her response. "I wanted to make my own money. My parents, they'd give me money if I asked. Honestly, because I'm an only child, they'd spoil me, but it always comes with a price. See, sometimes they forget I'm not a child anymore. Sometimes they think I need to be handled like I'm breakable. I'm not, I just… I want to show them I'm as capable as anyone my age. I can have responsibilities and manage them. I can make my own money and take care of myself."

She smirked. "So it's a rebellion thing."

I shrugged, and she actually laughed. Not a tiny chortle, but a full blown, throaty laugh. Rosalie Hale actually laughed at me. Hmmm… maybe Hell had frozen over.

Alice clapped her hands together, giggling. "Well, well. Who would have thought Bella Swan was such a rebel? You certainly had me fooled."

All the commotion about me, all the questions, I became comfortable, which was stupid on my part. It was stupid because I'd actually forgotten for that short amount of time that Edward Cullen was sitting at my table. But Edward wouldn't be Edward unless he reminded me of his presence, reminded me that that hateful tongue of his always waited for its moment to strike.

"Let's leave Bella alone, guys. She's answered enough." I smiled at Alice for her rescue.

"Wait a minute. Everyone else got to ask the new girl something, I may as well join in the fun." The moment I heard him speak in that lethal voice that masqueraded as gentle as silk, my body tensed. And while everyone else was awed that he was even participating, I knew he was doing it to get a rise out of me. Karma was cruel, because obviously my mistake in allowing him to catch me staring at him earlier was coming back to haunt me. He was cashing in on that ammunition. But I wasn't going to buckle. I'd let him ask his question and I'd answer it. He wasn't going to break me no matter what he said.

He leaned forward and smiled at me. To anyone but me it would seem genuine. "I'm just curious about your fascination with turtlenecks. You wear them… every day. No one wears turtlenecks every day, well, not unless they're trying to hide something. You can't seem to stand the idea of skin showing with the way you yank the collar up when it starts falling. So is that it? Are you trying to hide something, Bella?" He didn't even wait for me to speak, sneeze or anything in response before he continued. "I'd wager a guess that that's exactly what it is."

My throat tightened, body going cold and numb. I felt weighted down, like someone was holding me under water and I was drowning. Tears stung at the corner of my eyes, and as much as I didn't want them falling, I knew they would. Of all the things to ask, he had to go there. Of course he would, because some how he could see my weaknesses, see deep down inside to what could hurt me. It was like my scar was visible to him, like the heart in my chest that wasn't really mine spoke to him. And if I'd been lucid enough, I'd have recognized the fact that he wouldn't notice this about me unless he'd been paying close attention. But all I could focus on was that I was wrong, so very wrong, because in that moment Edward Cullen broke me.

* * *

Next chapter should be interesting, heh? ;-) Don't worry, you'll get more one-on-one E/B time. I promise.


	4. Chapter 4:Battlefield

Still have the broken tailbone. Lucky me, heh? Anyway, here's the next chapter. Remember, I am NOT a medical expert on heart transplants, but I try to be as accurate as I can. Do I know people that have had one? Yes, I do. Two people, in fact. Both of their scars are a bit different. Both of their reactions to the surgery, scars and life after are different as well. However, Bella's reactions are obviously a bit more about being self-conscious. In any case, this is a work of fiction. Nothing more, nothing less. Hope you enjoy.

Major love to my wifey, Sophy, my readers and reviewers, who I could not do this without. Your endless, amazing support leaves me in awe. Love you all.

One final note: Chancing Fate and The Unaccompanied Soul will be updating biweekly from now on. You'll find information about this on my author blog. I've also signed up as an author for Fandom Gives Back. You'll find info on how to join and what I'm offering on the TeamTUS blog. The link to the TeamTUS blog is on my author blog as well. http:/jmcullen [dot] blogspot [dot] com/

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Battlefield**

**Playing God**

_You don't have to believe me_

_But the way I, way I see it_

_Next time you point a finger_

_I might have to bend it back_

_Or break it, break it off_

_Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror_

_If God's the game that you're playing_

_Well, we must get more acquainted_

_Because it has to be so lonely... to be the only one who's holy_

_It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in_

_You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you_

I felt suspended in time, stuck right in the middle of an Edward Cullen inflicted Hell. That smug expression of his was still intact. He had to know he was breaking me down. How could he not? I knew it was visible on my face.

I barely registered the people around me. My entire body felt numb except for the hand that clutched at the collar of my turtleneck, as if doing so would help shield me somehow. My vision tunneled, obstructing everything around me but him. I wanted to look away so badly. I even attempted moving because of the screaming inside my head that told me to, but my neck muscles were apparently so strained and unyielding, I couldn't.

His left eyebrow lifted as he stared at me, baiting me to challenge him. It was like he was begging me to. It was so obvious he wanted some kind of altercation between us. I knew people could be cruel, seen it up close and personal before, but nothing compared to what I was experiencing now. I'd never hated anyone before, but in this moment, I hated Edward Cullen.

Through the midst of anxiety, I somehow managed to hear the tiny voice beside me. "I happen to like turtlenecks. I think they look good on you, Bella."

No one at this table knew the significance of my turtlenecks, but could easily understand something about the subject affected me – which was why Alice was trying to save me from his taunting.

"I didn't ask you, Alice." His tone was even, but the warning within his words for her to mind her own business was unmistakable.

"I was just-"

His eyes cut in her direction, finally releasing me from their suffocating grip. She immediately went silent, and I could see her flinch from my peripherals. It confounded me how it was possible for one person to hold that much power over another by a look.

_Your fear gives him that power_, my inner voice reprimanded. _Stand up for yourself. Don't give him that control_. Before I had time to really mull over the words inside my head, another voice spoke up.

"Are we really gonna talk about turtlenecks and shit for the remainder of lunch?" Emmett asked, his laughter slicing through the tension. "That's about as interesting to me as Newton's dick." Mike flipped Emmett off while the others laughed. But me, I wanted to kiss Emmett's face off for interrupting.

Edward's brow furrowed as he glanced down at the table, his expression now one of disinterest. "Whatever," he murmured. "I don't care." He pushed his chair out roughly, then stood up and walked away, leaving his tray on the table.

I exhaled loudly in relief and all talking around the table ceased while nine sets of eyes instantly fell on me, making me once again the center of attention. Alice went to speak, but I stood quickly, needing to get away. "I have to go to my locker before class," I uttered in a voice I didn't even recognize. It was empty, void of emotion. Of course, my words were a complete lie, but I did need to leave. Whispering began the moment I started moving away from the table.

There they went, trying to figure me out. But what else did I really expect? I gave them a reason to. I was the insignificant girl freaking out about a fucking turtleneck.

I hastily returned my tray and exited the lunchroom, heading straight to the girl's bathroom. Lunch was still going so luckily no one was in there at the time. I walked to the last stall and pushed the door open, shutting myself inside. My God, how I wanted this entire stall to wrap me up and blanket me.

I pressed my back against the cold metal door, my head bowing forward as a sob tore from my chest. I cried tears of anger at Edward and myself, tears of devastation, but mostly tears of longing to be like everyone else. I could handle anything he threw at me, anything but what he did today. I hated this weakness. I hated that I let him get to me, but it was like he could see inside my soul, see what could hurt me, and he used that as a weapon to tear me down into the sobbing mess I was.

I gripped the hem of my turtleneck, wanting to rip it apart for making me so transparent to him. It was stupid to blame a piece of clothing, my mind knew this, but I wore it as a form of armor and it failed me. It was a means to protect myself, make me feel for a short time that I could appear just like everyone else, that I could fit in. I could even be pretty like the girls with perfect bodies and perfect hearts that were always theirs.

Charlie and Renee kept telling me how appreciative I should be to have a second chance, because they were certainly appreciative, but they couldn't possibly understand what I felt; especially when I looked at myself. They told me I was beautiful, but they were my parents, they had to. It came with the job description. But to someone who didn't know me to see this scar that marred my flesh and illustrated my limitations, my difference to them, that I was damaged… _it wasn't beautiful_. Who could possibly want me like this?

I felt like I was being hypocritical because I hated the pity someone gave me when they learned the truth about me. I just wanted to be treated like a regular girl. Yet, here I was, basically pitying myself for something that couldn't be changed, because I knew as much as I wanted to be treated like a regular girl, people wouldn't. Once they knew, that was it, I was treated as breakable.

But I couldn't look at myself and feel anything but disgust. I hated what this scar represented, and I hated how much it changed someone's view of me when they finally knew about it. And I really hated how vulnerable it made me to Edward Cullen. Jesus, I handled remarks about having a baboon heart and it didn't affect me like this. But him, making comments about my turtleneck, and I was a complete wreck.

I slammed the heel of my shoe against the door, angry all over again. I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks with the back of my hand, growling out my frustrations, but halted the moment I heard voices inside the bathroom.

_What are you gonna do?_

_Are you just going to let him win?_

_You gonna let these other girls hear you like this?_

I glanced down at my watch. I had a choice to make. Stay or go.

I had to go now if I was going to make it to class on time. Going to class now, he'd know I'd been crying, but if I were to be late or not show up, well, that would be more control I'd be handing over. I stood there, breathing in and out. And the more I thought about what he'd done, the way he'd been treating me since I moved here, the more my spine steeled. No, I'd given him too much power already. I was done letting Edward Cullen hurt me.

I finished wiping my eyes and opened the door, passing two occupied stalls. I walked over to the sink and turned the cold water on, then splashed a little on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror for a couple seconds, watching droplets of water trailing down my blotchy skin in uneven patterns.

_Don't let him break you, Bella_.

I nodded to myself, grabbing paper towel to dry my face, then left the bathroom with my books in hand to Biology.

He was already seated when I walked through the door, and I very nearly hesitated once I stepped inside the room, but somehow my mind forced me to continue moving toward my seat in an effort to prevent any further humiliation. I thought back to what I decided in the bathroom and steeled myself further. Luckily, doing so thwarted looking at him from triggering me to shut down. And as much as I tried to avoid it, I could still see him and see he wasn't really paying attention to me. But if he was looking at me, he was doing a good job of camouflaging it.

I sat down in my seat, holding my head up, keeping my body straight. I placed my books on the table and looked ahead, focusing on what Mr. Banner was saying. I heard Edward sigh to the left of me. I wasn't sure if it was meant to distract me or otherwise, but I ignored him, keeping my concentration in front of me.

"Many aren't aware, but it's been a debated topic, and because I'd discussed it quite thoroughly with fellow peers, we'll go off regular topic today and discuss it amongst us." Mr. Banner took a few tentative steps away from the blackboard, his enthusiastic eyes scanning the classroom of faces staring back at him.

Edward snorted in response, obviously not sharing the same enthusiasm, and Mr. Banner's eyes locked right on him. "Well, Mr. Cullen, how liberating you grace us with the knowledge of your presence. I can only take that to mean you know the answer, then." Mr. Banner's hands clasped together in front of him as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "So, is it fact that the cat species is going extinct?"

Edward laughed at the question, then leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms against his chest. "As difficult as that question might be, I'd have to say that's a false statement." His expression was smug, arrogance exuding every word he spoke. "Of course, you can ask the nine cats living under my house if you need verification." Somehow, I believed he answered the way he did just to dig at Mr. Banner.

I could actually see smoke filtering out of Mr. Banner's ears, his face turning red with ire. His mouth opened, obviously to reprimand Edward when I raised my hand. This was not something I normally did, but I wanted to personally wipe that smug expression off Edward's face. Both he and Mr. Banner glanced right at me, and as angry as Mr. Banner still appeared, he nodded at me.

"I disagree with _Edward_." I stressed on his name, making my dislike for him quite palpable. "Cat species _are _going instinct. In fact, the black-footed, kodkod and bay are just three of the smaller endangered wild cat species. There are actually thirty-seven species of wild cat in the world today." I turned my head, narrowing my eyes as I met Edward's heated gaze. "I'm not a cat whisperer like Mr. Cullen here, but I'm sure if he went home chatting up those nine cats of his, they'd agree with me."

Laughter broke out around the room. And as Mr. Banner fought to quiet everything down, Edward and I were locked in a visual duel.

His eyes burned brighter and his lip began twitching as his jaw tensed. I could actually hear his teeth grinding together under the strain. Oh, he was pissed. But I honestly didn't care. _Suck it up, Cullen. I'm finished with you intimidating me._ I refused to look away, refused to budge. It finally registered sometime during our stare down that I wasn't backing down because his lips lifted on one side and he smirked at me, though I clearly understood what he was saying in that smirk. _"This is far from over." _I smirked back my response. _"Bring it."_

Through the remainder of my classes, my mood improved drastically. I felt pretty empowered. And, of course, after last period class, I wasn't surprised to find Alice waiting at my locker.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.

"Yeah," I told her. "I need to grab some things out of my locker, then you can walk me to my truck if you want."

She nodded. "Okay."

I waited for her to speak, but she just stood beside me, so I encouraged her by speaking first. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry about what happened at lunch," she blurted out. "I could tell you were really upset."

I stopped rummaging through my locker and faced her. I sighed heavily before speaking. "Look, I know how it looked. I know what you must be thinking, I just… I can't get into that right now, okay? So please don't ask me to."

She nodded again, like she understood exactly where I was coming from. "I won't, but I needed you to know that I was sorry. Your personal life is your business and what Edward did was wrong."

"It was," I agreed. I closed my locker and motioned with my head toward the doors. I started talking again as we moved. "I'm just… it got to me. I know everyone saw that, so I freely admit it, but that's obviously what he wanted. I don't know why he's singled me out, but I'm not going to let him do it again. I honestly don't know how you put up with him."

Her face fell, her voice exuding sadness. "He wasn't always this way, Bella. I know that's probably hard to believe, but he wasn't. He had… something happened that changed him." We pushed through the doors and made our way outside. "We keep trying to reach him, and sometimes I think I see a flicker of my brother in there, but it disappears as quickly as it came. It hurts, you know, knowing how he was before and seeing him like this now.

"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't remember." Her pain and longing made me ache for her. Our pain was caused by different reasons, but I knew how she felt more than she realized. "Dad somehow thinks it's his fault, like maybe he should be doing more than he is. How can he? Edward won't talk to him. Edward won't tell anyone how he feels about what happened." She paused again as we reached my truck. "He has night terrors." I gazed down at the damp cement, having no idea how to process everything she was telling me or why she was even telling me something so personal. I disliked Edward, but I felt like I was violating him somehow by listening to private things about him. "He has every night since… Every night we find him in front of the couch, reliving what happened to his mom." My head lifted, my mouth opening to question what she meant by 'his mom', but she stared at me with tears in her eyes and I couldn't do it. I swiftly closed my mouth, swallowing down the questions that formulated within my brain. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bella."

She was falling apart in front of me, and the only thing I could offer, which was something I wasn't used to doing, was to wrap my arms around her and hug her, telling her to have faith. If only I could believe my own words.

* * *

I made it to the store a little later than I wanted, largely in part to the red bomb. It died in the driveway at home twice, then finally sputtered to life, groaning like a wounded animal that begged to be put out of its misery.

I passed the registers as I moved toward the back, hearing the other two cashiers ask where Tanya was. And just like that my mind shifted from my conversation with Alice to recollecting what happened in the utility closet. My nose scrunched up in disgust, and I honestly dreaded entering the backroom. I was dead set on padlocking both of their asses in this time if that's where strawberry blonde and Edward were. My conscious, however, reminded me of what Alice told me about Edward, and as much as he probably deserved me locking him in the utility closet, I couldn't do it. Not now.

I was just about to enter the backroom when my name was called. "Hey, Bella, are you working tonight?"

I turned my head in the direction of the voice. "Hey, Matt," I smiled. "Yeah, the Warden demands my services for the evening." I flashed him a cheeky grin.

He laughed. "Do you always call your mom the Warden?"

"No," I chuckled, shrugging. "I just picked that up recently."

"Is she really that bad?" he asked. "She seems really nice around here."

"No, she's not that bad, honestly. I just like to tease."

"So I can see." He shook his head, smiling.

"Well, I'll see you around the cell block," I teased.

I started to move when he spoke up again. "Uh, Bella, I wanted to ask you something." His voice lowered an octave, his eyes shifting off me to the box in front of him as he fidgeted nervously where he stood. "I was just wondering if you'd… maybe if you'd like to get a coffee sometime… with me?"

Not what I expected. "Oh… uh, I-"

Before I could finish replying, Edward and strawberry blonde came traipsing out of the backroom, interrupting my reply. "What is this, a dating service?" Did he ever get tired of being an ass?

I glared at him and was just about to make a snarky comment when closet ho decided to stop wiping at her mouth and give her sarcastic two cents. "Love in the vegetable aisle. How cute?"

I smiled serenely at her, placing my pointer finger at the corner of my mouth. "You missed a spot of jizz."

Her eyes widened and her hand went back to her mouth, completely covering it. Edward's lip began twitching and he turned his head away. I moved passed them into the backroom, hearing the faint sound of Matt's laughter as I headed for the time clock.

After slipping on the ugly brown smock, I made my way back into the store area. I didn't bother going to the front office to ask Paula where I'd be working. I already knew I'd be working with Edward through tomorrow.

I found him stocking shelves with various brands of laundry detergent. Even from a side view of his profile I could make out the scowl upon his face. _Just grab a box, do what you're supposed to and ignore him unless it's absolutely necessary to speak. _Easier said than done when all I could think about was Alice's words.

I stopped in front of the cart beside him, grabbed the scissors from my smock and began opening a box. It was full of Tide. I scanned the aisle, finding the Tide located midsection, then yanked bottles from the box and carried them to where they were supposed to go.

We worked around each other, reacting mindlessly toward one another. I went from box to box, filling up shelves with fabric softner, bleach, laundry detergent and stain removal. We finished up in that aisle, then moved to toiletries. It took three and a half hours from the time we began our shift to reach the last one on the cart. Unfortunately, neither of us had anything left to do from the previous boxes we had.

I gripped the scissors tightly in my hand, ready to rip through the tape when he stopped me. "I'll do that."

"It's fine, I got it. It's the last one."

"You don't listen so well. I said I'd do it."

I glanced up at him. "I've managed this far, I think I can handle one more box."

"I'm supposed to be training you, which means I'm the boss. I'll do it," he growled.

Were we really fighting over who was going to empty a box?

He reached for the box, but I flattened my hands against the top. "Which is why I should do this," I spat. "You're supposed to be instructing, so instruct or something while I unload this box. I do need to learn where everything goes."

"If that's what you want," he sneered. "I'd be more than happy to instruct."

"Not surprising," I mumbled as I cut into the tape holding the box closed. And it wasn't. I really thought he liked to listen to the sound of his own voice sometimes.

"That's not how you do it." I jumped at the tone of his voice. "You're opening it wrong."

I stopped, angling my head enough to look at him, cocking an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I had no idea there was a technique to opening boxes." He stared back, eyes flaming green fire. I was not intimidated this time. "Instruct me on your awesome skills of opening a box, Yoda."

His hands fisted at his sides, teeth clenched together as his voice turned acidic. "Did you just call me something from _**Star Trek**_?"

I wanted to laugh. He could not be this dumb. "No, it was _Star Wars_." My tone was just as harsh.

"I know that, Chewbacca, I'm not that fucking dumb. I do actually know the difference between _Star Wars_ and _Star Trek_."

Whoa, hold up. Those were fighting words. I was not Chewbacca, I was Princess Leia, damn it… or at the very least Han. "Did you just call me a Wookie?"

And now I was being treated to the trademark Edward Cullen smirk. _Smug bastard_. He'd deliberately acted dense to bait me. I should have known by the way he said _Star Trek_. "Hey, isn't that your cousin over there?"

I stupidly turned around to see some massive furry dust buster on the end cap. My fingers tightened around my scissors as I contemplated a new use for them. So this was how it was going to be, heh? Fine by me. I smiled and nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. So while I go say hello to Cousin Itt over there, I'll be sure to bring you back a ladder, short round, that way your stubby, green ass can reach the second shelf." This was not me, not how I normally acted, but he just had a way of making me so irate that I lashed out.

I'd seen people infuriated to the point the rage pouring from their eyes actually heated my skin, but I'd never seen anything as colorful as the fury pulsating from Edward. I seriously considered the possibility of his head exploding or his body combusting.

He stalked toward me, pushing me with his body against the shelves. I felt them wobble against me but was too distracted by Edward and his actions to worry about whether or not it may topple over.

His hands came to rest on either side of my head, and he was breathing heavily through his flared nose. Once again, I found myself in the same predicament as earlier in school, only Edward's body was pressed against mine and the animosity was unlike anything I'd seen before. He wasn't used to be called out on his shit, or treated as he treated others.

Both of us were breathing heavily, trembling with anger and completely unblinking as we stared into one another's eyes. I couldn't look away, or maybe I just refused to, but regardless I held my ground. I had no idea what he was trying to prove right now. I just assumed it was more a tactic to bully me, but I wasn't giving him anything more than I did this afternoon. He'd taken enough from me.

His right hand moved a fraction of an inch, causing his pinky to brush against the skin of my neck. I felt a surge of something familiar and intense ripple through me. I nearly lost my steeled resolve because of it and wondered as his lips parted and he jerked his hand away like I carried the Bubonic Plague if I wasn't the only one to feel it.

But it was like that brief touch did something, opened us both up somehow. I had no idea how or why, but I was able to push past that anger and find such deep-rooted anguish thriving inside of him. It was eating him up, swallowing away anything warm and bright inside of him. Somehow in the middle of glimpsing a part of his soul, I was still acutely aware of him. I could see his expression softening, but his eyes still remained intense.

I couldn't really explain in words what I was feeling, other than to say I felt like something was being taken from me, like as he looked into my eyes he was taking pieces of me and deciphering them, but those pieces weren't being given back. Wasn't I doing the same, though?

_I can see it_.

_I can see the pain, Edward._

He blinked a few times, taking several steps backward as his face shifted from confusion to agitation. "You can't see anything."

"What?" I asked, replying spontaneously. What was he talking about?

"Don't try to analyze me. You can't see anything."

_But I only said… Had I really voiced that aloud?_

"I was just-"

"You don't know anything about me, so don't pretend that you do."

"Edward, I wasn't trying to-"

This time his response was more a plea. "Don't." He took a few more steps back then turned on his heels and started down the aisle, calling back to me, "It's seven-thirty, and that means dinner."

I moved away from the shelf, which was now grating into my back, and ran my hands down my face, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened.

I couldn't really come up with a plausible explanation, yet I knew what I felt was real. I knew what I saw was real. Alice was right, I saw that flicker, and now I found myself more intrigued by Edward. I wanted to know his pain, and for some reason unknown to me, I wanted to take it away.


	5. Chapter 5: Loss of Control

Sorry about the delay in posts, but I've had a lot going on in RL. I'll be making the updates current again real soon, but remember, they'll be biweekly until the later part of August, then they'll go back to weekly. Lots of love to my wifey, Sophy, and girlies, Bbebar, shackle_me, marybetherrrrs and hayboo05. Major love to my readers, who I adore more than I can tell you.

This chapter was done in Epov. I had to backtrack a little, so you had an idea of what he was thinking from the previous chapters. Hope you enjoy.

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Loss of Control**

**EPOV**

Confusion. That's what I felt… lots of confusion. Okay, so I was angry too, which wasn't unusual for me these days, but fuck if it wasn't _her_ damn fault. Isabella fucking Swan. She was breathing the same air as me, way too close in my personal space, and _that_ was a problem.

It became a problem the moment _she_ entered this town, the very fucking second those brown eyes made their way toward my general direction. The first time was in Biology, watching me more deliberately than I liked, so I snapped at her. And the second, yeah, I wasn't exactly in the most amiable of positions when she seen me – I was getting blown in the store closet by Tanya, but I'd had a shitty fucking day and I just needed some goddamn release. Tanya offered like she usually did, and I accepted like I usually did. She wanted my cock in her mouth, so who was I to deny her? I am a guy, after all.

As her eyes scanned over me and Tanya, taking in what we were doing, I actually felt the touch of her gaze, like she was running her hand across the skin of my body. It felt oddly familiar to me, unexpectedly slamming me with a twinge of guilt because she'd caught us, like I'd been caught by my girl or some shit, and that immediately fucked with my head because I didn't have a girl – I didn't want one. I never felt guilty for anything either, but I did right then. There was no fucking reason to feel guilty. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, we weren't shit to each other. And because she'd made me feel guilty for that split second, I became extremely pissed off.

I quickly secured my boxers and jeans around my waist, leaving Tanya in the closet as I stalked toward Brown Eyes, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. I tried to ignore that familiar feeling again that was now gestating in my chest, the sweet smell of her not helping my case at all, and said some shit to her about learning to knock, her wanting to suck my cock and interrupting me coming. I guess I thought my debasing comments and the fact that I was towering over her, but standing so close that I could make out the pulse point of her neck, would intimidate her. I was wrong.

The wide-eyed, fearful look she had morphed to one of anger. I could see the fire blazing behind those brown eyes, making the speckles of green around her irises brighten. I could feel the anger rolling off her trembling body in crashing waves. From the way she glared at me defiantly, stood her ground as she shoved me away from her, I knew she was a feisty one and hell if my dick didn't harden because of it. I think I even sniffed her a little.

Jesus Christ, who was this girl?

I didn't like the way she made my body react. She was just an insignificant girl, nothing special to look at. Okay, that wasn't exactly true, even if she was quite pale, fragile looking and dressed like a nun. But she was still of no importance to me, even if my dick seemed to like her. I got away from her as quickly as I could, heading straight toward Housewares, her scent nearly suffocating me because it seemed to seep into every pore of my body. Jesus, the smell of her. It was like some kind of strawberry cocktail concoction sent straight from hell to taunt me or some shit.

The smell of her, the way her brown eyes seemed so innocent yet infinitely wise as they looked into mine, the feel of her soft skin against my hand, the familiarity in touching her, it made my mind go south, conjuring up her naked body, warm and pliable, and writhing underneath mine as I pounded into her mercilessly. I wanted to lick her, bite her and do other depraved things to her. I'd never felt so carnal.

And now I was fucking hard again.

I growled under my breath as I adjusted myself, the painful throbbing of my erection making me hate her more. I didn't know the girl, yet I knew I didn't like her, couldn't stand her even, but my dick and I didn't seem to be on the same page in our opinions of her. I had no idea why I wanted to fuck her senseless. It was like the lower half of my body disconnected from my brain and took control, fueling itself off this intense primal urge to just thrust into her over and over, roughly. But it was an urge I was not okay with, and one I was certainly going to remedy.

I grabbed the first box lining the top of the cart, yanking it roughly to the hard floor, mumbling obscenities under my breath as if that would somehow remedy the shit storm that became my life over the last year and a half and seemed to crest about four hours ago in Biology.

There could have been breakables inside, but I was too pissed off to care if I broke anything. I tore open the box with my bare hands, taking my aggravation out on the cardboard, and began pulling out some weird shaped utensils. I had no idea what the hell they were, and I didn't really give a shit either.

"Dude, did you see the new girl?"

I was not one that cared for conversation with anyone, and in the foul mood I was in at the moment, I'd just as soon bash the pimply fucker who was now talking to me in the face rather than open my mouth and answer him, especially about the particular topic he was on.

"Go bug someone who gives a shit," I spat.

He started speaking again, his annoying, nasally voice echoing behind me. "I hear she's the owner's daughter. I wonder if she'll work here too. That means fresh meat, and I got first dibs."

I'd been here in this shithole, not by choice, long enough that people knew how I was and knew not to bother talking to me. He'd been here long enough to know that fact too, but today of all days, he seemed to be stuck on stupid and completely missed the warning in my tone and the words that clearly told him to shut his mouth. I grit my teeth so loud, I knew he heard me by the sharp inhale I heard behind me, then abruptly turned around, giving him my 'don't say another fucking word or I'll kick your scrawny ass' look.

His jaw clenched shut and he sputtered out something about needing to get back to work, then pretty much ran toward Produce.

Physically, for the rest of the night, I was left alone. Mentally was another story.

* * *

Everyone was asleep when I got home, which was just the way I fucking liked it. I couldn't stomach the looks of pity on their faces, especially Esme. She tried to act all motherly, being sweet and understanding, but she wasn't my mother - she'd never be my mother. I wanted her to stop trying to take the place of the only woman I'd ever call by that name.

She claimed that wasn't what she was doing, but I knew better. I also knew when moving here I intruded on their happy little family. The only person I ever considered family was dead. And it was fucking ironic to me that now that Elizabeth Mason was dead and buried, Carlisle Cullen decided he wanted to step up and play dad. Sure I came here over the summers, and I didn't know then, but I believed now that it wasn't anything more than him feeling obligated to include me. I was the bastard child he couldn't escape, the one his parents made him be a man for so he didn't taint the family name.

He fucked up as a teenager, knocking my mother up with me when he was off with his high school buddies on summer break right after senior year. It's a wonder Esme forgave his cheating ass and married him. But he did the "right" thing by paying child support for me and taking me into his home over summer break each year. He said he never felt obligated, that he wanted me around because I was his son, his blood, but I wasn't stupid. I may have been naïve then, but those days were long passed now. Words aren't shit when the eyes say something different.

I grabbed me a sandwich, then headed upstairs to my room. I plopped down on the bed and reached underneath my mattress to pull out the bottle of Patron I had stashed there. I opened the bottle, taking a long swig, letting it burn down my throat and warm my body, but the shit stung against the cut on my lip. I grinned as I took another sip. _Well, at least Sam didn't bitch up this time_, _but he'll learn not to cheat me at poker._

I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, lifting my head every so often to tip back the bottle. My racy thoughts started fogging over, my vision hazing, and the pain that came out fully when I was alone became less cutting. The alcohol curbed the ache. It was my quasi pain relief, moderately touching the ache when nothing else could. At some point later, I passed out.

Just like many nights before, I was jarred awake, three sets of eyes staring back at me with so much fear and concern it made me want to empty my stomach. I was kneeling in front of the couch again, reaching out to _her_, right where she'd be laying in my old home. Reality and memory were still blurring together a bit. I could see her body, the blood everywhere when I looked at the floor, but when I glanced up, I could see Carlisle, Esme and Alice standing just a few feet away, watching me.

Carlisle's mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear the words. I glanced back down, staring at my hands that were covered in blood. I blinked hard, trying to rid my eyes of what I knew wasn't really there, what haunted me constantly. After blinking repetitively for a few minutes, the only thing I saw was my hands, free of blood, and a bare floor.

"Edward," Carlisle whispered. I kept my eyes on the floor, but saw him from my peripherals. "I know you keep fighting me on this, but you need to talk to someone. I really feel-"

"Don't," I seethed, interrupting him. I stood up, brushing past all three of them. "I told you to just leave it alone. I'm fine." I knew why it was happening. I was being punished for not being able to save her life, the life _he _stole from her. I tried to warn her he wasn't safe, but when it really mattered, I wasn't there to stop him.

I made it back to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it behind me. I glanced at the alarm clock; it was just after two in the morning. I stepped in my bathroom long enough to splash my face with some cold water, then climbed back in bed. My heart was racing and my stomach queasy. This was how I always felt after the dreams. My chest burned where the gaping hole was, so once again I tipped back the Patron.

But when everything finally went numb again and I was able to close my eyes, this time it was brown eyes mixed with fond memories of my mother I dreamed of.

* * *

When I woke up, my head pounding and my eyes throbbing against my lids, I braved opening one eye to glance at the alarm clock. It was after seven, meaning I was probably gonna be late to school, but with the way I felt, I really didn't give a shit. I laid back down on the bed, throwing the covers over my head, but not five minutes after I settled back into the mattress, letting the warmth under my blankets relax me, Esme started banging on my fucking door.

"Edward, you're going to be late. You can't afford to be late again."

"Go bug the fucking kid that's actually yours," I said under my breath. If she heard me, she didn't acknowledge it, but continued banging on my door. I threw the covers off, growling that I was up, and slowly got myself ready, taking three aspirin before I left.

First period droned on. I had my sunglasses on at the start of class to block out the light, but that fuckwit Varner took my shit from me. Just to piss him off, I fell asleep.

Jasper and Emmett met me at my locker before second period. They were pretty much the only two fuckers in this school that I could stand somewhat talking to. I had messed around with a couple girls, yeah, but I really had no need to talk to them when I had my tongue or my dick in them. But they knew what was up. It was just sex on both sides. I was not going to allow myself to be attached to anyone. It was that simple.

The three of us headed to Government, just like any other day, but today wasn't really any other day when I walked through that door and actually fucking sensed the girl. My head snapped in her direction, my eyes penetrating hers, and she actually seemed to move around her seat uncomfortably. I smirked at her discomfort, because it was about time the shoe was on the other foot.

Thankfully we weren't seated by each other. The headache had subsided some so I tried to focus ahead of me on class, not that I really gave a shit or anything because I could skip this class for weeks and still pass it easily, but it was better than focusing on the she demon who was seated across the room from me, consuming my thoughts like the succubus she was.

Twenty four hours after seeing her, touching her, and I was thinking about her. Why? I had no fucking clue what it was, but it was driving me crazy. So because I really wanted to know why, I glanced over at her, hoping by looking at her I'd get my answer. I caught her watching me behind the veil of brown hair attached to her head shortly after I focused on her, and I couldn't help but smirk at her reaction. She was like a frightened little lamb on the outside, cloaking herself with another damn turtleneck and her hair, that vulnerable skin hiding the tigress underneath. That thought led me to thinking about how she stood up to me, something no one ever did, and the crotch of my pants tightened because of it. I cursed under my breath as the bell rang, knowing I needed to conceal the traitor in my pants before stepping out of class.

I went to my next two classes, playing up things in my head that would keep me focused. I knew Isabella would be sitting with Alice during lunch, so I made it a point to not show up. I opted for my car instead, where Bree ended up joining me. She wanted to have sex, I wanted to drink. She asked me what was wrong, because I never said no, but I answered her by getting out of the car and slamming the door.

I grit my teeth the entire way to Biology, delaying as long as I could. When I stepped through that door, I could feel that sensation again, like a static charge through the air. Mr. Banner gave me a shitty look, but I breezed past him to my seat. I could feel her next to me, like a magnet pulling at me. I wanted to turn my head and scream at her, tell her to knock it the fuck off because I didn't like this shit at all, but I fisted my hands together instead, letting the nails bite into my skin as a distraction.

We were supposed to partner up and do some lab on mitosis, but there was no way in hell I was acknowledging her. I grabbed the microscope before she had a chance to, did what I needed to do and pushed it aside with barely much time for her to finish. Part of me felt guilty because I was being a total asshole to her, but she deserved it for making me feel this way. If I was going to be uncomfortable, so was she.

I finished my last class, heading home afterward to get ready for work. Esme was in the kitchen baking cookies when I got home.

"Hey, Edward," she smiled. "I made some cookies, you want some?"

I knew she was trying to be nice and all, but she was working that mom charm again, and I knew I'd made it clear on many occasions that shit was not going to work on me.

"No," I said flatly.

She continued to smile at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Oh, okay, maybe later then. You have to work tonight?"

It was probably irrational to be angry at her for asking me that, but she damn well knew I had to work. She and Carlisle both knew my schedule. It was because of them I worked there, anyway.

"You know I'm working tonight, Esme. You know my schedule, so why are you asking?"

Her mouth dropped open for a second, then she closed it and turned her head. "I just… I was just making conversation, Edward."

"If you're going to make conversation, then why are you doing it with something you already know?" I asked in a bitter tone. "You and Carlisle are the fucking reason I'm there, so it's not as if you don't know what I'm doing."

Her head jerked back in my direction, her eyes narrowing at me. She was angry, I could see that, and it was rare you saw Esme angry. "That's not true, Edward, and you know it. You are the reason that you're working there. If you hadn't stupidly damaged store property, your father would not have had to spend hours convincing the judge to allow you to work it off instead of sending you away somewhere. We have done everything to help you, but you refuse to let us in. You think we feel obligated, isn't that what you tell us? You couldn't be more wrong about that. You were never an obligation to Carlisle or to me. We give you space because you're mourning, and we support you even when you treat us badly, but I refuse to stand by while you point fingers falsely. Put the blame where it belongs."

She dropped the spoon of dough on the cookie sheet and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there in shock.

I finally headed up to my room, showered and got ready for work. I procrastinated leaving, though, which caused me to be late. When I stepped through the doors, Paula was coming out of the office with Isabella behind her.

I tried to just go past her, but she stopped me by ranting at me. "You're late, Edward."

I kept my eyes on Paula, speaking in a shitty tone, but I knew Isabella was watching me. "I showed up, didn't I?"

She started doing that hand on the hip thing, head shaking from side to side, like she was trying to be intimidating. That shit wasn't, it just made her look like she was having a seizure. "Yeah, and you showed up late."

I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I held that shit in by grinding my teeth. And if matters couldn't get worse, the bitch starts introducing me to Isabella, who I learned went by Bella.

But Paula couldn't stop there with introductions. "Seeing as you chose to be late today, you're now the proud recipient of training Bella on the floor for the next three days."

"What?" Bella and I said in unison.

I was hoping the heat of my gaze would incinerate her where she stood, but apparently there was more work left to do for Satan's minion.

"You're serious?" I growled.

She smirked at me, raising an eyebrow. If I was one to hit girls, I would have punched her in her face. ""I'm very serious. The next three days, she's all yours. That is, of course, if you plan on being here like you're supposed to."

I was seconds from snapping and telling her right the hell off, but I swallowed that shit down, the bitter taste of my anger lumping up in my throat. I told Bella to follow me, then headed toward the backroom to clock in.

I was ready to get this shit over with, but she was standing there, blankly staring at the timecards. I had to snap her back into reality, but made sure to keep my hands off her. I wasn't doing a repeat of the day before.

She rambled something about looking for her timecard, and I rolled my eyes, making a comment about the sooner we got the shit done the happier I'd be. She called me an asshole under her breath, and I had to fight the urge to want to either verbally bash her or fuck her.

We made our way to the cereal aisle. Things were manageable for awhile until she started running that mouth of hers. It made me angry and turned on, which served to piss me off further, so I pushed her up against the shelves, telling her she had a smart mouth and someone should show her what to do with it. Of course, being this close to her, touching her, smelling that strawberry scent again, I was harder than I'd ever been.

Before anything more could be said, Paula interrupted us. For the rest of the night, I stayed away from her for my own damn sanity, but my body buzzed from touching her.

When I made it home just after eight, everyone was awake, eating a later dinner.

"Your plate is in the microwave," Esme offered. I didn't answer her, but went and grabbed it, dropping it hard enough on the table that it clanked loudly as I sat down.

"Edward, don't do that," Carlisle scolded, treating me like I was a child. "You'll either break your mother's plate or spill your food all over."

I immediately glanced up at him with a venomous stare, spitting out my words harshly. "She is _not_ my mother."

He blinked a few times and I averted my attention to Esme, seeing her swallow hard. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. The pain was visible on her face, the pain I was causing her. I was an asshole, I knew that. It may not have been right, but I couldn't afford to care for anyone. It wasn't until I heard Carlisle's voice again, changing the subject, that I turned my attention to my plate.

"How was school today, you two?"

I kept eating, but Alice answered. "It was great. Classes went well, and Jasper and I…" She continued talking and I zoned out everything she was saying, that is until I heard Bella's name. "Her name is Bella. Well, I actually met her yesterday, but she wasn't real talkative or anything. Today she talked more, though. She's really nice."

I grunted at her characterization of nice concerning Bella. I had a few choice words to describe her and nice wasn't one of them.

"So how was work, Edward?"

I have no idea why I set my fork down and actually looked up at him after he asked. I usually ignored him, because I really didn't care to talk about a place I hated, but for some reason, and I'd say that reason was about 5'4 or so with brown eyes, caused me to speak.

"How'd work go?" I repeated coldly. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it work. I'd say it's much closer to hell. That pretty much sums that place up. But if you're curious what I did, well, I got fucking stuck training someone new tonight. It must be a small world and all because it just happened to be Alice's 'nice' friend Bella, though nice isn't really an accurate word I'd use to describe her. I'd say she's more like one of those creatures that looks safe and vulnerable on the outside, but that's only to mask that she'll suck the very fucking life right out of you until there's nothing left and you shrivel up and die. Yeah, that's it."

I stood up from the table and walked away, leaving all three people that were joined by me with their mouths hanging open.

I fell asleep pretty quickly once I laid down, only to wake up several hours later in front of the couch again, but this time the body lying in front of me wasn't my mother's, it was Bella's.

* * *

Up until lunch, things went quickly. Emmett talked me into going to the cafeteria. I really didn't want to, because of _her_, but I went anyway. We were there before she and Alice showed up. I tried not to act like I noticed her, but I definitely noticed her.

She sat down across from me, sort of, and talked to everyone but me, of course. She had on another turtleneck, black and grey this time, making her skin look paler than normal. It almost seemed iridescent. Obviously I was staring to notice that shit. The group started asking her questions, and I pretended I wasn't listening to her answers, but I was. I was hoping there was something in one of them that would explain whatever caused this feeling around her, but there wasn't, and if I was being honest, it aggravated me. Why couldn't she just leave me the hell alone?

It's like she sensed my aggravation or something, because she was fidgeting with the top of her turtleneck, something she did often, like it was a shield meant to protect her or camouflage her. What was the fascination with the fucking turtlenecks, anyway?

So I joined in the questioning, even though Alice had asked everyone to stop, but I wasn't one to bow to others demands. And again, if I was being honest, I wanted to punish her somehow for making me feel this way, because I didn't want to feel like this around her. I didn't want to feel anything for anyone. I sensed she wore those turtlenecks for a reason, and that reason she didn't want anyone knowing.

I was cruel, and I could see it all over her face how much I hurt her, but she sat there and took it until Rosalie changed the subject. I acted like I didn't care, but I did, and I hated admitting that to myself. I was hit with regret, almost like a solid punch in the chest with the emotion, when she excused herself from the table.

It had been a long time since I really felt anything but the pain in my chest and anger, but I regretted hurting her. It was a foreign emotion to me now, but I fucking felt it, anyway.

She came to Biology, looking different, looking resigned. I did my best to hide the fact that I saw her. I was doing that a lot where she was concerned. She sat down next to me, and there was definitely a difference in the way she carried herself. I sighed loudly. Yeah, it was meant to get her attention, only because I wanted to see if she would look at me. She didn't.

Mr. Banner started a discussion on cats, acting all excited and shit about the topic. I snorted at the way he reacted and his topic of choice. What the fuck was so exciting about cat species? Of course because I made a noise, he thought that was my way of volunteering to participate. I gave him some lame answer I didn't believe, followed by an asshole response. He was pissed, that was obvious. What did he expect me to do? He really shouldn't have called on me.

He was preparing to verbally rip me apart when his eyes suddenly locked on Bella about the time I saw from my peripherals she was raising her hand. I immediately looked at her.

"I disagree with _Edward_," she said. There was no mistaking the disgust she felt toward me in the way she said my name. She started going into why she disagreed, her words showing she was pretty fucking smart, but she was doing that shit to challenge me, and she let me know that by the way she looked at me once she was finished. And then she finished it off with calling me a cat whisperer and some other bitchy shit.

I could hear laughter all around us, but my focus was on her. I was so fucking hard again. It was like her bitchiness was a form of Viagra for my dick. This girl was really pissing me off with the way she made me lose control of my body. My lip was twitching and I grit my teeth together.

We were in a stare down, making threats with our eyes. I expected her to flinch, but she didn't, and I was turned on even more. I smirked at her, letting her know with my eyes this shit was far from over, and she obliged with her own for me to basically give her my best shot. I was planning on it.

I skipped out of last period with Emmett, heading back to his place with Rosalie to drink. I was acquiring a nice buzz, laying back in one of the recliners that rested in the small living room of the loft above his parent's garage.

I was relaxing, attempting to clear my mind of anything that would mess with my buzz, but that failed on a major epic level when Emmett mentioned the one person I did not want to fucking discuss.

"That Bella seems pretty cool, heh? I think Newton has a hard-on for her, though."

"Newton has a hard-on for anything that doesn't have a dick," Rosalie scoffed.

"She's not his type," I blurted out. Where the fuck did that shit come from?

I could actually hear Rosalie's head cock to the side, feel her eyes on me. "How would you know that?"

"I don't," I answered quickly to recover. "Just forget it."

She shook her head. "I don't think so, Edward. You can't say shit like that then tell us to forget it. What? Do you like the girl or something?"

I sat up quickly, practically slamming my beer down on the table. "Shut the fuck up, Rosalie." That bitch was too nosey sometimes. I stood from the chair, reaching for my keys that slid down between the armrest and the cushion. "I gotta go. I've gotta get ready for work."

"Don't be like that, Cullen," Emmett laughed. "Rose was just fucking with you."

I grabbed my keys, yanking them free. "Whatever, man. I gotta go. I'll catch ya later."

I headed straight for my car, peeling out of the driveway toward the highway. As soon as I made it home, I went straight to my room, feeling even more suffocated by Isabella Swan. She was not only in the same town as me, but she'd managed to end up in several of my classes, own and work at my place of employment and wormed her way into the hearts of my friends. I couldn't seem to escape her.

Tanya was waiting for me near the timecards when I made it to work. She smiled at me, batting her eyelashes and trying to act sexy and shit. She nodded her head toward the closet and I followed her. My entire body was tense, and honestly, I just needed to get off.

She was grabby when she reached my pants, practically tearing off my jeans and boxers. She looked up at me, licking her lips all seductive like as she wrapped her fingers around my dick. I smirked down at her and gripped her hair in my hand just as she wrapped her lips around the tip.

My head fell back while my eyes closed, and I groaned as she sucked me all the way into the warmth and wetness of her mouth. She started off slow, her tongue gliding along the underside of my dick. She stroked down once with her mouth, then moved back up. As she reached the head, she pulled her mouth off, licking the tip and dragging her teeth lightly across the sensitive skin. I hissed at the sensation, and she wrapped her lips around me again, putting a tight pressure against the tip with her tongue and lips. It was torture, the way the pleasure was stilled because she wasn't moving. She finally moved over me as she began pumping me at the base with her small hand.

I was groaning loudly because it felt so fucking good. Tanya was on her knees with my dick in her mouth, making me feel good, but it wasn't her face I was seeing behind my eyelids. Instead, it was Bella. Her soft lips were wrapped around me, her brown eyes staring up at me under her lashes and her warm hands made me feel as good as her mouth. I grew even harder picturing her.

My breathing elevated as my climax neared. Specks of white light fluttered behind my eyes, and the muscles in my stomach tightened as it got closer. Tanya started moving faster, knowing I was close to coming. I felt a pleasurable burn start at the latter half of my body, shooting back up to stop at my groin. The pleasure was so intense it nearly buckled me at the knees. She squeezed me with her thumb and forefinger as she moved further down, my tip hitting the back of her throat. I cried out, feeling my cock twitch just before I came. I could feel her swallowing around me, doubling the pleasure my climax caused. It took a long moment for the feeling to actually dissipate.

I lifted my head just as Tanya released me from her mouth. She was smiling up at me, obviously very fucking pleased with herself. I smiled back, thanking her, but if she knew she wasn't the one I visualized giving me head, she'd never do it again.

She stood up, wiping her mouth some while I tucked myself back in my boxers and pulled my jeans back up.

"You were pretty loud," she breathed. "I'm surprised no one heard you."

I lifted an eyebrow. "So what if they did."

She shook her head, laughing. She turned around ready to step out of the closet, but I grabbed her arm, spinning her back around to face me. Her eyes widened, and then she moaned as my hand snaked down between her legs. I could feel the warmth and wetness that had seeped through her panties.

I leaned forward, placing my mouth near her ear, barely whispering the words, "Next time, I'll be the one on my knees tasting you."

She shuddered against me, whimpering softly. I figured it was the least I could do, offering to go down on her since I'd thought of another girl while she was blowing me. It's not something I did, offering to do that shit. I did it only if I wanted to, but I rationalized that it was pay back to Bella for making me think of her sexually yet again. It didn't make sense now, but it made sense at the time, and I'd already offered Tanya my tongue.

I started out of the closet, and she straightened herself a little more before following behind me. I clocked in real quick, throwing on my smock, and started for the store. Just as I was heading out of the backroom, I caught the tail end of a conversation between Bella and Matt – he was asking her out.

I became angry, irrationally, but I was angry none the less. I shouldn't give a shit about either of them, and to save face, I got shitty, commenting about a dating service. Tanya followed suit, but I'll be damned if Bella didn't call her the fuck out, telling her she still had jizz on her mouth.

I had to suppress the urge to laugh by turning away. Tanya took off toward the registers, and I made my way toward Houswares, but Paula stopped me halfway, telling me there was a cart of laundry detergent and shit that needed stocked.

I growled under my breath but made my way to the cart, anyway. Shortly after, I heard Bella come up behind me. We didn't say shit to each other, which was fine by me. Being near her was difficult enough.

It was semi comfortable, both of us working on opposite sides of the aisle, but when we reached that last box I was going to unload it myself. I was attempting to keep things cordial, not fucking easy to do with her, but I should have known with Bella that was impossible. She started arguing with me about who should open the box. It was a stupid reason to argue with me about, but she said some shit about me instructing because she needed to learn, so I told her to go right the hell ahead.

The problem was, she had a shitty way of opening the box. It was weird, honestly. I told her it was wrong, and in turn, she compared me to a fucking _Star Wars_ character. We threw insults back and forth, that smart mouth of hers making it difficult to think of anything but bending her over the cart. This was really getting ridiculous.

I thought I had the upper hand by calling her a Wookie and asking if a duster on the end cap was her cousin. I was wrong. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. So while I go say hello to Cousin Itt over there, I'll be sure to bring you back a ladder, short round, that way your stubby, green ass can reach the second shelf."

Jesus Christ, I'd never been so pissed and turned on before in all my life.

I stalked toward her, pushing her against the shelves with my body. Her warm body was pressed tight against mine, and I had to suppress the urge to groan. I placed my hands on either side of her head, my breathing staccato. I stared into her eyes, seeing my anger mirrored. I wondered if she was turned on as well. I wasn't about to ask her, because I had no intention of telling her she made my dick hard just by being a bitch. If I really thought about it, that fact was pretty fucked up.

I felt that pull again, the need to touch her, and my right hand moved just the slightest, causing my pinky to barely graze her. A current shot up my arm, settling at my chest in the form of excruciating need. It scared the living hell out of me, so I jerked my hand away.

I felt different, on display, but I could see inside her. The pain there, it constricted my chest to the point it actually physically hurt. I couldn't even swallow. The lines on her face diminished, her expression softening, and I felt like she reached inside me at that moment and took a chunk of me out.

"I can see it," she whispered. "I can see the pain, Edward."

I'd never felt more vulnerable, not since…

"You can't see anything," I growled.

"What?" she asked. She seemed completely clueless as to what I was talking about.

"Don't try to analyze me. You can't see anything."

"I was just-"

"You don't know anything about me, so don't pretend that you do."

"Edward, I was just-"

"Don't," My tone pleading. I turned on my heels, starting down the aisle. How I was able to call back to her, I don't know. "It's seven-thirty, and that means dinner."

I didn't even go to the break room. I stormed out the exit door that led to the back of the store. I had so many different fucking emotions coursing through me, making me feel like I was so open that I was raw and bleeding.

How could she see? Why her?

The only ones who knew anything about my past were Carlisle, Esme, Alice and a few staff members at school. How could she know that there was a hole where my heart should be?

It made me angry, knowing she could see inside me like that. She had no right to know my pain. I wasn't offering her that right. Why did she have to go and get analytical on me, like figuring me out and piecing me together had suddenly become important to her? I didn't give her any reason to believe I was okay with her attempting that. I didn't need her to figure me out, and I sure as fuck didn't need her to piece me together. I didn't need or want anyone for anything. I didn't want any kind of attachment. Doing that meant allowing myself to care about someone, and the last time I allowed myself to really care about someone, I…

Why the hell did she have to come here of all places, anyway?

I paced back and forth, cursing under my breath, wanting to hit something, anything that would distract the ache in my chest. I leaned against the brick wall, slamming the sides of my fists against the cement. It hurt, but I didn't care. I growled out my frustration, trying to purge myself of this agony and Isabella Swan.

Nothing I did relieved me. But at least I was away from her. I had that… or so I thought. She must have been seeking me out, wondering where I'd gone. Hadn't she done enough already? She pushed through that back door, stepping out into the chilly air. My eyes immediately fell on her, seeing the guilt on her face.

She started to open her mouth, and I held up my hand, stopping her. "Don't do it." I shook my head. "I don't want to know what happened back there. I don't want you to say anything."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to-"

"Fuck," I growled, slamming my fists against my sides. "Don't you listen? Why can't you stay out of my… Why can't you just stop?"

"Because," she said as she walked toward me. "I'm trying to make this right, okay?"

"I don't need you to make it right. I don't need you to do anything for me, but stop."

"I can't," she whispered.

Didn't she learn? Wasn't I clear enough that she needed to stay away? She was driving me crazy, tearing me down and making me feel _something_, and we didn't even know each other. How could someone I didn't really know, who didn't really know me, have this much power over me? I didn't hand it to her, and I certainly didn't want her to have it. I had no idea how much more I could take of this shit.

She started moving toward me again, and that was not a good idea. "Stop," I warned.

She shook her head. "No."

"Bella, I fucking swear if you don't stop-"

"You'll what?" she challenged.

My control was feeble at best when I was more clearheaded, but I was not clearheaded right now because she just wouldn't let shit go. I pushed forward, trapping her between me and the brick wall. It was cold as fuck out, but her warm body pressed against mine was a huge contrast to the harsh coldness outside. I couldn't focus on anything but the way she felt against me or the way she made me feel, which obstructed the anger. Her eyes widened as she stared up at me, her top front teeth biting into her lip.

I didn't know what it was, but I wanted something. I just fucking wanted. And before I even realized what I was doing, my eyes were closed and my nose was brushing against her cheek, her warmth and scent clouding up my thoughts.

She practically whimpered my name, and that snapped me out of the non lucid state I was in. I stepped back quickly, putting distance between me and her. The way I was acting, it wasn't rational, and I needed to stay the hell away from her. Whatever she was doing to me, it made me feel like I was completely losing control, and I didn't like it.

I took another step back, keeping my eyes on her. She was confused, but truth be told, she wasn't the only one. "You need to stay away from me, Bella." She started to speak, but I cut her off. "I mean it."

I didn't give her a chance to answer before I was through the door and back inside the store, heading toward Paula's office. One way or another, she needed to separate me and Bella, and she needed to do it now.


	6. Chapter 6: Just Go

This chapter is Epov, next will be in Bpov and we'll be speeding things up some. I'll warn you, Edward has a major potty mouth. ;)

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophz456, for beta'ing this beast for me and giving me all the support you do. I love you beyond words, bb. Love to my girls Bbebar, shackle_me and hayboo05. Lastly, lots of love to my readers and reviewers. It's sick how much I adore all of you.

**ONE FINAL NOTE: I know things are pretty intense with Edward, this is why he's been dubbed Intenseward. Lol. It'll make more sense soon. The more he fights, the harder *cough* things are for him. Don't worry, we'll get to addressing things. Also, a few people mentioned thinking that if Bella had Edward's mom's heart it would be wrong to do to him or weird. First, I did NOT say Bella would have his mom's heart, I did NOT say either way, so please don't jump to conclusions. Second, if it were YOUR child, would it matter who the heart came from as long as it was a match, it saved your child's life and they WANTED to be a donor? The heart Bella has, it's given her the gift of life. It's given her a second chance. Look at it that way, no matter who it belongs to. Third, I did NOT say or imply that the familiarity in their touch had anything to do with someone's heart. I could have been implying souls. ;) Now that I have that outta the way, on to the chapter. See you in a couple weeks.**

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Just Go**

"**Just Go"**

_I feel so alone _

_From all I've become _

_I'll take you down _

_I'll feel so down _

_I'm water while you drown _

_You're lifted while I'm down _

_I'm cancer in your womb _

_I'm the needle in your spoon, but... _

_I haven't been here long enough to know _

_Everytime I feel this I just lose control _

_Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful _

_I wish that this would just go, go._

Edward

I ran my hands roughly through my hair, practically yanking it out from the roots as I stormed through the store, gritting my teeth and growling under my breath while taking my anger out on the hard floor with heavy steps.

People in the vicinity of me steered clear. No one bothered to speak to me - not that anyone tried much anyway - and that was exactly how I liked it, but my temper more than showed I was not in the mood to be fucked with. I was angry, and the anger I felt ignited further the more I tried to figure shit out.

_What the fuck just happened back there? _

_What did she think she was trying to prove?_

Bella was fucking with my head in ways I couldn't understand, and it was beyond frustrating because I had parts of me warring with each other over whatever the hell this was that was going on inside me now. I was rubbing all up on her face with mine, nearly kissing her because I couldn't seem to control myself around her. I could blame my dick for that, because my dick really seemed to like her even when I didn't, but that was affection I didn't give anyone, and that had me twisted up inside. I didn't do affection.

I was trying to tell myself it was simply about getting in her pants, that it wasn't anything more than that because I didn't give a damn about her. The thing was, I'd desired other girls, but it had never been this intense, and I had never had to deal with feeling something other than the desire to stick my dick in them. Maybe if I just fucked the hell out of her like I had them, conquered her in the way I needed to, I'd be able to move on and not feel so restrained by her.

The fact that she was able to affect me at all highly pissed me off. I put up walls, barricaded my emotions so I wouldn't feel any kind of attachment to anyone. I didn't need that shit; I didn't need to feel for anyone again, but she was making me fucking _feel_. It was all these things, wrapping me up, coiling around me, and it was suffocating the hell out of me.

I hated her and wanted her at the same time. But this want, it was driving me crazy insane. I'd never wanted like this before. I wanted to use her body in ways she couldn't even dream of, fuck the pain right out of our hearts, but for some reason, I couldn't figure out. I didn't want to just fuck her; I wanted to consume her. She made me feel so goddamn primal that all I wanted to do was mark every part of her, inside and out, to the point that no matter how hard she tried to forget, I'd always be inside her fucking head like she was mine. Feeling any of this shit was not okay, and I just wanted to get away from her.

I reached Paula's office, knocking loudly against the metal door. She had to fix this, and she had to do it now, because working directly with Bella was not going to fucking happen any longer.

She opened the door, eyes narrowing as soon as she realized it was me. I was in the mood for her shit even less than usual right now, but I'd deal with it if she'd put Bella with someone else, preferably on the other side of the store where I couldn't see her.

She chomped her gum, staring at me as if I were a fucking bug she wanted to squash.

_The feeling is mutual, bitch_.

I knew she hated me more than anyone else, I knew I was an asshole, but I didn't try to hide that shit. It was who I was, who I needed to be. Paula was a kiss-ass to the owners, acting all kind and like she gave a damn in their presence, but that bitch's multiple personality came out when they weren't around.

When she finally spoke, her tone matched her icy stare. "What do you want, Edward?"

"I got a problem I need fixed," I said curtly.

She smiled smugly, like knowing I had a problem was the highlight of her fucking existence. "And what exactly is this problem you need fixed, Edward?"

"Bella," I answered.

Her eyebrows lifted in question, and I waited for her to move out of the fucking way so I could go inside the office. I really didn't want to do this shit where others could hear and know my business, but she didn't move.

"What about Bella?"

"We can't work together," I stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was pretty fucking obvious to me.

"And why is that?" She turned around briefly as the phone rang.

"How much time you got, because the list is long?" I muttered.

Her head snapped back in my direction, and she looked pissed. "What was that?"

I bit back a shitty response, which wasn't fucking easy to do, before answering her. "Look, Paula, we don't get along, alright? I did what you asked me to, I started training her, but it's just not working out. She's…. difficult."

She laughed. "I see. Let me see if I got this right, okay? Basically, she doesn't bow down to you, so she's difficult. Is that about right? Are you saying you can't handle one girl?"

What the fuck? Was she questioning my masculinity and shit? "That's not what I fucking said. I said she was difficult and we didn't like each other; I didn't say I couldn't handle her. Get your facts right."

Her eyes narrowed in tight slits as she glared at me. "First, watch how you talk to me. You seem to forget I don't have to keep you here. You're walking a fine line, Edward, and I've just about had my fill of you. Please, give me a reason to fire you. You know what happens then." I started to open my mouth, because that's just what I fucking did, but she held up her hand to stop me. "Second, if you can handle her like you claim, why are you outside my office?"

"I thought that shit was obvious, Paula." Her mouth slammed shut, the fact that I cussed at her again pissing her off further. She ground her teeth together, her face turning beet red with anger, so I gave her the smile I knew made a bitch wet. I could see that shit worked too the moment she blushed. "I was trying to be a good employee and all by coming to you before shi… stuff happened. So could you take care of it?"

She blinked a few times, shaking her head before looking away. "I'm not moving her with someone else. In fact, I'm considering extending her training another couple days."

The anger I'd been holding back bubbled over, and I didn't care about holding back anymore. I was so pissed, I wanted to hit something. I needed to fucking get away from Bella. Did she not get that shit? "You can't fucking do that," I spat.

"Excuse me?" she growled. "I can and will if that is what I choose to do." She stepped forward, so close that I could smell her nasty ass breath. She licked her lips, staring at my mouth before her eyes met mine. "Deal with it, Edward. You are here to do a job, and believe me, that's not by my choice. You messed up, and that's why you're here. You will continue to work with Bella, and if you have a problem with that, you can quit. Remember, working here is much easier than what it could have been."

I fisted my hands at my sides, fighting the urge to punch something. I could taste the rage, and she enjoyed deliberately fueling the anger. That bitch made sure to throw the reason I was here in my face every chance she got. She enjoyed pissing me off. It was like foreplay to her, because everyone here knew she wanted my dick. It was the only reason she hadn't already fired me. I think she actually believed that if she pissed me off enough, I'd throw her up against a wall and fuck her one day. That shit was never gonna happen.

As much as I wanted to say something to tear her down, it wouldn't change a damn thing other than getting me fired or turning her on. I could quit or get my ass fired, but then I'd end up in Juvie. I wasn't about to end up in that place.

I turned around, grating my teeth together, raging inside. As I moved down the stairs, I passed Tanya. "You look like you need to meet me in back," she breathed.

I was not in the fucking mood, even for head. "Not now, Tanya," I growled.

I moved past her, heading toward Housewares. Bella was already standing there, shifting her weight on her feet. "Edward, I-"

I held up my hand. I couldn't do this with her, not now. Hearing her voice was already making me lose my shit. "Just do your fucking job, Bella. Okay?"

She sighed loudly beside me, but didn't say anything else. We didn't speak, didn't look at each other the rest of the evening. That is, until we were leaving. She was parked across the lot, heading toward her piece of shit truck.

I watched her walk the distance and climb inside, feeling myself come apart more as she left. I didn't understand this shit, and it was completely tiring feeling all these things that made no sense, but I didn't like the way it looked when she walked away.

When I got home, everyone was asleep but Alice. She was sitting on the couch in the living room, watching some fucking modeling show she had on Tivo. As soon as she saw me, she stiffened. I should have been used it; it was something she always did when she saw me, but I didn't want to deal with it tonight.

I could have gone up to my room and gotten out the bottle of Patron – which was sounding really fucking good to me right now – but then I'd be alone, and I'd be able to think about shit I didn't want to think about until the alcohol kicked in. When it wasn't my mom, it was Bella.

So I did something I never did, because I needed a distraction, I sat down on the other end of the couch and watched that dumbass modeling show with Alice. Yeah, the chicks were pretty hot, but some of them weren't that bright.

"How do you watch this shit?"

I asked the question aloud before I realized I even opened my mouth. It wasn't really meant for her to hear, but once the question hit the air, I knew it would be taken for more than it was, like an open invitation to have a conversation.

Alice gasped, like me speaking to her was a phenomenon. I knew I was to blame for that, but I couldn't listen to the pity, or how much they wanted to help put me back together, and I couldn't let myself fucking care anymore, because if I lost someone else I loved, I'd…

"I… uh… like it," she finally whispered.

I don't know what compelled me to look at her - maybe it was how tiny and unsure she sounded - but I turned my head and glanced right at her. I hadn't really looked at Alice in a long time, I didn't have a need to, but she looked small, smaller than I remembered.

It wasn't about her actual size, because she was really fucking tiny, but her personality was always bigger than her little body. Sometimes, I thought it was too big. You could see that shit when you looked at her. But this Alice sitting next to me? I couldn't see that big personality anymore.

She was uncomfortable. I could see it in the way she sat there all rigid, keeping her eyes focused on the T.V. I knew it was me who did that to her. Everyone tiptoed around me, waiting for me to just fucking lash out or break down. I didn't talk to them, I never made any efforts, and I think it affected Alice more because we'd always been close. I used to take care of her when I came to visit every summer. A lot of shit was different when my mom was alive.

She thought I hated her, hated all of them. I know she did. But it had nothing to do with me hating them and everything to do with what would happen if I let them in. If I could hold them at arm's length, it wouldn't be so bad when they were gone, because it was only a matter of time when the world decided to fucking swallow them up, too.

In another life, I could have sat there and talked to her about this show I clearly didn't give a shit about, all because it was what she liked and it made her smile. I could have told my sister I loved her. I would have meant it, too. But that life where we could share that shit wasn't this fucked up one. This right here? This emptiness that had become my existence? This was reality.

Things were starting to get personal inside my head, even down here watching this bullshit T.V. show, and I was ready to just cut it all off with some alcohol. I needed the burn it caused down my throat to invade my whole body and just fucking melt away everything but the numbness.

I didn't say anything as I stood up and moved around the couch toward the stairs.

"Edward… Can I-"

I cut her off, even though I knew she'd been struggling to decide whether or not she should speak to me. But I also knew exactly what she'd say. "I know what you're going to say, Alice, but don't. I'm going to bed."

I was trying not to be shitty. I was really trying because I knew she was hurting, but up until recently, it wouldn't have mattered so much because I needed her to feel that pain so she wouldn't try to reach out to me. The thing was, a lot of feelings, or whatever the fuck you wanted to call them, were going on inside me, mixing me all up, and this ache I was feeling right now… It was a new kind of ache. I felt this slight grip in my chest upon seeing Alice hurt.

This shit didn't start until Bella. She did something. She opened me up somehow, left a gaping wound so that all those things I was hiding from could seep in and attack me emotionally. I didn't even know what she did, how she managed to do it at all, but I didn't want it. I didn't want to fucking feel anything but the pain that reminded me of how I failed the one person who _never_ failed me. Not being home when I should have cost my mother her life. It was my fucking fault.

I moved toward the stairs, placing one foot on the bottom step and stilling the moment I heard her trembling voice.

"I don't feel sorry for you," she whispered. She thought I was already gone. I wasn't. "I just miss my brother. I know he's in there somewhere, and I wish he'd come home."

I heard the shuddered breath, and then I heard her soft cries, no doubt for the guy I used to be, as I made my way up to my room.

I locked the door as soon as I shut it behind me. I didn't bother changing out of my clothes because I was too fucking exhausted, so I just dropped backward on my bed, grabbing the Patron from between the mattress and box springs.

"Do what you do," I mumbled, tipping the bottle back and taking a large swig. "Make this shit go away."

* * *

"_Please," she breathed, her naked chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. "I can't wait any longer."_

_I smirked down at her. Fuck, she was beautiful. "I knew you wanted this shit as much as me."_

_I leaned down, sucking one of her nipples into my mouth as I ran my hands down the sides of her warm body, kneading her soft skin with my fingertips as I grazed my teeth over the sensitive flesh. She moaned loudly, bucking her hips up into me and rubbing that pussy against my dick. I'd never hated boxers so goddamn much in all my life. _

_I ground myself into her, wishing I'd just gone commando and there was no fucking barrier between us so I could bury myself inside her. I'd never wanted to fuck someone so much in all my life. I wanted to feel her all around me, tight and warm. I wanted to consume every inch of her and make her mine._

"_You want this, Bella?" I ground my dick into her again. She was so wet, I could feel her through my boxers. "Tell me you fucking want this, and I'll give it to you."_

_She gripped the waistband of my boxers with shaky fingers and began yanking them down. "I want you… please."_

_I finished pushing them off with my feet, not wanting to move my body away from the warmth of hers. I kissed and licked my way over her collarbone, tasting her skin as her tiny body began writhing underneath mine. Her skin felt so good against mine. I grazed my teeth over the skin of her neck, nipping with my lips as I traveled over her jaw bone to her lips._

_I pressed my lips hard against hers, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She tasted so much better than I imagined she would; so fucking sweet. Just like that strawberry shit she used._

"_Please, Edward," she pleaded while wrapping her legs around my waist. "I want you inside me."_

_I liked the way she was begging for my cock, all needy and shit, just like she made me feel every day. I wanted her to beg some more, get her good and worked up before I pushed my way inside her, but she wrapped her legs tighter around me, pulling me even closer and began grinding herself on me. _

_I could feel her, hot and wet as my dick slid along her slick lips. She was pleading with me to fuck her, and God, how I wanted to fuck her. I was the needy one now, wanting inside her so damn bad I ached all over my body from the need. Any other time, I would have wanted to taste between her legs before I got inside that pussy, but not today. _

"_God, Bella, I fucking want you."_

"_Oh, please," she pleaded again. _

_I didn't want to wait any longer. I'd waited long enough to get inside her, and I felt like I'd go insane if I waited any longer. I grabbed my dick in my hand and circled the tip around her clit before positioning at her opening, then pushing inside her, groaning when wet heat and tightness surrounded me. _

"_Shit," I ground out. She had me so wound up, wanting her so damn bad, I had to stop briefly and relax myself before I completely thrust inside her. _

_I knew it would feel good once I finally got inside her, but I never expected her to feel this good. I'd fucked before, felt the pleasure of being inside a girl's pussy, but what I felt while being inside Bella was more intense than I ever expected. I didn't know if it was because I'd wanted her so damn much and fought it and that's why she felt so goddamn good, but I knew this was different from any other time I'd had sex._

_Whatever the reason, I was just going to enjoy the shit. I started working my hips nice and slow. I didn't want to rush; I just wanted to enjoy the way she felt. _

_She was lifting her hips to meet mine, trying to force me to move quicker within her. _

"_I need more," she breathed. _

_And I wanted to give her more. I wanted to bury myself so deep inside her she'd never forget that anyone but me could make her feel this way. She'd never want anyone but me inside her._

_I thrust into her a little harder just to tease her, because I knew it still wasn't enough. "You want more?"_

_She licked her lips and closed her eyes at the precise moment I pushed roughly into her. "God, Yes."_

_I didn't want her eyes closed. I wanted those brown eyes that spoke so much, that held so much fucking passion, looking right at me, seeing my face, knowing I was the one making her come apart underneath me. _

"_Open your eyes and say it," I ordered, thrusting harder. "Say you want more."_

_Her eyes met mine. "I… Oh, God… want more."_

_I reached for both her hands, not slowing the pace of my hips, and pushed them above her head, entwining our fingers._

"_Only me, Bella." I punctuated each word with a hard thrust. "Only my cock can make you feel this way."_

"_Only you," she moaned._

_Those two words made me feel so fucking elated, so animalistic and desperate to claim her more, that I began pounding into her tiny body, claiming every inch of her, inside and out. I was touching places no one ever had, marking her like she had me. _

_She was moaning and whimpering, her sounds growing louder as the slapping of our skin increased. She felt so good, I never wanted it to end, but I was too far gone to stop or slow down now. I could feel the tightening in my stomach, my orgasm approaching quick._

"_I want to feel you come, Bella. Please come for me."_

_Her muscles began tightening around me, her mouth opened and a loud buzzing took the place of moans. _

_The noise grew louder, replacing her, replacing what we were doing. _

The echo of the alarm jolted me awake, and my eyes shot open while my ears attempted to crawl inside my fucking head at the sound. I groaned as I slammed my fist against it to turn it off, wincing at the sound of my hand connecting with the alarm because my head hurt. I rolled from my side to my back, then ran my hands roughly over my face, coating my palms with the sweat that covered my skin.

"Fuck," I growled.

My head hurt so damn bad, but the fact that my dick was so hard to the point it hurt pretty much distracted me from the pain my head was in.

I sat up slowly, the throbbing in my head making me feel nauseous and lightheaded. I reached for the Aspirin on my nightstand, took out three, and swallowed them down dry.

I stood up from the bed, stripping off my clothes, and headed into my bathroom. I would have preferred to stay home, whack off in bed and nurse my hangover, but Esme wouldn't let that shit happen. So I walked over to the shower, my dick aching with every step I took, and pulled the shower curtain back and reached for the handles.

I got the shower going and climbed inside. I knew I couldn't go to school with a hard-on, and there wasn't pussy anywhere close by - not the pussy I obviously wanted, anyway - so my hand would have to do.

I stood under the warm spray, letting the water zigzag little trails down my body. I would have normally washed up before whacking off, but at this point, my dick was throbbing too painfully to wait. I lathered the body wash in my hands, making sure there was enough coating my palms, and reached down, grabbing my dick in my hands.

I hated that she made me resort to this shit. I hated that she got inside my head, not only invading my thoughts, but invading my dreams as well. She wasn't supposed to be inside my head at all, but there she was, squirming underneath me, taking everything I had to give her. She was enjoying it too. I was punishing her with each thrust. Hating and wanting the way she made me fucking desperate to just own her body.

The harder I pushed inside her within my head, the tighter I gripped myself and pumped up and down my shaft. I was already teetering on the edge, so it didn't take long before my body locked down and my knees nearly buckled underneath me as I came.

"Bella," I groaned, slapping my free hand against the hard tile. It was too much and not enough. I said her name, not really intending to. It wasn't like she could hear that shit anyway, but it just came out.

I braced myself against the cold wall, using it to hold me upright until my body calmed and I could steady myself again on my legs.

"Why?" I growled under my breath, slamming my palm against the tile again, this time in anger. My body was still hypersensitive from coming, but the anger started rolling in. "Why can't you just go? Why did you have to come here and fuck with my head? You don't even know what you're doing, do you?"

She couldn't hear what I was saying, I knew that, but I couldn't stop myself from asking the questions I wanted the fucking answers to.

Instead, they'd go unanswered, and this shit would continue if I didn't do something about it. I needed to get her out of my head. I needed to make myself believe she didn't exist somehow. Kind of like that out of sight, out of mind bullshit. It was probably useless, but I was willing to try anything to stop feeling like this. The only bright side to this fucked up day was that my headache was going away. That was about it.

I washed my hair and body, being careful when I reached my still sensitive dick. After finishing up in the shower, I dressed in a pair of faded jeans and green sweatshirt, then slipped on my converse and headed downstairs.

Esme was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book while drinking coffee. "Good morning," she said.

"Yeah," I answered back, not really thinking before I opened my mouth.

She glanced up from the book, staring at me curiously, then lowered her eyes again. She didn't say shit - I was relieved by that - but I caught the soft smile on her face as I started for the door. I had answered her and it was unintentional, but that smile was one of hope, and even though that wasn't what I intended, the fact that it happened still made me feel like I was betraying my mom.

"Have a good day at school, Edward."

This time, I didn't answer back.

First period was a fucking bore. I hated Calculus, even though I knew it well. I wasn't a dumb fuck; I was smart, but I really didn't care to try. What was the point? It's not like that shit protected you in the real world when someone put a bullet in you or stabbed you to death.

I sat there, drawing shit on my notepad. It wasn't anything specific, and it wasn't what I'd rather be doing right that second, but it was better than listening to Mr. Varner ramble on about limits, functions, derivatives, integrals and infinite series. It also kept my mind off _other_ things.

"So, are you going or what?"

I glanced up from my notebook, meeting Bree's hopeful eyes. I hadn't even realized she was talking to me. "Going where?"

She rolled her eyes. "To Emmett's birthday party tonight. Didn't he tell you about it?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I knew about it, but I hadn't decided if I was going."

"The adults are gone for the weekend, so they won't be around. You should really come." She smiled sheepishly, biting into her bottom lip.

I didn't want her, and having sex with her had only ever been about a form of relief I knew I didn't deserve, but maybe hooking up with her now might just be what I needed to get this shit with Bella out of my head. I leaned forward, grinning as I roamed her body with my eyes. "Maybe I'll be there after work, then."

She went to say something else, but turned around as soon as Varner called her out for talking during class. I went back to drawing in my notebook until class was over.

I was dreading second period because I shared that class with Bella. Just because I didn't want to fucking acknowledge her, didn't mean I wouldn't have to somehow.

Emmett and Jasper met me at my locker. I was on edge, and I tried to hide it, but Jasper somehow saw right through me. That fucker had a way of reading people's emotions.

"Dude, what's up? You look like someone pissed in your cheerios or something."

"I'm fine," I told him. "I just didn't get much sleep."

"What, did Bree keep you up again last night?" he teased.

"Fuck off, Jasper," I growled. "It had nothing to do with Bree. I just couldn't sleep."

"Right," he laughed.

I flipped him off as we entered class, but even the shit he was saying didn't stop my eyes from averting away from the back of his head to Bella's seat. She wasn't sitting there, though. I wondered for a second where she was, then shook my head, asking myself why I should care. She was probably running late, anyway.

I took my seat, throwing my book on the desk, and leaned back. I figured that when she walked in the door, I'd go back to the plan of acting like she didn't exist. It seemed pretty plausible to me. But the bell rang, and she never walked through that door, so the whole pretending she didn't exist went right out the window because I immediately wondered where she was. She was fine last night.

So I sat there through class, zoning everything out but the thoughts inside my head. I would have zoned them out too, but I couldn't seem to escape them. I didn't want to admit it, but I wanted to know where she was. She didn't seem like the type to just miss school, so if she missed, there had to be a good reason, right?

Could she be sick? Maybe she had the flu.

I felt an ache in my chest just thinking of her lying in bed, hurting all over while the flu attacked her insides. I didn't like seeing that shit in my head at all. I immediately got angry, and I realized I was becoming irrational, wanting to kill some motherfucking flu that I didn't even know she had or not.

I was tapping my fingers against the desk, looking back and forth between my hands and her desk. I'd glance up at the clock and huff under my breath whenever I realized there was still a lot of class time left.

People were getting agitated with me, I was disrupting their focus, but I couldn't seem to reign the shit in. I should be thrilled she wasn't around to torment me, but I wasn't. I was antsy, wanting to know where she was, and aggravated because I did want to know and couldn't stop the curiosity. The problem was, I wouldn't find out, and that just made shit worse. It's not like I could run around asking people.

Emmett finally turned to me, pointing to my hands and mouthed, "What the fuck, Edward?"

I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. The moment the bell rang, I flew up out of my seat, moving toward the hallway. I didn't normally walk past her locker, but I made my way toward it now. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but the second her locker came into view, I saw her standing next to it, coat still on, talking to Alice.

She didn't look sick, but I was still interested in knowing where she'd been. I passed her, keeping my eyes ahead of me, but heard her tell Alice she'd been at a doctor's appointment, and that was why she'd missed morning classes. It should have been enough to know where she'd been, but it wasn't.

And that was why I decided during my last two classes before lunch that I was not going to be in that lunch room with her. Sitting and hashing shit in my brain about her was not conducive to forgetting her. It was anything but that. I needed to get grip and I needed to do it right then, because this was driving me goddamn insane.

So I sat in my car, preparing myself for Biology… with some weed. I didn't normally do the shit, but I needed the calm it gave. It helped clear my head so I was able to get myself together. I was gonna go in there, I was gonna sit at my lab table, and I was going to act as if she'd never clawed her way inside my head.

The warning bell rang, so I got out of my car and made my way to class. She wasn't in there yet, so I strolled over to the lab table, infinitely more relaxed now that I was high. I actually laughed to myself, confident I'd make it through without being affected by her.

The bell rang and she wasn't in class yet, but at this point I didn't care. I reached for my book and accidently knocked my pencil to the ground.

As I reached for it, I heard Bella's voice, and my body instantly froze. "I'm sorry, Mr. Banner. I forgot my book in my truck, so I had to run out and get it. I didn't have time to go to my locker and hang my-"

"Just hang it up there and go to your seat, Bella."

I forced myself to regroup and gripped my pencil tightly in my hand, nearly losing my fucking shit and coming right in my pants the moment I saw her.

She was hanging her coat on the rack near the door, her hair wet from being outside, and the action caused her sweatshirt to pull up from the bottom, showing a bit of her stomach. Her jeans were fucking tight around her ass, and I just wanted to grab it with both my hands and squeeze roughly, maybe bite it or lick it. At the very least, I wanted to smack it. I wondered if she liked that shit.

That about did me in… yeah, I was really damn hard, but as my eyes traveled up, stopping when I noticed the word 'juicy' that was not only on her fucking sleeve, but also on the back of the sweatshirt, I think I actually groaned out loud because several people turned around, looking at me strangely.

I didn't think I was going to make it through this class without throwing her on the desk and fucking her.

I was attempting to adjust myself in my seat and not openly gape at her like she was a piece of meat I wanted to devour, but that was pretty much what it was… me wanting to devour her. She sat down beside me, not even looking at me, but it didn't matter. I was too far gone to care.

Her wet hair made the strawberry scent that much more potent as it hit me, and I closed my eyes, practically tasting her on my lips. Climbing under the table and putting my face between her legs was looking really appealing right about now.

I was on the verge of snapping, that damn dream replaying in my head as I stared at her, and I swear to God… If she looked at me, I was not going to be able to stop myself.

I couldn't concentrate on anything but the smell of her, imagining what it would feel like being pressed up against her right now and how she'd look writhing underneath me. I could hear Mr. Banner talking, but it was just a slew of words all running together that made no sense to my brain.

She never looked at me. She just sighed a few times, which my dick mistook for moans. I didn't get this shit… at all. I never wanted someone the way I wanted her, and I didn't know why. But God, did I want her.

It wasn't until she stood up that I realized class was over. I didn't even hear the bell. I watched her leave. Well, more like watched her ass, but whatever.

I was still so damn hard to the point it was uncomfortable to move. I had to walk to Spanish with my book covering my aching dick and a frown on my face because there was nothing I could do about it.

That was the longest, most painful hour of my life.

* * *

As soon as I got home from school, I immediately went up to my room and whacked off… twice. I lay on my bed for awhile, listening to music, sated but not completely. It was enough that I was no longer in pain.

I ended up falling asleep for a couple hours, luckily not having to work. Paula had called, saying she switched days between Quil and I because of his wife being pregnant and shit, so they had some classes to go to. This time while I slept, my dream centered around my seventh birthday, the day my mom was finally able to give me that bike she'd wanted to for so long. I remembered her smile, the way her green eyes lit up when she saw me jump up and down the minute she revealed it to me. That was a good day.

I sat up, wiping the sweat off my forehead and thankful I wasn't sporting another hard-on, then headed downstairs for dinner. I was pretty fucking ravenous now that I'd come twice and had been high earlier in the day. Thankfully, Esme already had dinner ready. I grabbed me a big helping of spaghetti and sat down, practically shoveling the shit in my mouth.

Esme came walking in the kitchen, reaching for something under the sink, then glanced at me, her mouth dropping open when she saw the amount of food on my plate.

"Save some for your father," she teased as she walked out of the kitchen. She wouldn't eat until my dad got home.

I just shrugged my shoulders and continued eating. I noticed Alice wasn't home, so I figured she was out with Jasper. They'd probably make a guest appearance at Emmett's later.

After a second helping, I rinsed my plate off and stuck it in the sink. I started for the stairs, heading up to my room to change so I could head over to Emmett's. I wasn't looking forward to being around everyone, but I at least had the prospect of getting some pussy to look forward to if I went. I wouldn't normally give a shit, and it wasn't that great, but after the day I had, I figured I was entitled. It was definitely better than using my hand.

I made it to the second floor and was hit with a wave of fucking strawberry essence sent straight from hell right to my dick. Esme was pouring this powdered shit on the carpet that smelled just like Bella as she vacuumed. I was instantly hard. She'd never used it before, so I couldn't help but wonder if they secretly got together and bought the shit to fuck with me.

Needless to say, I hopped in the shower, whacking off for a third time before I got ready and left for Emmett's.

I had to park in the grass when I got to his house because there were quite a few cars lined up in the driveway. I was halfway to the door when I heard my name being called. It was dark, but I didn't have to see who it was to recognize the voice as Mike Newton's.

"Cullen, I didn't know your ass was coming tonight."

"Yeah, well, I had nothing else to do tonight," I replied.

He laughed. "Plenty of alcohol inside, so enjoy yourself, man. We'll be in once we're done smoking."

He didn't have to say a name for me to know he was talking about Tyler. Mike and Tyler were the biggest stoners in school. That's where I got my shit from when I had the occasional urge to get high.

I could hear the music before I opened the backdoor, but it was blaringly loud when I walked inside. There were fucking people everywhere. Emmett usually had a big bash going for his birthday, but the amount of people seemed to increase every year.

I pushed through the crowd of people, already knowing Emmett was in the kitchen with some of the other guys, playing beer bong. The minute he saw me, he got this big fucking grin on his face. "Well, look who decided to grace us with his fucking presence. I didn't think you were coming. Did you just get off work?"

He glanced at some guy I didn't recognize and told him to get me a beer. I grabbed it as soon as he handed it to me, popping the tab and taking a swig before I answered him. "Didn't have to work tonight."

"And you're just now getting here?" he asked.

Emmett was a good guy and the only other person besides Jasper that I really spoke to, but that didn't mean we were best buds and I shared my life story with him. The same rules applied with making friends.

I took another drink of my beer. "I had shit to do." He just stared at me, and that was making me uncomfortable, so I pointed to the beer bong, saying, "We gonna do this or what?"

I didn't wanna talk, didn't wanna do anything but drink and possibly get laid.

He smiled again. "We sure as hell are."

We played five or six rounds, Jasper joining us at round two, but Emmett dominated. I told him that, had it been hard liquor, I would have kicked his ass. He laughed then flipped me off. "That's bullshit, Cullen. I'd just get Rose in here, because you know she'd drink your ass under the table."

"Ain't that the truth," Jasper agreed. "Where does she put it all, anyway?"

"I wondered that too," Mike added. "She may be taller than most the girls here, but she's still a girl."

"What? You fuckers don't think a girl can out-drink your sorry asses?" We all turned in the direction of the voice, knowing instantly who it was. "Because I'd be more than happy to kick each one of your asses just to show you otherwise."

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows, wrapping one of his arms around Rosalie's waist. "My girl's got many talents."

I shook my head. "Sick fuck." He clapped me on the back with his free hand, laughing. "You got anything harder than beer?" He pointed toward his dad's mini bar in the living room. I left just as Jasper asked Rosalie where Alice was.

I pushed through more bodies as I made my way toward the far wall of the living room where the bar was located. I walked behind it and scanned the bottles, not finding any Patron. I kneeled down to check the cabinets and see if he had any stashed in one of them before I found some other shit to drink.

I searched through them, finally finding a bottle. I figured I would because Emmett's dad loved Patron. He was the reason I started drinking it to begin with. I pulled the cap off, tipped the bottle back, and took a huge swig. It burned going down, but I welcomed it.

I took another drink before I stood up. I started making my way around the bar when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around quickly, coming face to face with Bree.

"Hey." She smiled. I nodded back at her. "I was wondering if you'd end up coming. I'm glad you did."

"Yeah?" I asked, one eyebrow lifting.

She nodded. "I was just about to leave when I saw you."

I leaned in closer to her, whispering near her ear, "Well, looks like you don't have to leave now, do ya?"

She shivered beside me, then shook her head. I smirked at her before taking another drink. "Do you…" She looked up at me underneath her eyelashes, acting all shy and shit, then glanced toward the main area of the living room where a bunch of people were dancing. "Do you want to dance?"

I didn't dance. It wasn't that I couldn't dance; I chose not to. What was the point? It seemed too intimate to me, and I didn't do intimacy. Besides, I didn't want to go out there with all those people and dance when all I felt like doing was drinking and fucking. I was probably a hypocrite for saying that shit, because some people argued that sex was intimate, and maybe it was for them, but when I did partake, I fucked. There was nothing intimate about the way I fucked. Intimacy led to feelings, and I'd already been more than clear on how I felt about feeling for anyone.

I shook my head. "I'd rather not."

She pouted her bottom lip, reaching for my hand. "Please, Edward. One dance and then we'll leave."

"What makes you think I wanna leave?" I said, smugly.

She leaned forward, rubbing her hands over my chest. "Because I'll make you feel good if you do."

I tipped the bottle back again, then gazed down at her. She wanted me, I could see that, but the fucked part was that seeing her want me like she did didn't even make me hard. A few days ago, I would have been. I had alcohol going through me and was feeling some of its effects, not to mention the fact that I'd been hard most the goddamn day, but right now, looking down at this girl, everything was wrong. _She_ was wrong.

I was gonna do it, though. I was gonna go with her. I was going to give her what she wanted, because maybe if I did, I'd get what I wanted too. Maybe I could fuck Bella right out of my head.

I glanced up toward the crowd of people, opening my mouth to tell Bree what she wanted to hear, when I spotted brown hair and the body I'd wanted to bury myself in all day. She was actually out there, dancing. I was instantly hard again.

Bodies had parted just enough for me to see her. I had no idea she'd be here; I assumed she'd be working, but I was obviously wrong about that.

I didn't even realize I was moving toward her until she was no longer this small body swallowed up in a crowd of people. I was just a few feet away from her now. I didn't say shit to Bree, just left her by the bar. She was probably pissed, but I didn't care.

Bella's back was still to me, and she was swaying her hips to the music. I watched the way her ass moved from side to side as she attempted to stay in sync with the beat. She seemed uncomfortable, definitely out of her element, but since she was beside Alice, I figured that was the only reason she was dancing at all. Alice had a way of getting shit she wanted. All I had to do was look at the way Bella was dressed to know it was all Alice. She still had on a shirt that came up to her neck, but everything molded to her body perfectly. I could see every fucking curve, making me want to touch her more.

People kept getting in my way, obstructing my view of her. It was pissing me off because I just wanted to watch her. I wasn't thinking, just reacting. I only knew what I wanted, and what I wanted was in front of me, trying to fucking dance with my sister.

I took another step forward, being pulled toward her. I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to. I was right there, almost behind her, so close I could smell her scent even with other people beside us, when another body stepped in front of me, putting his fucking hand right on her lower back. I wanted to rip his arm right from the socket.

She turned around, but her eyes didn't meet his. They met mine. It was like she expected me there. Her lips parted and she stared at me for a second longer, then looked right at _him_ and smiled. She fucking smiled.

I instantly felt rage surge through my entire body, leaving me shaking. I knew she was taunting me, and it worked. One hand gripped the bottle tightly in my hand while the other fisted at my side. I wanted to break him, make him understand he wasn't to ever touch her again. She wasn't his to touch.

_But she's not yours, either. _

It was when that one rational thought entered my head that I was able to turn around before I fucking snapped. I pushed roughly through the crowd, not caring if I caused someone to fall. I just needed to get the hell away from her. She was making me lose my damn mind.

She'd had some kind of effect on me since she came here, but it seemed to increase last night during work and practically skyrocketed after that fucking dream. I didn't want this shit, but I couldn't seem to stop it.

I moved through the kitchen to the backdoor, ignoring Emmett when he asked me where I was going. I pushed through the door, slamming it shut as I stepped outside.

_Don't fucking follow me out here. Don't fucking follow me. Please, follow me._

"Damn it," I growled. I started pacing, running my free hand roughly through my hair as I tried to figure this shit out. It was useless. Nothing explained what was happening, and anything I did think about only made me more frustrated.

I brought the bottle up to my lips and drank down what remained, not caring how much it burned down my throat. I just wanted the numbness again, the haze that took all this shit away so I didn't have to feel it, so I could get my head cleared enough to leave.

She must have known, must have heard me somehow, because the door opened and there she was, looking like the fucking angelic demon that she was.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Leave it alone," I warned, tossing the empty bottle as I walked further into the yard.

_Don't do it, Bella._

"No, Edward, I won't leave it alone." She followed behind me, her feet hitting the ground angrily. "What the hell was that back there, huh? You treat me like shit for no reason, and you do it every chance you get, but I-"

"Let it go, Bella," I seethed.

"No," she spat. "Not until you tell me what your problem is with me. I didn't do a damn thing to you, Edward. I purposely avoided you all day. You obviously hate me for whatever reason, so I stayed away from you. I didn't want to come here tonight, but Alice begged me, so I came. You show up out of nowhere, and the second some guy asks me to dance, you shoot daggers at me and storm off. You hate me that much that some guy-"

_Okay, you asked for it._

I turned around abruptly and stalked toward her, causing her words to fall short as she backed up into a tree. I pressed my body against hers, pinning her against the tree and nearly fucking groaning out loud when I felt the heat of her body meld into mine. I wanted her so fucking bad. I wanted to rip her clothes off and claim her right here. "That _guy_ never should have touched you."

She swallowed thickly, her voice small as she challenged me. "He can touch me if he wants."

I growled loudly. What the fuck did she think she was doing saying that shit to me? Was she trying to make me crazy? I could see she was scared, could feel her body trembling against mine, but I was too wound up to control myself. "Is this a game to you? Do you… Are you fucking enjoying this shit, Bella? What are you trying to do to me? This is messing with my head, but you won't… You're always… _Fuck!"_

She was breathing heavily, her warm breath like fire against my skin, making the want for her grow. I may have been able to step back, may have been able to find that last strand of control, but the moment she whimpered, the possibility of getting myself in check was long gone.

I pressed my mouth roughly to hers, groaning the moment my tongued pushed through the part in her lips and I was able to taste her. It was heaven and hell, and I was rejoicing and dying at the same time, but I didn't care because she tasted so good. There wasn't a hint of alcohol on her breath, just pure Bella.

Her hands found their way into my hair and she moaned as I pushed my body harder against her. Her body felt so good against mine. I was so goddamn hard, and I knew she could feel it, but I was so lost in the kiss, lost in her, and something about it was so fucking right. The way she felt, the way she tasted… it was right. And the fact that it felt so right scared the shit out of me. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to feel this. I wasn't supposed to feel anything, not when I could lose everything because of it.

I pulled my lips from hers as if she'd burned me and pushed myself off her by using the tree. I didn't have to look at her to know she was confused, and I refused to look at her. I stepped away from her as fast as I could and headed to my car.

I climbed inside, slamming the door shut behind me. As soon as I started up the car, I stepped on the gas, pulling out of the yard. I pounded my fists against the steering wheel, growling out my frustration, pushing the gas peddle practically to the floor.

I gave in, and I hated myself for it. It couldn't happen again. No matter how much I wanted it to, I had to do something to make sure it never happened again.


	7. Chapter 7: True Colors

Sorry about the delay, loves, but here's a nice, long chapter to make it up. This chapter isn't technically beta'd, but, well, I'm sure you don't mind too much, heh? ;)

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophz456, and Bbebar, shackle_me, hayboo05, marybetherrrrs and j_carroll7. Major love to my readers and reviewers. Thank you so very much for your love and support.

I've included some links about Heart transplants and a picture of what a scar from a recipient would look like… if you're interested.

FYI: Next updates will be a little longer because I'll be on vacation and won't be able to update. However, in that time, when I have the chance, I'll be writing ahead on this story.

http:/i122[dot]photobucket[dot]com/albums/o245/jessicao78/heart-scar1[dot]jpg

http:/www[dot]umm[dot]edu/heart/heart_faq[dot]htm#normallife

http:/www[dot]cumc[dot]columbia[dot]edu/dept/cs/pat/hearttx/faqs_hearttx[dot]html#drink

Songs for this chapter are Outside by Staind and U.R.A. Fever by The Kills

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

* * *

**Chapter 7: True Colors**

**Outside**

_I'm on the outside _

_I'm looking in _

_I can see through you _

_See your true colors _

_Cause inside you're ugly _

_You're Ugly like me _

_I can see through you _

_See to the real you_

"Where have you been?"

I'd barely been standing at my locker mere seconds when a tiny, rambunctious little body practically collided into mine. I laughed at the way she basically bounced on her feet with energy, her hazel eyes dancing with excitement. I almost didn't notice the sadness hidden within them.

"Good morning to you too, Alice."

"Good morning, Bella-ella," she giggled.

"You are a strange little person," I teased, laughing.

"I know," she agreed, nodding her head, her short black hair bobbing with the movement. "So… why were you late? Did you oversleep?"

I was leery about telling her, because I expected her to ask questions I wasn't ready to give answers to, people always did, but for some reason, I just couldn't lie to her. "I had a doctor's appointment."

"You're not sick, are you?" she questioned.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not sick. It was just… uh… a routine checkup."

Surprisingly, she didn't press for any more information. "Well, I'm glad you're here. Do you have to work tonight?" I shook my head, but stared back at her curiously. "Good. I wanted to talk to you about something, but I wasn't sure I'd have the opportunity because you weren't here this morning."

"I'm here now." I put my coat in my locker, then closed it and faced her. "Walk with me, and tell me what you wanted to talk to me about."

She sort of hopped in place and swung her body around, walking with me toward our third period class. "Emmett's birthday party is tonight, and he usually has a pretty big party every year for it. I'd like you to come, too_." _

Definitely not what I expected her to say. I figured it was probably about going shopping, visiting a spa, or something along those lines - which was also uncomfortable, but a bit more reserved than a party. The thing was, parties weren't my scene, but I hated the idea of hurting Alice's feelings. She didn't have to invite me.

I stopped moving, biting my bottom lip nervously as I looked down at her. "Well, I wasn't invited or anything."

She smiled. "Everyone's invited, Bella."

"I don't think so, Alice. I don't think it's-"

"He won't be there," she blurted out.

"What?" This was the part where I played dumb, but I knew exactly who she was talking about. "Who won't be there?"

"Edward," she replied. Her expression changed when she spoke his name, becoming sullen like it usually did when she mentioned him. "I mean, if that's the reason why you're trying to say no. I know you two don't get along and all, but he has to work tonight, so you don't have to worry about him being there. You'll have fun, I promise."

I shrugged, scrunching up my nose like I'd gotten a whiff of something pretty stank. That's how appealing parties were to me. "I really don't know, Alice. Parties just aren't my thing. And I don't know many people, you know? I'd feel awkward going to someone's party that I'm not real familiar with."

"Please, Bella," she pouted. "It would really mean a lot to me if you came along."

I was acutely aware that she was not going to give up. I sighed. "Look, I'll think about it, okay? I'll let you know before school's over."

She clapped her hands together. "Okay. But just so you know, Bella Swan, you _will_ be going with me tonight, and I'm going to make sure you have the time of your life."

Little did I know, Alice Cullen could be relentless when she wanted something. And she was completely relentless all the way through the latter half of lunch. I only had a minor reprieve from her pouty lip and pleading eyes when I headed out to my truck right before fifth period to retrieve my Biology book.

I really didn't think things could get much worse, but I was wrong. The sky opened up, and large pelts of rain came pouring down on me. My hair was soaked, making me look like a drowned rat, I was late to class, and Edward "Confusing asshole" Cullen stared at me through Biology like I was… Hell, I don't know. Dinner, maybe? He made my head hurt with how confusing he was.

By the time the final bell rang, I was just ready to go home and maybe pack my brain with ice to numb away the past twenty-four hours because the day had been confusing and awkward, to say the least. I bypassed my locker, figuring Alice would be there waiting for me. She wasn't, she was waiting near the red bomb instead, wearing a wide smile and an overstuffed book bag.

I exhaled heavily as I walked toward my truck, hanging my head in defeat. The little sprite was not going to give up.

"Bella," she beamed. "I figured I'd wait here for you and-"

"Alright, alright." I held up my hands, emblematic of waving the white flag. "I'll go with you to the party."

Her smile fell, morphing into a frown. "I didn't… I'm sorry if I was being pushy about you going. You don't have to go, Bella. I just… I know you don't know many people here, and I know that we don't know each other really well, but I like hanging out with you, and I get the feeling that you really understand things. I don't have that with anyone else, and I know you don't either, so I thought-"

"Hey." I reached for her arm, feeling guilty about making such a big deal of going to Emmett's party. Alice was reaching out to me, hoping I'd reach back. Normally, the idea of allowing someone to know me was something I wasn't really comfortable with. There were parts of me that even the few friends I had in Phoenix didn't know, but with Alice, and I didn't understand why, the idea of changing that didn't seem so bad. "I'll go, okay?"

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Her bright smile reappeared. "Would it be alright if we got ready at your place? I brought everything I'd need with me in my bag, so I could just ride with you… if you don't mind." She lifted her bag in gesture.

"Sure." I nodded. I unlocked my door, climbed inside and reached over to unlock the passenger door for her. I hated that the red bomb didn't have anything automatic.

She yammered away as I drove to my house. I'd never come across anyone who could change topic in three point two seconds and not be annoying, but Alice pulled it off quite well.

It wasn't until after I introduced her to Charlie – Renee was working – and we made it up to my room, that I realized she had anticipated this outcome all along. Not only had Alice brought along a change of clothing for herself, she brought one for me as well.

"Wow, it's like a bleach farm downstairs," she teased.

"Yeah," I mumbled as she handed me the clothing she brought. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to tell her that my mom was an avid cleaner? She was, but not because she wanted to be.

"I know it's not something you normally wear, but it still comes up to your neck." It wasn't until she mentioned my neck that I peeled my eyes off the shirt in my hands and glanced at her. "Yeah, you wear turtlenecks all the time, but I kinda guessed there was a reason behind it after you reacted the way you did during lunch. You know, when Edward treated you like he did?"

I remembered all too well.

My face felt hot, and it wasn't because of embarrassment... or maybe it was, but mostly because I didn't realize I was that transparent. I clutched my turtleneck that was hidden under my sweatshirt, stammering my words, "I… It's just that… There's things that-"

"You don't have to tell me, you know." She smiled as she sat along the edge of my bed, her fingers gliding lightly over the fringed ends of my blanket. "I'm not going to beg you to do that. It wouldn't be right. I'm already sort of forcing you to go to a party you don't really want to go to, but I honestly didn't have ulterior motives for that.

"Well, not entirely. I mean, you never smile, Bella. Not really. I know what that's like, and I guess I just wanted to do something to change that for both of us. But whatever it is you're hiding under that turtleneck, I can see you're uncomfortable talking about it. I just want you to know that you can talk to me, and whatever you tell me will stay between us. I mean that, Bella."

There wasn't a doubt in my mind she was being truthful. I'd never seen so much clarity and honesty in one person's eyes before.

I sat down beside her. If I was going to do this, tell her why I wore turtlenecks all the time, I'd need to be sitting down. I wasn't even sure why I wanted to tell her, because I'd never wanted to just open up about it before now, but I really wanted Alice to know.

"You don't have to say anything, but I… Can you just tell me that you're okay, Bella?"

I nodded, swallowing over the heavy lump in my throat.

"Is it bad?" she asked.

"I guess it depends on how you look at it," I murmured. "I'm not like… I'm different from you, Alice. I'm less."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "What does that mean? How can you think-"

"Because I am," I interrupted, speaking louder than I intended.

My eyes lowered toward the plush carpet of my bedroom, tears stinging my eyes. I hated this part. My next words were spoken in a crushed whisper. "My heart… it's not really mine."

"I don't understand." The question in her words was so loud inside my head, practically ringing in my ears.

"The turtlenecks… they hide my scar. They hide that I'm different, that I was too weak to hold onto my own heart, so I had to have someone else's. There's things I can't even do like you can. "

"You had a heart transplant." It was a statement, not a question. "And that's what the doctor's appointment was about."

I nodded.

"When did it happen?"

"Almost two years ago," I deadpanned.

"Bella." She turned her little body toward me, grabbing my hands in hers and squeezing. "I'm no expert on heart transplants or giving advice for that matter, but I can tell you what I see, okay? The way you feel about yourself, it's not the way I see you… or how many others see you either."

"That's because they don't know about me, Alice," I countered. "They just know I'm the weird girl who wears turtlenecks all the time."

She shook her head. "You're not weird, you're just self-conscious… but you don't have to be. That scar, your heart transplant, it doesn't make you different or weak. You still have the same parts, Bella, even if some weren't the ones you were born with. You still have a heart, just like everyone else does. You say it's not yours, but I'm sure it beats loud when you're excited about something or scared, and it hurts when you feel emotional pain. That makes it your heart more than you know. It loves what you love, dislikes what you don't. It feels what you do. It does everything it's supposed to do to make it yours.

"And you being weak? Not even close. Think of how strong you had to be in order to fight to live. You didn't give up; you're here. It means you're a survivor, Bella. There's nothing weak about that in my eyes."

I scrunched up my nose in disgust. "But this scar, it's just-"

"It's just you," she smiled. "It's part of you now, and if someone loves you, they'll love your scar, too."

"I doubt that," I replied curtly.

"What bothers you more about the fact that you had heart surgery?"

I cocked my head to the side, quirking an eyebrow. "How much time you got, because the list is pretty long?"

She laughed. "Educate me with your list, Miss Swan."

I sighed, wiping my eyes. "It's not just about the heart or the scar. That's a big part of it, yes, but I just… Being sick caused my parents to go bankrupt; it's why we're here. My health put a lot of stress on them. I sat and watched both my parents age because of worry over me, how they were going to afford the bills, or where we'd live if we lost our home."

"This scar," I said, patting my chest. "It's not just a reminder of the surgery, that I'll have this hideous looking mark on my body forever, it's a reminder of that too. I can't take back what they had to go through because of me."

"You act like this is something you should have been able to control. It's not, Bella. Things happen, things we can't control. Some of it's pretty shitty too. But you're alive, and it's very obvious that's the only thing that matters to your parents," she stated.

"I can't speak for your mom and dad, but I don't doubt they love you more than anything, Bella. You are the most important part of their life - that's what kids are to their parents. They do what they have to do for their child because they love them, you know… even if that child doesn't want them to." Her eyes held a far off look. "You can't put a price on love. You just can't. But you do what you have to do for the ones you love, no matter what the cost, because saving them, helping them, it's worth the other shit in the end, don't you think?"

I reached for her hand this time, wrapping my fingers around hers the moment I heard the sniffles. "I somehow get the feeling this isn't only about me."

She shrugged, wiping her eyes as she gave me a small smile. "Life's not always fair. I guess I've learned that the hard way… just like you. But we don't have to let it beat us down, right? We're going to go to this party, have fun and forget everything else."

"Yeah, that's what we're going to do." I couldn't help but smile at her determination. "Hey, Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"Quite a few people back home knew about my surgery, but I didn't have many friends or anything, so I… No one knows about me here, and I-"

"I won't say anything to anyone," she assured me.

"Umm… thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "Alright, Bella-ella, I need to use the restroom, then we'll get you ready."

"It's just across the hall," I told her.

She actually skipped out of my room, giggling. Alice was a unique soul - there was no doubt about that. I watched after her, laughing, then turned back around after she closed the door and grabbed the shirt she'd brought me. It definitely came up high enough, but it seemed more form fitting than I normally wore. I could try it on, and if I didn't like the way it looked, if I wasn't comfortable enough, then I'd just put something else on. I could at least give it a try for her.

I glanced back at my bedroom door, then lifted my sweatshirt and turtleneck over my head, tossing them on my bed. I figured I had enough time to change since she was in the bathroom.

I pushed my arms into the sleeves, thinking it would be easier to get it on that way, and yanked the material up my arms, because apparently it was _very_ form fitting. It was kinda like yoga pants material or something.

I was just pulling the neck of the shirt over my head when I heard the door and Alice's melodic voice. "I love the color scheme in-"

On instinct, I turned around as I finished setting the shirt around my neck. Her eyes instantly went to my scar and I wanted to cry. I practically tore the shirt down the upper half of my body and turned around, feeling the tears build and fall, rolling down my heated cheeks.

"Bella, I didn't know you'd be-"

"Please, don't," I pleaded in a whisper. "I just can't."

I didn't want to hear what she had to say. It was my fault, anyway. I was stupid.

She came up behind me, and out of nowhere, tiny arms wrapped around me, hugging me. "I know you didn't want me to see it, but even though I did, it still doesn't change what I said earlier. And you know what?" she said softly. "I think you see more there than there actually is. You aren't disfigured, you know. Plus, I really think your scar has character."

"What?" I laughed at the absurdity, causing salty tears to enter my mouth.

She squeezed me tighter. "I'm serious, Bella. You think it looks hideous, and I'm telling you it doesn't."

I shook my head. "You don't have to say that to make me feel better."

She pulled me down on the bed beside her, holding my hands as we sat face to face. "I'm not. I wouldn't tell you something like that to make you feel better, Bella. I'm telling you that because it's true. It's not this big, gross mark on your body that makes you look like some horrible beast monster or something. Your mind makes you feel that way, but it's not."

"It's not exactly small, Alice."

"No, it's not real small, but it's not, like, huge and grotesque either. And it's certainly not going to matter to those who love you. It shouldn't matter to anyone. I know how cruel people can be, but who cares what they think, anyway."

"I just… I hate what this-"

"Enough with the buzzkill talk." She started bouncing where she sat, but still held onto my hands. "We've got a party to get ready for, and you, Bella-ella, will look as beautiful as ever, okay?"

"How do you make it so easy to tell you things I can't tell anyone else?" I grabbed a tissue off my nightstand and wiped my nose. "I've just never been like this with anyone."

"I guess the same way you do it," she chuckled. "Now, let's pretty you up, get some dinner at the diner and go to that party."

So I sat there, I'm not even sure how long, and let Alice 'pretty' me up.

-OO-OO-

We'd been at Emmett's about an hour, making our way through the party, chatting with people, when Alice finally, begrudgingly on my part, talked me into dancing.

"Oh, my God," Alice squealed. "I love this song."

She loved the song and was not taking 'no' for an answer.

_Walk you to the counter_

_what you got to offer_

_pick you out a soda_

_look at you forever_

_walk you to the water_

_eyes like a casino_

_you ain't born typical_

I was sort of swaying, trying to keep myself from falling over. Alice was all over the place, laughing, just having a good time. Seeing her like that, it made me laugh along with her.

"Come on, Bella. Shake what your mama gave ya," she yelled over the music.

"Not if you want me to break something of mine or someone else's," I yelled back.

She laughed, but continued dancing, and I put just a little more effort into it, knowing I probably looked like a complete idiot, but I was admittedly having fun.

It was in the middle of the song when warmth cascaded over me, and I felt like someone was watching me, causing the skin on my back to pebble with goosebumps; I actually shivered.

A hand touched the small of my back, but something about the touch was off. I didn't like it. I turned around to see who it was, finding Edward there. My eyes were drawn to him, but he wasn't the one touching me.

_dancing on the legs of a new born pony_

_left right left right, keep it up son_

_go ahead and have her, go ahead and leave her_

_you only ever had her when you were a fever_

_i am a fever, i am a fever_

_i ain't born typical_

_i am a fever, i am a fever_

_i ain't born typical_

_we are a fever, we are a fever_

_we ain't born typical_

_we are a fever, we are a fever_

_we ain't born typical_

There was something almost animalistic within his eyes, and the intensity left my heart pounding, my breathing staccato. I swear it felt like he was claiming me as his with that look. It made no sense to me, he didn't even like me, but even still, it excited and terrified me.

I had to look away, had to make him see that he didn't have any kind of power over me at all. I glanced right at the guy whose hand was now situated on my hip and smiled at him. He smiled back, all dimples and dark hair.

Even over the blare of music, I could hear Edward growl, feel the impact of it within me. It actually sounded primal and pissed off. He stormed off, angry, which seemed to be a usual for him.

_What the hell?_

"Forget that guy," Dimples said. "How about you and I dance?"

I should have let it go, because Edward and I squaring off never ended well, but the oxygen to my brain was once again cut off, and I decided to follow him to find out what his problem was.

"I'm sorry," I told the guy. I moved through the crowd, forgetting I left Alice behind.

When I stepped out into the backyard, Edward was pacing the damp grass, making weird growling noises while holding a bottle of some kind of liquor within one of his hands.

The fact that I found the way he was acting sexy pissed me off. What did he have to be angry about? Nothing. I hadn't done anything to him. And, honestly, I was tired of feeling like I was hitting a brick wall where he was concerned.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Leave it alone." Was he threatening me? Oh, hell no.

I followed behind him as he walked further into the yard toward some trees. "No, Edward, I won't leave it alone. What the hell was that back there, huh? You treat me like shit for no reason, and you do it every chance you get, but I-"

"Let it go, Bella."

His tone sounded almost ominous, but I didn't quit. I didn't like being dictated to, especially by him.

"No," I spat. "Not until you tell me what your problem is with me. I didn't do a damn thing to you, Edward. I purposely avoided you all day. You obviously hate me for whatever reason, so I stayed away from you. I didn't want to come here tonight, but Alice begged me, so I came. You show up out of nowhere, and the second some guy asks me to dance, you shoot daggers at me and storm off. You hate me that much that some guy-"

He stalked toward me, making me swallow the words I was speaking before I even finished them. My back hit against hard bark, but I barely had time to realize I backed into a tree before his body was pressed against mine, trapping me.

He was furious, so furious, as he made it clear that "the guy" should not have been touching me. And again, while dealing with him, I averted to stupid and provoked him by telling him the guy could touch me if he wanted.

If I thought he was furious before that point, I was mistaken. The fury amplified, making his eyes a burning flame behind green irises. "Is this a game to you? Do you… Are you fucking enjoying this shit, Bella? What are you trying to do to me? This is messing with my head, but you won't… You're always… _Fuck_!"

I was trying to understand what he was asking, but I didn't comprehend the meaning behind his questions. I didn't get what he wanted from me, or why he was so angry at me either. I felt like I was being hit with so much at once, and combining that with my own feelings, it left me in a whirlwind of anxiety.

My body was trembling against his, but I couldn't stop it from happening. The way he was looking at me, everything that led up to this point, it was wreaking havoc on my body, and I inadvertently whimpered. I couldn't help the sound from coming out, but the sound was swallowed up by his mouth.

My body went rigid as my brain processed the fact that Edward was kissing me, pretty roughly too. But when his tongue entered my mouth, any fight I may have had against his kiss disappeared. I moaned and wrapped my fingers into his hair, helping pull him closer as his body pressed further against mine.

Edward's mouth and body made the possibility of brain function nearly non-existent. I mean, I wasn't really experienced beyond a few kisses, but it was obvious by the way his mouth worked over mine and the way he was rubbing himself on me that he was. So, like I said, brain function was not easy to grasp, but oh God, could I function mentally enough to realize how hard he was against my stomach.

He suddenly pulled away and took off toward his car. He sped away, leaving me there against that tree, trying to catch my breath and wondering what the hell just happened.

When I was finally coherent enough for my brain to fire a thought, I blinked, my eyes immediately landing on the bottle of alcohol he'd been holding onto.

"Oh, God," I breathed. "How could I let him go and… He was drinking."

I braced myself against the tree and pushed off, hurrying back inside to find Alice. As soon as I found her, I sort of gave her a quick rundown of what happened as I pulled her out the door.

She was putting on her coat as we rushed to my truck. "So let me make sure I have this right. After he got mad at you for whatever reason Edward gets mad, you followed him out here, he kissed you, then left in his car even though he'd been drinking?"

"Yes," I answered as I slammed my truck door and put on my seat belt. "How could he be so stupid? Is he trying to kill himself?"

"No, he wouldn't do that. I know that much. But as far as what he's thinking, one can never tell with Edward."

"I just hope he was going right home and he made it okay."

I had to maneuver my truck around other vehicles before I was able to pull out onto the street, but the moment I did, I drove as quickly as I could toward Alice's.

I drove down the long path of her driveway, hoping his vehicle was there. But when I rounded the corner, not seeing it, my heart plummeted. Where was he?

"He's not here," I choked out.

Alice grabbed her bag, and opened the passenger door as soon as I stopped. "I need to go tell my Dad. He'll want to go look for him."

"I'll start searching, but I'll text you if I find him."

"I'll do the same," she promised.

As soon as she entered the house, I started backing up, but slammed on the break the moment Edward's car came barreling around me. I put my truck in gear and opened the door, getting out the same time he did. "Edward, where… Why did you take off like that?"

He slammed his door, never once looking at me as he headed for the house. I called out to him, getting nothing in return.

I sighed heavily, running my fingers down my face in agitation. I climbed back inside my truck, taking out some of my frustration as I slammed the door shut. I reached for my cell, sending Alice a quick text before I headed home.

_He's okay, and he's on his way inside. I'm going home._

-OO-OO-

It had been nearly a week since the party, and every day I was blessed with nothing more than Edward's silence. He wouldn't look at me, refused to speak to me, even when he was technically required to for school or work. I tried to be the bigger person and discuss what happened, but I got nothing more than a sneer in response.

I probably should have been thankful, I guess, but I wasn't. Honestly, it was really aggravating. _He_ was aggravating.

All these feelings he opened up within me and the way he was treating me now, it was so tiring. I couldn't say that I actually felt this drained before and right after my transplant. I even went so far as to ask Alice how he was acting at home, and she told me he wasn't any better there. I couldn't help but feel responsible for that, and I didn't even know why I was responsible.

It was obvious he wasn't going to talk to me, so I gave up, other than initiating talk when I had to. Nothing I said or did got any kind of reaction out of him, so I gave up completely. What was the point?

_God, he was infuriating. _

It wasn't until Wednesday during lunch that I noticed a hint of a reaction out of him. Tyler asked me to a movie on Friday night, and I was going to say no because I already had plans with Alice staying over at my house, but she chimed in with the idea of double dating with her and Jasper. I could actually feel Edward's eyes boring into me while Tyler waited for me to answer. The way he was staring at me, it was making me really uncomfortable, like if I said yes, I'd be cheating on him or something. It was ridiculous because we weren't together or anything – he wouldn't even talk to me. I could do what I wanted to.

I wasn't interested in Tyler that way, but to prove that I could do what I wanted, I nodded, telling Tyler I'd love to go. Edward pushed himself out of his seat and stormed off. I was really getting used to seeing the back of his head as he scurried away these days.

"What's his deal?" Mike asked.

"Who the hell knows?" Rose answered. "Does he need a reason to be-"

"He probably needs some pussy," Emmett cut in.

A vision of him and strawberry blonde attacked my mind, and I felt myself cringe just thinking about them together. Why did he make me feel like this? What was it that made me hang on even though he was so mean? Stupid boy who's always an ass but makes me swoon anyway… and stupid heart making me feel things that I don't want to feel for him. God, why couldn't I find a guy who was less Emo and less a jerk? I thought my heart was the part of me that was damaged, not my brain, but I was seriously reconsidering that as a possibility.

I swallowed back the anxiety and spent the remainder of lunch setting up plans with Tyler, Alice and Jasper.

Through the majority of Biology I was wrapped in discomfort while biting my lip to hold it back. He still refused to look at me, but every little thing he touched managed to connect with the lab table in a slam. I was surprised there was anything left of his side.

Work was a little easier, because he was scheduled off Wednesday and Thursday, so I had a break from his presence, but not from thoughts of him. My brain and I were going to have a serious discussion about taming Edward thoughts later on.

School on Thursday and Friday went in the same fashion as Wednesday, only he wasn't around for lunch.

Working all week also kept the questions my parents would ask about my mood at bay. Because I was busy working, I didn't see Charlie, and Renee spent a good deal of time in the office taking care of whatever she had to in order to run the place.

By last period Friday, I was so ready for a break from the emotional hurricane inspired by Edward Cullen. I was actually looking forward to my double date.

Alice rode home with me with the intention of getting ready at my place. It made sense because she was spending the night. Unfortunately, when we got to my house, we found Charlie all laid up on the couch, sick with the flu.

"I never get sick." He covered his mouth as he coughed. "Alma's in the building all of five minutes, barely enough time to spread her germs in the air, and now I'm here with the flu."

"Sometimes five minutes is all it takes." Renee laughed as she sprayed Lysol in the air.

"Well, I don't care," Charlie grumbled. "I hate being sick, and being sick isn't good for Bella."

Thank God my parents knew that Alice was aware of my surgery, or I may have been mortified at what she thought. But now that she knew, Renee's obsession with Lysol and bleaching the house made sense to her.

"I guess that changes our plans," Alice said.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Well," she started, a smile creeping up her lips. "It doesn't have to. I mean, we could still go out, and instead of staying here, you could spend the night at my place."

Was she serious? That was, like, the worst idea in the history of ideas. "I don't think so," I protested. "I can't stay at-"

"Sure you can," Renee declared. "You don't need to be around your father while he's sick."

I know I must have been looking at her like she was insane, because clearly she was by agreeing with Alice's crazy idea, but it occurred to me during my assessment of her sanity that she had no idea what had been happening between Edward and me. She knew Edward was Alice's brother, and that was it.

I still attempted to protest, though, but she cut me off. "First, if I can keep you away from someone who's sick, I'm going to do that. It's not good for you, and going to Alice's will help with that. This is about your health, Bella, and if it can be helped, I'll do what I need to. Second, you always stay home. It's school, work and home. Just because your father and I suggested you working at the store to help teach you financial responsibility, didn't mean we also don't want you to be a teenager and do teenage things. "

"But I really don't think it's-"

Renee put her hands on her hips, sighing. "Bella, quit being difficult and go have fun. I can manage your father while you're out with friends." She turned her attention to Alice. "Would it be a problem if Bella spent the weekend at your house?"

"What? No, Mom!"

_Oh, my God. What plain of existence was I on right now?_

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Alice told her.

"Alright, well, I'd like to speak with your mother to make sure."

"Okay. I'll have her call you when we get to my house," Alice promised.

Renee nodded.

"She'll have fun, Mrs. S," Alice said as she pulled me toward the stairs to go up to my room.

"Just, you know, don't do anything you aren't supposed to… at the movies or elsewhere," Renee called after us.

As soon as we entered my room, I turned around, facing Alice, huffing in anger. "I could hurt you right now, Alice Cullen. Do you have any idea how bad of an idea this is? This night was supposed to be about getting away from your brother, the train wreck, not running head on into that collision. That's exactly what I'm doing if I stay at your house."

She giggled. I stood by my closet, crossing my arms at my chest, pouting. This was so not funny. "Bella, he's working. He had to work at four tonight. He won't even be around, and by the time he is, we'll be locked upstairs in my room. He sleeps in late, so we can leave early Saturday if you want and find something to do. Piece of cake."

I huffed one more time, glaring in her direction, then proceeded to gather my clothing for two - cue sarcasm here - fun-filled days at Alice's. I also knew that to stay those two days, Esme would have to be told about my surgery. I wasn't thrilled about that either.

After I got everything I'd need, Renee saw us out. I promised to at least text her before I went to bed, then headed to Alice's.

I was hoping Esme would say no to my staying, but that was a lost cause the moment we entered the door and Alice proceeded to tell her why I needed to stay those two days. Esme agreed to call Renee while Alice and I got ready in her room.

I ended up wearing a shirt similar to the one Alice leant me the night of Emmett's birthday party and a pair of faded jeans. Alice fixed up my hair and make-up. By the time we finished getting ready, the guys had just arrived.

Tyler gestured with his hands, smiling. "Wow, Bella… You look great."

"Thanks," I smiled back, blushing.

Jasper gave Alice a quick kiss of appreciation, causing her to giggle, then asked, "Everyone ready to go?"

Alice nodded, taking Jasper's hand. Tyler and I let them lead since we were all riding in Jasper's car. He walked me to the passenger side, keeping his hand on the small of my back. It felt off, wrong even, but I kept quiet and let him open my door for me and help me inside.

We ended up dining at Smuggler's Landing Restaurant in Port Angeles, which was mostly filled with Jasper/Alice making out and awkward conversation between Tyler and me, before heading to the movie theater.

"What do you wanna see?" Tyler whispered in my ear while we stood in line for our tickets.

I turned my head, practically coming nose to nose with him. "Oh, I don't really have a-"

"Oh, my God," Alice squealed, cutting me off. Tyler and I both turned to see what she was going on about. "_Love Spelled Backwards is Love_ is playing. We have got to see that."

Of course, what Alice wanted Alice got.

"I guess that's what we're seeing," I laughed.

Alice and I ended up finding seats while the guys went for refreshments.

"You having fun?" she asked as we took seats toward the back of the theater.

"Yeah, sure."

She angled toward me, wearing a doubtful expression. "Why do I think you're fibbing?"

I laughed. "Fibbing? I'm not fibbing. Tyler's a nice guy."

"Yeah," she agreed. "He's a nice guy, but you're still not into him."

"I… well, I…" I was stammering my words. "That's not true. He's a nice guy."

"You already said that," she chuckled. She glanced over my shoulder, signaling with her hands before I had a chance to respond. "They're coming."

She sat back in her seat, and I faced Tyler, taking my soda when he handed it to me. "I didn't know what you'd want, so I just bought some popcorn, but if you want-"

"No, popcorn's great," I replied.

I sat there for nearly two hours, watching a mushy movie that was horribly scripted with a nice guy that was very cute, made sure I didn't run out of popcorn, smiled at me when I caught him looking at me and was a complete gentleman the entire time. The problem was, even after all that, the chemistry between us still wasn't there.

As soon as we made it back to Alice's, he opened my door for me, offering me a hand out of the car. "Well, I had a good time, Bella. We should do this again."

He leaned forward, obviously to kiss me, and though he was a nice guy, kissing him didn't feel right. I immediately reached for his hand, stopping him mid lean, and shook it like a crazy person. It was the only thing I could think to stop him from kissing me, other than turning my head and having him kiss my cheek. I'm sure that would have embarrassed him, so rather than having that happen, I chose to embarrass myself.

"Yeah, it was great, Tyler. Thanks for dinner and the movie." I continued shaking his hand.

He glanced down at our moving hands, shaking his head as his forehead creased, then looked back up at my face, baffled at the way I was acting. "Uh… Yeah, you're welcome."

"Okay, well, goodnight." I dropped his hand and turned on my heels, walking toward the door.

"Did you seriously just shake his hand and leave him standing there?" Alice asked behind me.

I turned around and faced her when I made it to the door, holding up my hands to stop her from saying anything further, making a disgusted face. "Please don't ask. I just… I just wanna go to bed and try to sleep off the fact that I'm an idiot."

She smiled broadly, but didn't say anything more as she opened the door.

I was pretty exhausted by the time I changed into my sweatshirt and pajama shorts, took my pill, text Renee, brushed my teeth and settled into Alice's guest bed, pulling the blankets up to my neck and closing my eyes.

"Do you normally sleep with a sweatshirt and shorts?" Alice asked.

"Not usually. I normally sleep in a tank-shirt and shorts because I seem to overheat while I'm sleeping, but I didn't wanna do that-"

"I understand. You wanna watch a movie before we go to bed?"

"I think I'm all movied out tonight, Alice." I hid my sarcasm with a yawn.

"Okay. Well, goodnight, Bella." I could hear the disappointment in her voice, but I was too tired to try to appease her.

I yawned again. "Goodnight, Alice."

-OO-OO-

I sat up, gasping for air while my eyes tried to focus my surroundings in the dark. It took me a moment to remember where I was, especially when I heard soft snoring to the right of me that I didn't recognize. It was only after I realized that I was at Alice's that I was able to start relaxing. Having a nightmare about killer, ankle-biting Oompa-Loompas stalking you in a warehouse of horrors is never ideal, but even more so when you aren't in your own bed. _Creepy, little orange dudes_.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and threw the blanket off my body, chuckling under my breath as I glanced at the alarm clock, seeing it was just after one in the morning. Seriously, who dreams about killer Oompa-Loompas?

I got up, heading into Alice's bathroom. My mouth felt dry, but there wasn't a cup in there, so I finished up, washed my hands and tried waking Alice to see if she'd go downstairs with me. I said her name a few times, my voice rising a little louder each time, but she continued snoring away.

_Jesus, Bella, you can handle getting your own water. It's not like little orange guys are going to jump out from underneath the counter and bite your ankles to death._

I laughed again, but covered my mouth to conceal the sound when I opened Alice's bedroom door and stepped into the hallway.

It was dimly lit throughout the house, so I proceeded down the hall and stairs with caution, because even in dim light I would manage to break something. I stubbed my toe when I made it to the bottom step, and I had to, with great effort, bite back a groan and outpour of cursing. I practically hobbled into the kitchen toward the refrigerator. Of course, if there were killer Oompa-Loompas loose, my poor ankles would be in trouble now that I was wounded.

I wanted to smack my forehead at the thought because the stupidity my brain seemed to dive into lately was seriously making me delusional.

I quickly grabbed a bottle of water and hobbled back toward the stairs, moving up them leisurely to save myself from any further injury. I was just rounding the corner from the top step when I ran smack dab into another body.

I went to scream on instinct, but a hand clamped over my mouth. I scrunched my eyes together, then opened them, blinking rapidly as the face the hand belonged to came into focus. He leaned in so that I could no longer see his face, his warm breath caressing the shell of my ear as he spoke. "Shhh… You wouldn't want to wake the others and shit, would you?"

Edward stepped back, but was still standing so close I could feel the heat of his body. I stared up at him, feeling my heart thunder in my chest from the adrenaline running through my system. The moment I shook my head, he dropped his hand from my mouth.

"What are you doing out here, Bella?" His tone was flat. "You shouldn't be out here… Not right now."

"Water," I blurted out. "I… uh… needed water."

I pushed myself further against the wall, hoping to move around him somehow, but all it earned me was a smirk from him.

"Alice's room," I practically whimpered. "I'm… going there."

I wanted to move, but my legs felt cemented down. What was wrong with me?

He took a step closer, his eyes searing mine with his vigorous stare. "Did you have fun on your _date_?" He practically spat out the word 'date'.

I bit my lip as I swallowed loudly, causing his eyes to lower to my mouth. "Yes."

"Is that so?" The intense way he was looking and speaking was too much. It was like he was a different person.

"Yes," I breathed.

Oh God, he was too close now. I was feeling his touch and his words everywhere.

"Did he kiss you, Bella?"

"What?" I squeaked.

"It's a simple yes or no answer." Was he really asking me about Tyler kissing me?

I was trying to put up that last bit of fight, but my words still came out weak. "It's really none of your-"

"Business?" he finished. "Oh, but it is." His body was flush against mine now. "You shouldn't be out here, Bella. Not when you're in my head, and I'm trying to…" he paused, grinding his teeth together. "Oh, fuck it."

His arms wrapped around my waist the exact moment his mouth was on mine. "Don't let me," he pleaded against my lips.

It was already too late. I had no fight left in me.


	8. Chapter 8: Face the Music

Okay, I'm still technically on vacation, but I thought I'd go ahead and post this chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophz456, and to my prereaders, Bbebar and shackle_me. Major love to my readers. I couldn't do this without you.

Also, I've started a blog with a few remarkable ladies (Bbebar, Sophz456, tg10781, shackle_me and hayboo05) that is intended to rec fics, etc. Here's the link if you're curious.

Reccingball(dot)blogspot(dot)com

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 8: Face the Music**

**Snuff**

_Deliver me into my fate_

_If I'm alone I cannot hate_

_I don't deserve to have you_

_Ooh, my smile was taken long ago_

_If I can change I hope I never know_

**Edward**

I sat there at that fucking lunch table, doing my best to ignore the fact that Bella was sitting across from me. I'd been doing well in outward appearances for the last week, but the shit I was feeling on the inside, the shit she made me feel, was breaking me down… piece by piece. I considered that I was probably losing my damn mind.

She was always inside my head. It didn't matter whether she was near me, or if I was lying in my bed with a bottle of Patron to help numb her away. She was haunting me and torturing me, making this fucking craving to make her mine so intense I was completely unraveling from the inside out. The feeling only became worse the more I tried to write her off. I was learning I couldn't escape her anymore than I could escape the fucked up shit that I relived in my nightmares.

Every little move she made across from me sent a wave of her goddamn scent in my direction. I even sniffed the air like a fucking scent stalker, but tried to make that shit look casual, like I was just inhaling through my nose instead of my mouth. Needless to say, I spent most of lunch with my dick hard.

I told myself not to look and the more I said it, the more I wanted to look at her. One quick look wouldn't matter. Yeah, that's what I told myself, but the second I glanced up all nonchalant and shit, her tongue slipped out of her mouth, gliding along her bottom lip to clean off some sauce. I choked on the fucking water I'd been drinking while digging my other hand into my thigh to keep my already tedious control in check enough so I didn't go flying across the table and fuck her right where she sat. At this point, I would not have minded that scenario. Onlookers be damned.

I forced my eyes down at the table while I got myself grounded. I started relaxing, other than my aching dick, but I was getting myself together… until Tyler opened his fucking mouth.

"So, Bella, I heard you mention that you didn't have to work on Friday, so I was wondering if you'd maybe want to go see a movie with me?"

My eyes shot up, landing right on Bella's face. I was instantly enraged. I wanted to break Tyler's fucking jaw. I didn't give a shit if it was irrational or not, because she wasn't my girl, but he still shouldn't be asking her out. She wasn't his. She'd _never_ be his.

I watched her, the blush on her cheeks spreading down the visible part of her neck as she stared back at him. Her breathing increased, she bit her lip and flushed deeper. It was like she sensed me staring at her. She fucking knew I was looking, I knew she did, even if she wasn't staring back at me.

_Don't fucking do it, Bella! Don't you say yes to him!_

I really thought she was going to say no, because I willed her to tell Tyler to fuck off, until Alice opened her goddamn mouth about double dating with her and Jasper. My eyes drifted from Bella to Alice, and I was pretty much incinerating her with my eyes.

"Uh… yeah, that sounds great."

The moment she said yes, I shoved back in my chair, practically knocking it over as I left that fucking lunchroom. There was no way that sitting there in that chair any longer was a possibility, not after she told Tyler yes. I couldn't look at him without wanting to cause him serious pain. I wanted to hurt that motherfucker. I wasn't even sure how I managed to get up and leave at all.

The rage I felt, irrational or not, it made me feel almost homicidal as I shoved my way through that fucking lunchroom and out the doors to my car. I hadn't felt this level of fury since my mom died.

It was Bella who made me feel this shit. She was never supposed to belong to him. She was only supposed to be long to m-

She wasn't going to be his.

-OO-OO-OO-

I was still enraged during class. I couldn't look at Bella, not when all I wanted to do right then was claim her in front of every motherfucker in this school so they'd know not to even point their eyes in her general direction. I couldn't look at her because that's exactly what I would have done if my eyes met hers.

This carnal shit she had me feeling all the time, it was making me goddamn insane. I even had the urge to piss all over her locker, marking my territory. How fucked was that?

She sat next to me, those constant sighs and hums that came out of her mouth and the strawberry smell of her going straight to my dick. Even as angry as I was about her date with Tyler, it was a wonder I was able to function enough to open my book and appear as if I actually intended to fucking pay attention in class.

By the end of school, I was nothing more than a mass of fury that wrapped around every muscle and bone in my body. It wanted to punch its way out of my skin and launch itself at Tyler Crowley, especially when I saw him standing next to Bella's locker like he meant to fucking walk her out to her truck. Going over to her locker while both were standing there, whipping out my dick and marking my territory was looking better by the minute. If I pissed all over her locker, or fucked her right against it with him watching, maybe they'd both get a clue about what was mine.

It was this kind of irrational shit she made me think and feel that made me certain I was losing my mind. I wanted her out of me, because the more she shoved her way inside me, the less of me was left. Pretty soon, it would only be her.

I couldn't fucking let that happen, but I had no idea how to stop it.

Instead, I drove home long enough to eat and change, then took off to nowhere in particular. I mostly drove around, cranking the music loud enough to drown out thoughts I didn't want to be having. I stayed out until it was near time for everyone to be going to bed, then came home to a bottle of Patron to numb away the fucking shit inside my head.

The dreams of Bella interweaved a lot with the ones about my mom. The problem was, drinking myself to passing out meant I couldn't wake up from the nightmares when the shit got crazy – I had to man up and deal with them.

Thursday, I didn't talk to anyone. Not even Emmett and Jasper. My mood was becoming fouler the closer it came to Friday. Lunch was spent in my car… with some Patron.

I ignored Bella through biology, or so she thought. I didn't look at her, but I sure as hell smelled and heard her. Hell had a special place for people like me, and it consisted of brown eyes, the perfect fucking body, strawberry smelling skin and the name of Isabella Swan.

Friday, I was a motherfucking nightmare on legs. No one, and I mean no one, talked to me or even attempted to look at me. The warning to steer clear was practically oozing out of my pores and surrounding me like a giant billboard sign above my head.

Lunch, of course, was spent in my car, but this time getting high.

Even high, I couldn't unwind enough to enjoy it. I'm pretty sure Bella didn't breathe beside me in Biology. I was that aware of her. I was _always_ that aware of her. I was also aware that the urge to make her mine rivaled the need to breathe in air. It burned my insides not giving in to the shit I was feeling for her, but the pain of staying away couldn't match the pain of losing her if I allowed myself to care.

I headed straight to work from school. Tanya was waiting for me, just like she always was, but I walked past her into the backroom. I wasn't in the mood to deal with her shit. She tried to proposition me, of course she would, but again, I wasn't in the fucking mood.

She got pissed, flicking her hair to one side as she stomped off like I owed her my attention. It all came down to the fact that I didn't let her all up on my dick. She wasn't the one my dick wanted.

My anger stewed the entire night, blackening the air around me to the point it was like inhaling thick, chalky smoke that angrily coated my lungs. All I could think about was _her_. Bella. Was she having fun with Tyler right now? And if she was, did that mean they'd start seeing each other? The thought of her and Tyler on their date, becoming a couple, fueled the already burning flame of anger inside me.

I finished working in a haze of anger, not giving a shit whether I did anything half-assed. By the time I clocked out, I was so wound up that I knew I couldn't just go home and lay in bed.

I drove around for awhile but finally gave into going home. Bella's truck was in the driveway, which meant she was there. As if I needed this shit right now with the way I was feeling.

I headed straight to my room and changed into a pair of sweat pants, then collapsed on my bed, reaching for the Patron beside my bed. I was getting low, so I'd have to pay Aro to get me some more in the morning. In the meantime, I didn't want to feel a damn thing.

I was laying in bed for some time, trying to drink myself into unconsciousness when I heard Alice's door creak open, followed by footsteps down the hall.

I could hear Bella outside my room, walking down the stairs. I knew it was her by the clumsy steps she took.

I wouldn't have needed to be told she was here even if I hadn't seen her truck in the driveway. I knew her fucking scent anywhere, and I was hard the second I smelled it.

I lay there, repetitively flexing the fingers of my free hand, wrapping my feet tighter in my sheet to keep from doing what I wanted so fucking desperately to do. I hadn't been able to sleep, knowing she was basically on the other side of that wall. I had at one point lifted my hand, palming the wall to see if I could somehow feel her.

The fact that she was here increased the need to know what the hell happened between her and Tyler on their date to something more intense than it had been. I wanted to know so damn bad, and now she was outside the room… alone. I knew there was no one up but me and her.

I wanted so many fucking things right then, and they all centered around Bella. She was the driving force behind me unwrapping myself from the sheet and the bottle of Patron in my left hand.

I stood up, setting the almost empty bottle on my nightstand, and walked toward my bedroom door as if I were being pulled by gravity toward her. I stepped quietly out of my room, closing the door slowly so it made no noise when I shut it. I started for the stairs, and just as I made it to the top step, Bella came around the corner, colliding right into me. The timing was perfect.

I could tell she was going to scream out of fear – she wasn't as acutely aware of me as I was her – but I clamped my hand over her mouth to hold back the sound. Her eyes blinked in the dark, like she was trying to adjust to the extremely dim lighting. I think she realized before her vision cleared that it was me in front of her, though.

She hadn't intended for us to run into each other, that much was clear, but I had come to seek her out despite warring myself over it. It was going to happen whether she planned it or not.

I could feel her warm breath on my hand and feel the heat radiating from her body to mine while the smell of her scent became heady because we were body to body. I closed my eyes, biting back a fucking groan. I was able to swallow it back, but I wasn't able to stop myself from becoming painfully hard behind my sweat pants.

I leaned forward, inhaling against her hair as I whispered in her ear. "Shhh… You wouldn't want to wake the others and shit, would you?"

She blinked again, but shook her head. I dropped my hand from her mouth while my eyes wandered over her body. Those fucking shorts she had on gripped her body while showing off those amazing legs of hers. My dick was so hard it ached.

"What are you doing out here, Bella?" I wanted her to the point my body thrummed with intense need, and that was not good on her part. "You shouldn't be out here… Not right now."

"Water." She was so fucking nervous. It was like she sensed the predator in me. It was true, though. I'd become so damn ravenous for her. "I… uh… needed water."

She tried to step away from me, shoving herself further against the wall behind her so she could get around me. It didn't work, not that I would have let her go by me now, anyway. But I smirked at her effort. It was too late for that shit now. I wanted her, and she was standing right there.

"Alice's room," she whimpered. "I'm… going there."

I stepped toward her, staring directly into her eyes, practically seeing into her soul. "Did you have fun on your _date_?" That word was like acid in my mouth.

"Yes."

That one-worded response was enough to spark the fury and the unending need to fucking bury myself inside her so she'd understand she belonged to no one but me. "Is that so?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Did he kiss you, Bella?"

I was teetering on that edge again, so fucking close to losing my shit. If she said yes, I knew I'd leave in the clothes I now wore, despite the fact it was early in the morning, and go find Tyler so I could break his goddamn face.

She acted shocked I asked, so I told her it was a simple yes or no question – we were beyond the shocked shit now. She tried telling me it was none of my business, to which I made it perfectly fucking clear it was. Whether she liked or not, whether she realized it or not, _she_ was my business.

I pressed myself against her, feeling her soft curves against my hard body. I had never wanted to push my way inside someone more than I did right then. God, I wanted her. "You shouldn't be out here, Bella. Not when you're in my head, and I'm trying to…" I paused, grinding my teeth together to hopefully gain some control while trying to fight against everything she was doing to me, but again, it was too late. In that moment of time, she fucking owned me. "Oh, fuck it."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her body tight against mine. I crashed my lips to hers. "Don't let me," I pleaded. It was as much for her as it was for myself, because I knew if my tongue entered her mouth, if I tasted her right then, the window for halting this shit was over.

She didn't fight me, didn't even try to stop my mouth from claiming hers. I didn't know if I wanted to thank her, or fucking yell at her for not having more a need for preservation of life.

"Stop me, Bella," I demanded in a low voice.

_God, if you don't stop me right now, Bella, I won't be able to stop._

"No," she whispered back. She was so fucking defiant, and the fact that she defied me made my dick practically weep in satisfaction.

I groaned loudly, pushing my tongue inside her mouth. Fuck, she tasted so good.

It was over. That window closed. I was going to make her mine.

I reached down, gripping the underside of her thighs and hoisted her up, wrapping her legs around my waist. I pressed myself hard against her, pinning her body between mine and the wall, causing the head of my dick to brush against her pussy and her to moan into my mouth.

It was the sexiest fucking sound I'd ever heard. I wanted to keep manipulating her body in whatever way would cause that sound to come out of her mouth… over and over.

I thrust my hips upward as I slid my left hand up the side of her shorts and gripped my fingers around her ass, hitting that same spot that made her moan seconds before. I was rewarded with the same sound, a bit louder this time, while her tiny hands fisted into my hair, gripping almost painfully.

I wanted to tear those shorts off her body, yank my sweats down and plunge my way inside that tight warmth between her legs. It felt so damn good, the friction against my dick with our clothes on, but I wanted the barrier gone. I was going motherfucking insane for her.

She pulled her head back, gasping for air at the exact moment I thrust my hips against her again.

"Oh, God," she whimpered as she closed her eyes, her head hitting against the wall and making a thudding sound that echoed through the hallway. She was as far gone as I was.

I smirked up at her as I squeezed her right ass cheek. "Feels so fucking good, doesn't it? I can make it feel better than that. You want me to make it feel better, Bella?"

She opened her eyes, gazing down at me under hooded lids. "I… uh…" She paused, like she was trying to decide if she should let me, so I ground my dick into her again to help her decide. She closed her eyes and breathed, "Yes."

I brushed the hair off her shoulder and pushed the collar of her sweatshirt down a little, skimming my fingers along the delicate skin of her neck, then leaned forward, trailing my tongue along the same path my fingers had taken. Her whole body shivered in my arms. I grazed my teeth along her ear lobe before whispering, "I'm gonna make you feel good all over, Bella."

I shifted her in my grip so I could hold her better to me when I turned around. She wrapped her legs tighter around my waist, caging my dick closer to the warmth I wanted to be inside so badly. I groaned as I started for my room. Fuck, I couldn't wait to get inside that pussy.

I turned the handle and was just about to make my way inside the room with Bella when I heard Alice's door open.

"Bella?"

"Fuck," I hissed under my breath.

Bella's legs dropped from around my waist, and her body started sliding down mine. She briefly buried her face against my chest, like she was trying to crawl inside me and hide, then whispered, "I have to go. You need to let me go."

I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to take her to my bed, but fucking Alice ruined any chance of that.

"Go," I ground out.

She moved around me, telling Alice that she'd gone downstairs to get some water. It was possible Alice had seen us, but I really didn't care, and I didn't hear her say anything about it. I waited until Alice's door closed before I went inside my room, fighting the urge to slam everything around.

I was harder than I'd ever been, and the possibility of going to sleep like that was not going to fucking happen. I tried to think of shit that would turn me off, but nothing worked. I could smell Bella all over me, still taste her in my mouth, and even feel her soft body against mine.

I ended up whacking off twice before I was remotely sated enough to fall asleep.

-OO-OO-OO-

Now that I was more levelheaded, I knew the shit in the hallway between Bella and me shouldn't have happened. I wanted her, but it was wrong, even if it felt so fucking right.

Being so close to her last night, feeling her against me, allowing the walls to fall just a fraction for her, it made me realize how good inside she was. I wanted to have her wrapped around me forever so I could stay close to her. It also made me realize she deserved so much fucking better than me.

I could never be what she needed me to be. I couldn't give over parts of me that she would need in order to keep her as mine. I wasn't whole, hadn't been for a long time, and Bella wasn't one of these fucking girls like Tanya or Bree that were so easy to forget. Nothing about Bella was forgettable.

My bed felt like steel as I tossed and turned in the early morning. The light was just peering through the window, still darkened a bit by the passing night. I glanced at the alarm clock, meeting the red blaze that said it was nearly seven o'clock in the morning.

I rolled over, gripping my hair as I growled under my breath. I'd slept for shit, because all I could think about was Bella and what I'd done to her in my fucking hallway before Alice interrupted us. I thought about what would have happened if Alice hadn't interrupted, too. It would have been more than my tongue that had been inside Bella's body. I hated and thanked Alice for that shit.

Sleeping obviously wasn't going to happen, and lying in bed was doing nothing but driving me even more insane with thoughts of Bella and everything else I couldn't escape, so I got up and threw on some warm clothes, put on my coat and shoes, then took off outside. I didn't bother getting in my car, hell if I knew why, I just ran through the wooded area across the street from my house.

I ran through the mass of trees, running from her, running from fucking _everything_. I was tired of feeling this shit for her, but it was there, beating me down, making me want to make her mine. I just fucking wanted her so damn much.

I stopped before the trees parted, opening up to a vacant field. I turned around, trying to catch my breath while making sure no one was following me. I wasn't sure anyone had been awake when I left, but if they had, I wouldn't put it past them to try and follow me. Fixing me was on their daily routine. And I knew exactly what would happen if they did. I knew what the hell I'd do if they followed.

"You lost, boy?"

I turned around, coming face to face with an older man sitting on a broken tree stump, guitar in hand.

"Do I look like I'm fucking lost?" I hadn't been here before, but that shit didn't matter.

He shook his head, laughing, and began strumming lightly on the guitar. It was pretty damn awkward to say the least. Coming across an old man sitting outside in the fucking cold, even if he was bundled up like a goddamn Eskimo, playing guitar, was not something you saw every day.

"Well?"

He spoke two sentences, and he was already getting on my goddamn last nerve. "What's it to you, anyway?"

He smirked. "It's not. Just making conversation."

I'd had enough _conversation_, and I was not in the mood to be interrogated, least of all by some fucking old man I didn't know. If I wanted that shit, I'd just go home or find Bella.

"I don't make conversation with people I don't know." I said it like it was pretty fucking obvious, because it was.

"The name's Caius, but you can call me Smokey. And you are?" Was this asshole for real?

"What the fuck kind of name is Caius?" Yeah, I was a dick, but we already established that shit.

His head cocked to the side, his forehead a mass of scrunched lines as he studied me. I didn't like the way he was looking at me. "My birth name, obviously. You can tell me yours now, seeing as you just happened to stumble upon my property and completely disregarded the 'no trespassing' signs. Or I could just call-"

"Edward," I growled. "My fucking name is Edward." I didn't know this guy, but I knew enough to know I didn't like him, and I sure as hell didn't need another run-in with the cops.

He smirked again, throwing my words right back at me. "Well, what the fuck kind of name is _Edward_?"

This fucker was pissing me off. "Old man, you're getting on my last-"

"You didn't answer my question," he interrupted, unaffected by my anger. He stood from the tree trunk, holding the guitar at his side. "You lost?"

He was still staring at me like he was attempting to figure me out. It was too personal, the way he was looking at me, and I knew his question had nothing to do with misdirection.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not lost."

"So arrogant," Caius mumbled. "Pain will do that."

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" I took a step toward him. I wasn't rationally thinking before I reacted, but this guy was running his mouth about shit he didn't know.

He lifted an eyebrow. "Like I said, pain will do that."

"What do you know about pain?" I asked through gritted teeth.

He lowered his gaze toward the ground. "Enough."

"Yeah, is that right? Well, you don't know shit about mine."

His eyes immediately lifted, meeting mine. The humor was gone, replaced with anger. "You think you got the corner market on pain, boy? Let me tell you, you don't. We all have our own pain, some worse than others, and it takes knowing pain pretty damn well to recognize it. We all have our vices to dealing with it, too. Some of us channel into something constructive." He gestured with his guitar. "And some of us decide to hate the world and everyone in it. Hate's a pretty strong emotion, boy, and it can destroy whatever humanity you have left inside you. You may think you want that darkness to swallow you up so you can disappear, so you won't feel anymore, but trust me, it's much worse at the bottom. It hurts a hell of a lot worse trying to climb your way out of it, too. And you _will_ want to climb out of it."

That very moment, it was the first time the vice-like grip the anger held on my heart eased a fraction. I didn't understand why, but the change was definitely there. "You sound like you're speaking from personal experience and shit."

Caius nodded. "I am."

"Yeah, well, thanks for the advice, but I'm doing just fine on my own."

He smirked, shaking his head. "If that's so true, why are you running away?"

"I'm not fucking running away from anything," I said defensively.

He smirked again. "I don't know you, but-"

I cut him off. "That's right, you don't."

He narrowed his eyes, but began speaking again. "I don't know you, but you don't seem the type to be interested in nature walking. That's just an observation of mine, of course. Besides, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Been there, done that. Remember?"

"I don't give a shit what you've done, old man." Yeah, I was back to pissed off. This fucker wouldn't lay off, but still, I stood there and listened to him talk, having no idea why the hell I did.

"Of course you don't." He chuckled at me. "I heard the same lecturing I'm giving you, and I hated it as much as you do. I probably shouldn't say anything, because it's not really my place, but-"

"Why don't you take your own advice and quit lecturing me, then. I don't need to hear this shit from you, too."

"Because I already found my salvation." He glanced off to the right, staring past the trees. "She was everything to me, and the cancer took her about five years ago. Took a part of me, too, when she passed on. I could be angry and resentful, and I was for awhile, but all that did was blacken the time God gave me to be with her.

"I didn't appreciate what I'd been given. I was selfish wanting more, and all that did was eat me up inside until that wound in my soul left me hollowed out. I was so empty. It took a long time to realize what I was doing to her memory with the hate. Every moment with her, it was precious, and _nothing_ can replace it. I know you know that, boy."

He stared back at me, the harsh reality of his loss etched in every line on his face, in the dark blue of his aged eyes. "For awhile, God gave me an angel. She was _my_ angel, came to me when I needed her most. She stayed with me until God decided he needed her back. This here…" He held up his guitar. "It'll never be her, but playing music from my heart, letting the tune carry out the pain and anger instead of holding it inside, it's like purging my soul. I don't feel so empty anymore.

"I chose to dig myself out of that hole. I wanted to be worthy of my angel." He stared at me for awhile, the silence drifting around me so fucking uncomfortably, I wanted to crawl out of my skin. "I know that look on your face too. You got an angel, boy?"

I glanced away, grinding my teeth, not even attempting to answer that loaded question, but I could hear the smile in his voice when he started talking again. He'd read me like an open book. "Yeah, you do, don't ya? You wouldn't be running like you are if you didn't. I didn't want to let my angel in either, but it didn't matter in the end. She found a way in good and proper. She took up the whole inside of me. I'll let you in on a little secret, though."

He sat his guitar down and clasped his hands together. "You can't run from what's meant to be. Fate, it finds you no matter where you go. I tried to run and hide, but when I finally gave in, when it became too much to stay away from her and I handed myself over willingly, I wondered why I ran to begin with. She saved me. That's what angels do whether you want them to or not. You'll find out soon enough."

"You don't know me at all, so how do you know all this shit about me? Have you been stalking me, old man?"

He laughed. "You'd be surprised what your eyes can see once you've lived a life like mine. But you, it doesn't take much to see what you got inside ya. You aren't trying to hide it well." He adjusted his coat, then stood up, reaching for his guitar. "It's getting pretty cold out here, and I'm late for an appointment. Go on to your angel, boy. The sooner you give in to fate, the sooner you aren't feeling so dead inside. Just remember, you can fight against her all you want, but you won't win. She's already in your soul. You running away only proves that."

How fucking right he was.

-OO-OO-OO-

I headed back to the house, but Bella was already gone. I overheard Alice tell Esme she'd gone into work for a few hours even though she'd been scheduled off. I went straight to my room, pacing back and forth.

Who the fuck was that man and how did he know anything about me?

I briefly stared outside, but it was as chaotic looking as I felt inside. That internal war never stopped, but it was raging fierce today.

I reached for the bottle of Patron at the side of my bed and brought it to my lips, but I couldn't bring myself to take a sip. God, I wanted to, but my hand wouldn't tip the bottle back no matter how much my brain tried to force it to.

It couldn't erase away every fucking thing that ate at me, I knew that shit, but it wasn't for lack of trying every night. All the liquid inside that bottle did was push my baggage to the back of my brain for a brief time, but it was still there, smirking in wait, ready to tear me apart some more when I was sober.

It festered inside, eating away at what little was left of anything good inside me, leaving me a black nothingness. But I felt, I fucking _felt_ some life with Bella. She pointed those angel eyes on me, testing me in ways no one ever had, and made me feel like I used to when I wanted to live. It scared me to hell and back, but as much as I fought against it, I wanted it – I wanted _her_ beyond all reason.

I didn't deserve her, didn't deserve to feel the life she breathed in me, but I fucking wanted it all. I didn't have the strength to stay away from her anymore. I tried and failed.

I wanted Bella.

I changed into my work clothes and grabbed my coat, then started for the stairs. I made it into the kitchen and was just about to open the back door when I heard Alice behind me.

"It's nice to have you back. I was beginning to wonder if you'd let it happen."

I turned around to see her standing against the door frame, a hand on her hip. It was the first time I'd really looked her in the eye in a long time. "You don't know what you're talking about, Alice. This is me. This is what the fuck I am."

She smiled softly. "No it's not. You're changing, but it's not because of your family. It doesn't matter, though. It's still happening."

I had a feeling Alice saw a lot more than she let on the night before, but if she wasn't going to say shit about it, then neither was I.

"Don't count on it."

Just as I closed the door behind me, I heard her tiny voice whisper, "I already see you, Edward."

I didn't stop moving to respond. I had somewhere to be.

I didn't have to be to work for another hour, but that didn't stop me from pulling into Higgenbotham's.

I pushed through the heavy glass door, scanning the store for the reason I was there to begin with. She wasn't at the registers or anywhere near the front of the store, so I started toward the back to search the aisles until I found her.

I could feel Tanya's eyes on me, but I didn't give her the fucking satisfaction of looking at her. I had one purpose for being there, and she wasn't it.

I moved from aisle to aisle, growing more anxious when I couldn't find Bella. Where the hell was she?

I managed to come across Paula when I neared the back of the store, but I breezed past her. "You're early," she called out to me.

"Yeah, well, I was attempting that employee of the month shit."

I could hear her laughing behind me.

I rounded the corner of the produce aisle and spotted Bella making her way into the backroom. I increased my pace, hoping to catch her while no one was around. I really didn't want to talk to her with prying ears that I knew these fuckers around here had.

I called out to her even though I was a few feet behind her. "Bella."

She stopped and turned around, shocked to see me. "Edward, what are you doing here?" She glanced at her watch, then back to me. "You aren't supposed to be here for another hour."

I had to say what I came here for before I allowed myself enough time to think it through. "We need to talk."

She sighed. "Look, you don't have to feel bad about-"

"I want you."

"W-what?" She gripped the collar of her turtleneck as she stared up at me in confusion with those angel eyes of hers.

"I can't do it anymore, Bella." I attempted to appear controlled, but my hands shook against my sides. Telling her how I felt, it was disarming me in a way I swore I'd never fucking allow again. "I can't stay away from you. I've fucking tried, and I can't do it. I just… I want you."


	9. Chapter 9: All I Wanted

Lookie here… It's an early update. ;)

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophz456, and to my prereaders, Bbebar and shackle_me. ILY all SFM! Major love to my readers. You seriously rule my world!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 9: All I Wanted**

"**Tear You Apart"**

_It's only just a crush, it'll go away_

_It's just like all the others it'll go away_

_Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know_

_You pray it all away but it continues to grow_

_I want to hold you close_

_Skin pressed against me tight_

_Lie still, and close your eyes girl_

_So lovely, it feels so right_

**Bella**

"Feels so fucking good, doesn't it? I can make it feel better than that. You want me to make it feel better, Bella?"

Oh God, what was he doing to me? No one had ever touched me the way he was.

His voice was like liquid desire as it whispered across my heated skin, promising my body the most delicious pleasure it could ever know. Every word rippled across my flesh, attacking every nerve ending, making my body scream for more.

It was a struggle to open my eyes and look at him, because the sensations he caused me to feel were unlike anything I'd ever known before. The pleasure was swirling around me, wrapping me in all that was Edward. I was literally being consumed by him.

His eyes… Oh God, his eyes. I was nearly leveled by the desire I saw within them. An ache of need formed between my legs, eclipsing better judgment on my part, making me want Edward in a way I'd never wanted anyone.

There was a muffled voice in the back of my mind, and I tried to pause what was happening enough to understand what the voice was trying to tell me, but when he thrust against me and I felt his erection between my legs, the voice completely died out. There were no voices, nothing moving through me or around me but Edward.

I barely recognized my own voice when I told him yes. He groaned loudly, making the ache between my legs surge to a new level. I knew he was the only one who could make the ache go away. And then I felt his grip tighten around my body as he moved us.

He stopped us abruptly, then I heard the sound of a door handle turning. He was taking us to his bedroom. We'd barely stepped over the threshold into his room when we heard Alice's voice calling out to me.

Part of me wanted to tell her to go back into her room, but the other part of me, the part that found its way back inside my head, reminded me that if he knew what was under my sweatshirt, he wouldn't want me – he'd be disgusted by my scar.

I left him standing in his doorway, but the pull to him, like we were connected by a tightly coiled rubberband, yanked at my soul the further I stepped away from him.

"Water," I murmured, holding up the bottle as I passed Alice into her room. "I woke up thirsty."

"Oh," was all she said.

Nothing more was said on her end or mine. I was not complaining either.

I lay in bed after leaving Edward at his doorway and attempted to figure out what the hell had just happened. I almost… I couldn't believe I was actually going to go into his room with him. I actually wanted to.

The way he touched me, the things he made me feel, it made me forget all the reasons why I shouldn't be with him.

Thoughts about him, they were heavy on my mind… and continuous.

It wasn't until my eyes snapped open, catching the dim light filtering through Alice's window and the echo of my ringtone on my cell, that I'd realized I had even fallen asleep.

I reached for my cell that lay on top of Alice's nightstand and flipped it open, my voice coming out hoarse as I spoke. "Hello?"

"Bella, it's Mom." The frantic note in her voice had me alert quick and sitting up abruptly in bed.

"Mom, what's wrong? Is it Dad?"

"No, sweetie, your Dad is fine. I'm short staffed at the store today, so I was wondering if you'd mind covering a shift for me? You'll have next Saturday off instead."

I wiped the sleep from my eyes. "Uh… yeah, I guess. Give me a little while, and I'll be there."

"Thanks, sweetie."

I closed my cell and placed it back on the nightstand, sighing loudly as I stretched the less than acceptable amount of sleep from my muscles. I had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

-OO-OO-OO-

I pulled into a parking space at the back of the store. Renee had recently designated the employee parking back there, and any employees on the clock seen parking anywhere else but the designated area would hear an earful.

I opened the truck door, grabbed my purse and lunch, then started inside.

I stopped in the office and talked with Renee for a few minutes, asking her about Charlie before I headed back to the time clock. She assured me he was feeling better and should be returned to his dashing self in another day or two. She asked me about myself. I made it clear I was fine, no catastrophes on the agenda, then reminded her I needed to punch in soon. It was a plausible excuse so I could get away.

I slowly made my way to the backroom. I'd much rather be curled up in bed, sleeping right now. I stood at the time clock, openly gaping at the time cards… well, one in particular.

I was wrapped up in my memory of the night before, apparently too wrapped up to hear the footsteps behind me.

"I want you." The words were spoken in Edward's voice.

I went rigid, other than my eyes that searched around, looking for other people. There weren't any. I couldn't have heard him right. There's no way Edward just said he wanted me.

"W-what?"

My body turned around, moving of its own volition. "I can't do it anymore, Bella. I can't stay away from you. I've fucking tried, and I can't do it. I just… I want you."

"I don't understand," I whispered.

"What's there to understand?" He spoke flatly, eyes averted away from me toward the boxes of inventory lining the far wall in the backroom of my parent's store. But his normally confident self was faltering, visible by the slight tremor his hands made at his sides.

"You just said… you wanted me." I bit my lip, feeling the heat begin at my face, whispering its way down to my chest. I hated being this transparent.

"Yeah." He still remained indifferent, still keeping his eyes off me.

"I mean…" I paused, hesitant to continue, but the curiosity won out. "I didn't expect for you to feel… that way. Are you afraid or embarrassed to… uh… want me?" I rationalized that this could be a trick, that he could be baiting me for some kind of self-enjoyment in torturing me. And though I accepted that was a possibility, something in my gut told me that wasn't the case.

His head snapped in my direction, eyes flaming with what appeared to be anger, darkening the bright green of his eyes to an almost black tinged with a red fire of lust. Finally, there was some kind of emotion. The right side of his lips turned up as he smirked, but his eyes still burned with rage and desire. "It's not that I'm afraid or embarrassed of wanting you, Bella. It's not fear or embarrassment of wanting. You wanna know what it is? It's about wanting you too much, especially when I shouldn't want you. I've tried not to. God knows I've fucking tried not to feel anything for you."

I stepped backward as he stalked toward me, coming to a halt as my body collided with a wall. I was thrilled and terrified by his reaction. He placed his hands on either side of me, blocking me from moving, and my body instantly ignited from the proximity of his nearness. I could feel his warm breath on my mouth, taste him as my tongue dipped out to drag a path across my bottom lip. Being this close to me, this was not something Edward liked to do. "I fucking want you," he admitted through gritted teeth. "And I fucking hate that I do. So stop. Stop whatever it is you're doing."

I stared back at him with wide eyes. "I'm not doing-"

"Yes, you are," he countered. "All you have to fucking do is breathe, Bella, and you make me want you." He shook his head, his expression pained as he closed his eyes, leaning in closer so I could feel his breath on my skin. Goosebumps formed over my flesh. "I don't want this shit, but I can't stop it. I can't stop what you're doing to me."

"Edward, we shouldn't-"

My words caught in the back of my throat the moment his nose skimmed along my neck, and I heard him inhale before pressing his lips against the skin below my ear.

"Stop doing this to me, Bella." His lips brushed against my ear as he spoke in a crushed whisper. "Stop before I do something that wouldn't be good for either of us."

I swallowed thickly. "I don't know what you're-"

"Do it before it's too late. Stop before I make you mine."

"I'm not… You don't really want me, Edward."

He laughed against my neck, a laugh that sent chills up my spine. "If only that were fucking true."

He pressed a kiss against my temple, then groaned outright as his lips whispered along my jaw line, stopping at the corner of my lips.

"Don't let me do this to you… or to me, Bella." His lips moved against my skin, drawing out the flame his touch stirred within my body. I could feel the need for him, the need for everything that was Edward, thrumming under my heated flesh and bursting out in the form of goosebumps. "Right now, the way I'm feeling, the way _you_ make me feel, I don't just want your body – I want your heart and soul. Stop me before I make it all mine."

I should be frightened, shouldn't I? I should be afraid. Shouldn't there be warning bells ringing all around me, telling me to get as far away from him as possible? He was dangerous to my heart and soul. He could shred my soul and break open this heart that wasn't really mine, making it as useless as the one that had been taken from me, the one I'd been born with.

Yes, Edward Cullen could do that to me. I could feel it in the way he spoke to me and the way my body responded to him. I could feel it in the way my heart beat rapidly in my chest in a way only he had ever made it do and the way my soul reached out to his. With as much as this want and need for him loomed over me, heavy and unrelenting like a steel cage, I knew without a doubt in my bones he could end me.

As afraid as I should be, I wasn't afraid enough to walk away, so I guess it really was too late.

"Walk away, Bella," he breathed. His hands were now sliding down my arms, pulling me closer. I went willingly. "Please walk away."

His plea was falling on deaf ears. As much as I felt like I needed preservation of self against this beautiful, broken creature in front of me, because I knew the chances of him hurting me were inevitable, my heart disregarded that fact and kept holding on, anyway.

My heart? That was laughable. This stupid muscle pumping within my chest wasn't mine. The heart inside me was just an it, a thing I was cursed with because I was an anomaly. It would forever remind me I was born defective. It had molded itself inside, embedding itself so it seemed as if it belonged, but it was still foreign matter because it was never really mine.

I hated the 'thing' for making me pity myself - I hated pity. I hated the 'thing' for making me care for someone I never wanted to care for, who I'd never be able to keep. I hated the 'thing' because I knew I'd love him, but I would never know what it was like to love him with my real heart. And, dear God, I hated the 'thing' because it took someone else's heart to do for me what my own couldn't – it gave me life.

A callous voice inside my mind told me I was wrong to let myself have him, that we could never work for all the things that were against us. It screamed out how he needed to know the truth about me, that I needed to tell him so he could walk away now to save us both from something worse because I was too weak to do it. I had misread the warning my brain gave. It wasn't for me at all. It was for him.

_Leave him_, the voice urged. _You're going to make it worse_.

He wanted me. He actually wanted me. And the idea of not having the time I could with him, even though I shouldn't want to be with him for so many reasons, it sent a massive ache rippling across my insides. As wrong as I knew it was, I wanted to be his. I guess I could add selfish and masochist to the list of things wrong with me.

We were a pair; two broken halves coming together with all of our broken, messy shit. It was a colossal disaster in the making.

I should walk away, I really should, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't be responsible in the way I should be with him this close to me, touching me, telling me I was what he wanted. The pull to him was too strong. He'd have to be the one to walk away. It would have to be him.

And once he knew about my transplant, I knew he'd eventually find out, along with the hideous mark across my chest, he'd do what I couldn't - he'd leave, and he'd do it free and clear. I wouldn't stop him from going no matter how much I hurt. I was gonna lose, this I knew well, but maybe beforehand I could give him something he'd lost… hope.

That outcome? That was the reality I was heading toward. I had a one-way, non-refundable ticket.

Dear God, I should walk away.

And still, I fell into him and the painful darkness that awaited me. I fell into him like an addict that found her next hit. I was perilous to do anything but give in.

I was gonna love him despite that voice, despite knowing we'd end… and I'd be responsible for it. Those seeds were already sown. The thing inside my chest made sure of that.

"I can't," I finally whispered. I swallowed hard in my throat, the sound bouncing off my eardrums. I felt his body stiffen against mine. I took a deep breath, exhaling my resolve. "I can't walk away."

A groan that echoed defeat tore its way out of his mouth and ripped through the air. "This is gonna end badly, Bella. Fuck, this is gonna end so badly."

_I know_, I thought.

"Goddamn, you'll be the fucking death of me." He was voicing thoughts I wasn't meant to know.

_I'll be the death of us both_.

And then he kissed me with a hunger that stole away the air in my lungs.

-OO-OO-OO-

We didn't speak again until it was time for me to leave work, which ended up being five hours later. He stopped me at the time clock. "Bella, we… uh…" He paused while running nervous fingers through his thick, messy hair. "You and me, we got shit to talk about when I get off work."

I nodded. "I'll be at your house the rest of the weekend."

His forehead creased as confusion set in. "Why is that?"

I glanced down at the cement floor. I didn't want to lie, but I couldn't tell him the truth either. I wasn't ready to lose him yet, if I actually had him at all. "My dad, he's sick with a cold, so my mom asked if I could stay with Alice for the weekend."

"Yeah, but if it's just-"

I swallowed against the bitter taste of dread that harbored my name. "I'll see you at your place, Edward."

I left him standing there.

I didn't go right inside the Cullen house when I pulled in the driveway. I needed time to think while my head was clear enough from the Edward induced haze I found myself in quite often these days. I couldn't do that with others around, or the scent of Edward circulating through the rooms and attacking my senses, affecting my already tedious fight to stop us before we really began.

_He's not going to want you when he sees you aren't perfect._

Those words played over and over in my head, ricocheting off my throbbing temples.

A knock on the window interrupted my thoughts. It was Alice, smiling.

"You coming inside?" she asked. Her voice was a little muffled by the closed window. "You've been sitting here awhile. You okay?"

I opened the door after grabbing my things and slid out. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The door closing sounded louder than usual. "You don't look like you're fine."

"Really, I'm fine." I moved past her, heading toward the door.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened between you and Edward last night?" I immediately stopped, turning around to face her, my face crimson from the blush burning its way across my skin.

"Yeah." She smiled at me. The wind whipped her short black hair with its heavy breeze. "I know you weren't just getting water last night."

"I… uh… well, I…" The possibility of forming a complete sentence was lost on me.

Her smile grew, as well as the gleam in her eyes. "You like him, don't you?"

I sighed. No point it denying the obvious. "I don't want to like him." It was the truth… because I didn't.

"Well, what we want and what we get aren't always the same."

"Don't I know it," I agreed.

"You know," she began. "I kinda suspected something was up with you two."

"Really?" I asked incredulously. "I didn't realize anything but detest was noticeable between us. Hell, I don't even know when things started changing, honestly. I guess it was at work. I just… I pretty much loathed him, and then not so much."

She laughed. "Don't get me wrong, it was obvious you two had some measure of detest for each other, but I caught little things between you that maybe others didn't."

I was curious now. "Like what?"

"The stares," she answered. "You both stole glances at one another when you thought no one else was looking. And Edward? In all the time he's lived with us, he didn't talk about anyone. Not even Emmett and Jasper. Don't even get me started on the tantrum he threw in the lunchroom when Tyler asked you on a date. You got under his skin, Bella. You did it when no one else could."

Alice, as I just now discovered, was quite the observer.

"Yeah, but I'm afraid of what it'll cost me," I whispered.

She walked up beside me, grabbing one of the hands that hung loosely at my sides, and pulled me toward the door. "Come on. We'll get out of this cold and go up to my room to talk."

As appealing as getting out of the cold air was to me, giving her information on what happened between her brother and me the previous night wasn't.

"Alice, I… uh… I know you know about last night and all, but I really don't feel comfortable talking about what Edward and I did," I rattled on as we walked through the door. "It's just that, it's-"

She turned around, a disgusted look upon her face. "Ugh, Bella. Look, I didn't want details or anything. He is my brother, so that's, like, really gross. I just meant that if you wanted someone to vent to, you know, about why you were sitting in your truck for so long, I'd be that person. But details about where my brother's hands and parts had been, or your hands and parts had been, I don't wanna know." She shivered. "Seriously, there isn't enough therapy in the world that would heal the scar that kind of conversation would give me."

Before I could respond, Esme strolled into the kitchen, a warm smile upon her face and a purse hanging off her shoulder. "Hey, girls. I'm off to the market. I've got a few things to get for dinner, but I'll be home after. You need anything?"

We both shook our heads.

"Alright," she said. "I'll see you in awhile."

We made our way up to Alice's room. I was actually sort of looking forward to talking with Alice, seeing as it would remain a non-makeout related conversation. She was Edward's sister and knew him better than I, plus she was the only one besides my parents who knew about my transplant, so maybe I could get some insight from her.

She sat down on her bed, crossing her legs over the thick, flowery comforter draped over her mattress. "So, why were you sitting out in your truck, looking all emo?"

"I think you know why," I answered pointedly.

"Yeah, I think I do." She briefly stared at me, then shifted her gaze between me and her guest bed. "Take a seat, Bella. You're making me nervous."

I sat down on the bed across from hers, mimicking the way she was seated. "Is that better?"

"Yes," she smiled, nodding. "So, are you going to answer the question? Why were you being all emo?"

"I was not being emo," I rebuked. She placed her hand on her hip, tilting her head to the side. "Okay, maybe I was being a little emo. I've just got a lot on my mind."

"And would that _a lot _start with Ed and end with ward?"

"Remind me to mark you off my Christmas list," I teased. She stuck her tongue out at me. "Okay, yeah. Obviously _things_ are… happening… and I'm not sure what to do about it."

"And you're scared of those _things_." She wasn't asking, she was stating a fact.

I nodded. "I am. If I let this happen, and he finds out about… If he knows what's under here…" I palmed my chest. "I know what's going to happen."

"You think he'll lose interest once he knows about your heart transplant, don't you?" I nodded again. "If he did that, he'd be a complete asshole."

"He's already a complete asshole." I covered my mouth, eyes widening when I realized what I'd said. "I'm sorry," I mumbled against my hand.

She laughed. "Hey, don't apologize for speaking the truth. Edward, he's been through a lot. He's not like he used to be, but that doesn't mean that he'd stop wanting you just because you have a different heart and a scar because of that."

"But I'm not beautiful."

"There's more to beauty than just what you see on the outside. And if you think you aren't beautiful, Bella, then you don't see yourself clearly."

"I'm not a whole person."

"Because you won't let yourself be. Maybe, just maybe, you and Edward can make each other whole. Maybe that's what all this is about."

"I don't know about that," I told her. "I don't even know what happened to him."

"He doesn't know what happened to you either."

_Ouch_, I thought, lowering my eyes to the floor. _Touche_.

"I wasn't completely honest with you, Bella." My eyes met hers. "You know Edward's mom died, right?"

"Yeah."

"I shouldn't be saying this to you, because it's his place to, but his mom… she was killed."

The heart in my chest clenched painfully. "I didn't-"

"In Arizona, Bella. His mom died in Arizona." My world felt like it spun off its axis. "They'd only been there a couple days when it happened. I'll leave it to Edward to tell you what happened." There was no denying the hope in her voice. "But I told you what I did because maybe you'll do the same for him."

-OO-OO-OO-

I was lying on Alice's bed, nervous and anticipating the talk with Edward. She was now gone, on my insistence to keep her plans, to dinner with Jasper, but she promised she'd be home after.

I wasn't yet sure what I was going to do. Talking with Alice helped some, but I was still torn between what I knew I wanted and what I knew I should do. Maybe I wouldn't be so antsy if she were still here. I laughed, because I knew that wasn't true. I'd still be antsy, but at least I wouldn't be alone.

I groaned out my frustration, then ran my hands down my face, roughly. Sitting here thinking was doing nothing more than making me frustrated. What was the point, anyway? I'd know what to do once I talked to Edward… Wouldn't I?

I repositioned myself on the mattress and reached for the T.V. remote. I needed a distraction. I'd just gripped the controller when my phone chimed in warning of a text. I sighed, then grabbed my phone and flipped it open. It was from Edward.

_I'll be at the house in 5. Meet me outside._

I replied back.

_How did you get my cell number?_

_I have my ways, Bella. Just meet me outside. _

I left a note for Alice on the nightstand, grabbed my coat and purse, then headed outside. I was standing outside a minute or two, the cool air licking across my exposed flesh, when he pulled up. He motioned me over, so I walked up to the passenger side and climbed in. The temperature inside was a huge contrast from the outdoors. The change made me shiver in my seat.

"I thought we'd go somewhere private to talk." He didn't look at me when he spoke.

"Alright."

He pulled out of the driveway, our conversation as empty as his expression. I was admittedly nervous because of it.

He turned down a side road that veered off to a dirt one. When he finally stopped the car, we were parked in front of what looked like an abandoned barn, some of the wooded siding splintering off in places.

"I found this place one summer," he said. "I used to come here when I needed to get away."

He opened the driver's side door and got out. I followed behind him.

The grounds were definitely vacant, obviously had been for a long time, and I imagined it was overrun by wild flowers in the summer. The barn doors creaked loudly, screaming out their lack of use when Edward opened the doors. The floorboards were just as loud. I followed him toward some old, empty wooden crates that sat in a corner of the barn, underneath a dirty window. They looked as lonely as the building.

"Just sit down there." He pointed to some of the crates. He sat down on a cemented bench that was flipped on its side, a crack through the seat that was visible when he lifted it upright. "I'd have you sit on this, but those are a lot sturdier."

"These are fine," I assured him as I sat down on one.

We were both seated, awkward silence drifting through the barn as stealthy as the wind that blew through the missing wood planks.

I was going to slice through that silence, because maybe he was waiting for me to begin, but he sighed loudly, then started talking. "I meant what I said earlier… about wanting you."

"Okay." _Real articulate, Bella_.

He fumbled with his hands but glanced up at me after I spoke. "So you know, I didn't plan this shit out, Bella. I work better alone."

"Then why are we here?"

His brows furrowed. "You think I wanted to be here, doing this? Believe me, I didn't. I tried everything. I really did. I tried hating you, especially because of where you're from. I tried drinking you out of my system. I was ready to fuck you out of my head, but I-" He paused, shaking his head, probably to collect himself. "The point is, I did damn well everything not to want you, and the harder I fought, the more I wanted you." His stare intensified. "Were you… That wasn't just me, right?"

_God, I wish it had been. _

I shook my head. "It wasn't just you."

"What now?" he asked. "Where do we go from here? I think we've seen how well I control myself around you."

"What do you want?" I murmured. It was a dangerous question, but I still wanted the answer.

"That is the million dollar question, is it not?" He laughed, dryly. "You know what the fuck I want, Bella. That's why I'm here. Do I think it's a good idea? Hell, no. Did I want it? Sure didn't. None of that matters, though. I still want what I want… and you're it." The heart in my chest beat rapidly. "What do you want?"

"Truthfully, Edward, I feel the same. I tell myself to stay away from you, that we aren't good for each other, but I never seem to listen to my own advice where you're concerned. I can't see how this will turn out well for either of us, but I can't change this pull to you. I've tried too, but I can't do it."

"Yeah, we're pretty optimistic about this, aren't we?"

I smiled, hmphing under my breath. "We definitely are."

We were back to the awkward silence beating down around us.

Edward shuffled in his seat. "So yeah, I know we're at some fucking crossroads here and shit because neither of us expected what's happening, but like I said, Bella, I can't stay away from you anymore. Trying to, it's making me lose my goddamn mind. But, you know, I just… I want to keep this between us."

I blinked at him, perpetually, feeling a wave of disappointment rush through me. Of course he would. He didn't want anyone to know he felt anything for me. And here he said he wasn't ashamed. I guess it would be easier once we were over if we just kept it hidden. No loose ends to deal with.

He angled closer to me. "I know that look." I turned away from him and began staring out the filmy window. "Bella, it's not what you think. This has nothing to do with being ashamed of you. What this is about, it's about keeping something for myself and not being questioned about the motive behind it. Fuck, Carlisle and Esme, if they knew we were… uh…" He paused.

My head snapped in his direction, my tone biting. "If we were what, Edward? What exactly are we, huh? Friends? Dating? Soon-to-be fuck buddies? Is all this just about getting down my pants?"

He stood up from the old bench and strode toward me, planting himself directly in front of me. I could feel the anger vibrating off his body. "Is that what you want, Bella?" he growled.

He reached out, locking his fingers around my wrist and pulled, yanking me to my feet. We were practically body to body now. His stare was hard, the green of his eyes darkened by anger… and something else.

My body heated, but I refused to buckle in front of him. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I spat. "I won't be your plaything, Edward."

He smirked at me, arrogant like, his lips pulled up in the way that drove that ache within me further out of control. "See, I hear what you're saying, Bella, but your body is saying something completely different right now." He leaned forward, whispering in my ear. "I can smell that you want me. Did you know that shit?" He inhaled, then pulled me closer. "Do I wanna fuck you, Bella? Yeah, I do. More than you know. I'm not gonna lie to you about that."

The hand that gripped my wrist immediately lowered, pressing my palm against his erection. His very hard erection. I gasped. "You can feel how much I want you. But despite what you might think, I don't just wanna stick my dick in you. I'm not just after your body." He shook his head and released my wrist. "It would be so much easier if that's all I fucking wanted from you. I wish that was all I wanted." He ground his teeth together. "But I want more than that."

I bit my lip, whispering, "You say that now, but what if you see something about me you don't like, and you realize I'm not what you really want."

He smirked again. "I fought hard against this shit, but I think we're past that point now, don't you? Like I told you earlier, all you have to do is fucking breathe."

"Yeah, but I-"

"Do you want me, Bella?"His body trembled against mine. "You need to tell me now, because I'm not doing this shit alone. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here either. I'm definitely not boyfriend material. I'm an asshole, and you'll probably hate me in the end, but I'm standing here in front of you now, doing shit I said I'd never do. This is me, as vulnerable as you're ever gonna see. You want to walk away from this, we'll walk away, but I don't think you really want that."

I knew I didn't. "I don't want to walk away."

He exhaled fully, his warm breath caressing my face. "Are you all in, then? All or nothing, Bella. I'm not asking for marriage and all that bullshit. Seriously not going there. I just need to know you're there too."

I looked into his eyes, seeing past the bullshit, the hard exterior, and stared into the soul of him. I was there with him. We were both equally afraid about the steps we were taking. "I'm there too."

"You know what that means, then?" His expression was so serious.

"What?"

The right side of his mouth turned up into a half smile. "We're fucked."

I laughed, my chest feeling less heavy. "How ironic."

He sat us down along the wooden crates but kept our bodies close – I was practically sitting in his lap. "You think that shit's funny, don't you? But what's ironic is I warned you what would happen, and you didn't listen."

His hand wrapped around the back of my neck as he pulled my face closer to his. "Oh, really? And what's that?"

His eyes drifted down to my mouth as his tongue came out, swiping along his bottom lip, leaving the soft flesh glistening. "I told you I'd make you mine… and I did."

I opened my mouth to reply, but he pulled me forward into a heated kiss. I moaned as his tongue entered my mouth, grazing mine, and his fingers dug into the flesh of my neck and lower back.

I lost track of time, breathing, everything that didn't involve Edward's hands or mouth. But I registered his mouth leaving mine, the desire behind his eyes, him telling me to stand up, only to pull me back down so I was straddling him. His cool fingers ran under my coat, grasping my waist and pulling me against him. He was so hard underneath me, and God help me, I whimpered when I felt him between my legs, sliding over him, when he pulled me closer.

He grinned and did it again, but thrust against me.

"You think if I rubbed myself all over you, everyone would know you belong to me?" he breathed.

Somehow, the thought of him doing that was insanely hot, even if he was insinuating I was property. "I'm not… property." _You'd be anything he wanted you to be right now_, my mind rasped. "And I thought you… uh… didn't want anyone to know about us."

"You aren't property, but you are mine," he drawled. He drew my hips forward, rocking me over him so his erection hit just right between my legs, causing sparks of pleasure that even my teeth felt. "Besides, I only meant Carlisle and Esme… and your parents. I don't want lectures right now. And the people at school, I don't give a fuck what they think."

My eyes closed in tight slits, the pleasure almost too much. "They… they'd find out… kids… school."

He shifted me forward and lifted his hips to meet mine. "No more talking."

His tongue was back in my mouth, and he was pushing and pulling me against him, groaning and cursing against the friction our bodies caused. Shouldn't I be stopping th- "Oh, God," I gasped, breaking the kiss.

"I wanna make you come, Bella. Fuck, I really wanna make you come."

Oh, God. Was I really doing this? What if he saw- "I… I've-"

"I'm not gonna do it here," he whispered. "As much as I want to, I'm not going to. Not here."

He stopped moving me over him, then helped me off his lap. I had to lean against the crate to keep from toppling over.

"I… uh… thank you." I could feel my cheeks flaming.

He smiled. "What for? Almost making you come?"

I blushed further. "No. For, you know, stopping and..." My words trailed off.

"Bella, are you a virgin?"

I was beyond humiliated now. "I'm going to the car now."

He reached for me, pulling me against him. "Shit, I wasn't making fun of you. I was just making sure." I could see the sincerity in the way he looked at me. It was a strange emotion coming from Edward.

I nodded. "Yeah."

He brushed his lips against mine. "I'll take it slow, okay? I'll make it good for you, angel ey-" He stopped speaking, his body stiffening.

"Edward?"

He stepped away from me and ran his fingers through his hair. "We should get back. It's fucking cold out here, and I don't need you getting sick."

He stepped forward, but I reached for his hand, wrapping my fingers around his. He stood still, gazing toward the barn doors, before finally looking at me. "Are you… Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine."

His fingers seemed stiff, but he didn't drop my hand as he pulled me alongside him to his car. Just like our drive to the barn, the ride home was made in silence.

We didn't speak through dinner, but I felt him watching me, even as he excused himself upstairs. I hated the silence between us. It felt like he was shutting me out. He had since he stopped himself from finishing whatever he was saying to me in the barn, when he called me angel something. Angel what? What else was he going to say? I really wanted to know.

I finished eating and cleared my plate, offering to wash the dishes for Esme. She refused, telling me I was a guest in her home, and I was free to watch television in the living room or head up to Alice's room. I chose the latter.

As I rounded the corner of the last step, I found myself in the same predicament I'd been in the previous night… well, almost. This time, I was wrapped in Edward's arms, and his mouth was moving hungrily over mine.

"Fuck, I wanted to do that the whole time you were eating," he breathed against my mouth.

"Really?" I asked. "I thought you were ignoring me."

"Uh, yeah, that's not fucking possible. Tried that, remember?"

"But in the car and at the table, you never-"

"I was just overwhelmed. That's all."

"How did you know it was me, though?"

He grinned. "I'd know that fucking scent of yours anywhere."

He kissed me again, obviously to keep me from asking any more questions, but stopped when we heard Esme moving downstairs. "When everyone is asleep, meet me downstairs. Will you meet me?"

I knew I shouldn't… again, for so many reasons, but I was going to anyhow. "Yes."

He smiled, making my knees weak to the point I had to grasp onto him to hold myself upright. This was becoming a habit with him.

He laughed at my clumsiness. It was such a beautiful sound. "Go on before Esme comes up here and finds me doing something to you I shouldn't." His voice was like sex, a promise of all the things his eyes showed that he wanted to do to me.

I was full on blushing now.

We watched each other moving opposite directions in the hall and kept our eyes locked until we were closed behind the bedroom doors. He was in the room beside me, basically a few feet away, and I still felt the longing. Admitting to him what I felt, I opened myself up to the emotion.

I had just sprawled myself upon the bed when my cell chimed.

_Don't fall asleep, Bella. You have somewhere to be when everyone falls asleep._

My entire body flushed with heat. I was in so much trouble later.


	10. Chapter 10: Everything Changes

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophz456, and to my prereaders, Bbebar and shackle_me. You all know how much ILY! Major love to my readers. I adore you all beyond words!

I do not own anything Twilight. It all belongs to SM. No copyright infringement is intended. However, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details of this story are mine. No copying or reproduction without my permission.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 10: Everything Changes**

**Edward**

As I pulled onto the highway, making my way home, I was feeling pretty fucking anxious. But it wasn't like I could renege on the shit I'd said to Bella now. It was out there, it was known, and there was no way my mind, my heart or my dick could handle it. She was the only thing they all seemed to want, anyway.

My eyes dropped briefly from the road ahead, examining the way my fingers were white knuckled as they gripped the steering wheel. It wasn't exactly a surprise either. The tension in my body pretty much filled the air of the car. It wasn't corporeal, but you could sense that shit with as thick as it was. The tension, it still wouldn't change what was about to happen.

Truth was, no matter how fucked up all this was and would get, I wanted her in a way I'd never wanted anyone. Hell, the last time I actually wanted someone, other than to just stick my dick in, was before my mom died. Still, it was never like this clusterfuck of emotions Bella brought out of me.

In a matter of weeks, and that shit shouldn't be possible, she infiltrated the inside of me. Infiltrate was the right word too, because I hadn't wanted to feel these goddamn feelings I felt for her. But they plowed right over my ass, dropped their heavy weight on my chest and slapped me in the face, smirking down at me as they said, "Deal with it, fucker. It's not like you really got a say."

Now wasn't that the motherfucking truth.

I sighed, releasing the grip my left hand had on the steering wheel. I watched as the indentations in the material from my fingertips decompressed back to its original form. I ran my fingers through my hair – nervous habit – then reached for my cell to text Bella.

_I'll be at the house in 5. Meet me outside._

_How did you get my cell number?_

She really didn't need to know I copped that shit from Alice's cell phone… unknowingly. Yeah, it was a bitch ass thing to do, but again, I'm an asshole. No shocker there. Besides, it wasn't like Bella would have given it to me anyway, and I really didn't have any other way to get it without Alice. I wanted it because… well, I just fucking wanted it.

_I have my ways, Bella. Just meet me outside._

After I picked her up, I took her to this old barn I used to go to as a kid. It was private, obviously because the place was abandoned. It still looked like shit, even the open field around the place, but it was going to serve its purpose, so what did I care? I just wanted to be alone with her.

I immediately took her inside because it was cold, and I didn't want her getting sick, then led her to a stack of wooden crates that were at the back of the barn in a corner. After I sat down on a cracked bench, neither one of us said anything for awhile. I was pretty much locked in my own head, trying to figure out exactly what I was going to say to her. And Bella? She was waiting on me.

I figured I may as well start with the obvious. "I meant what I said earlier… about wanting you."

"Okay," she responded.

She was pretty nervous, and that shit did nothing to help deflect my own anxiety. I was fumbling with my hands, thinking how it shouldn't be this hard to actually speak some words, but then again, I didn't tell people how I felt. It wasn't something I felt obligated to fucking do. People were told only what I thought they needed to know, but with Bella, well, that just didn't work. I couldn't hide from her.

It wasn't for lack of trying obviously, but my fucking filter was shot to shit around her, so I continued to make with the honesty. It wasn't exactly the nicest thing I could have said, because I told her I worked better alone. I was a prick like that, apparently, even though I wasn't trying to be offensive. I was just laying it all out on the table. She held her own, though, and my dick applauded her for that even through my frustration.

The thing was, Bella and I did what we always did when things got real between us. We started arguing the shit out, which led to my tongue down her throat, and me shoving my dick against her while she dry humped me. Did I mention I hated motherfucking clothes?

Maybe that wasn't entirely counterproductive… to _her_, but that was our way. In retrospect, we got some shit accomplished because we still talked quite a bit and learned where we stood. She knew I wanted her, I knew she wanted me, we knew because of that we were both fucked, yet we couldn't walk away from it.

I also learned the girl was dangerous to more than just giving me a severe case of blue balls, which in itself was a goddamn tragedy, but she was lethal to my heart too. I knew as I held her in my arms, nothing but her warmth and smell wrapping aptly around me, the way it felt so damn right for me to be holding her like that, she was the only thing that could break the useless muscle in my chest that felt dead until she came along.

Yeah, she put a spark in me.

It was that same spark that nearly had me calling her angel eyes. I got to calling her that, but she wasn't supposed to know it. I slipped up, but caught myself. I wasn't good boyfriend material, I didn't do the pet names, but damn if I didn't look in those brown eyes of hers and feel like I was gifted some small piece of heaven whether I deserved that shit or not.

Like I said, it was that damn spark.

I took her back to my house. Conversation was nonexistent the whole way there. Even through dinner we didn't speak, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Needless to say, I excused myself from the dinner table with a hard-on comparable to a titanium rod, because, apparently, Bella sucking noodles from a fork was a motherfucking aphrodisiac. Who knew?

When she finally came upstairs from dinner, I met her in the hallway… or attacked her in the hallway, depending on how you looked at it. Either way, my arms were around her, and my mouth was working hers.

"Fuck, I wanted to do that the whole time you were eating," I said against her lips.

"Really?" she asked. "I thought you were ignoring me."

I wanted to laugh at her comment. "Uh, yeah, that's not fucking possible. Tried that, remember?"

"But in the car and at the table, you never-"

"I was just overwhelmed. That's all." She didn't realize how true that shit really was. It's what she brought out in me.

She asked me how I knew it was her coming up the stairs, so I told her. "I'd know that fucking scent of yours anywhere."

That answer led to more kissing, which led to me wanting to do a whole lot more than just kissing, but I digress. I couldn't exactly fuck her out in the hallway, though that was a pretty tempting idea, but I'm not sure she'd be okay with someone catching us because we weren't alone in the house.

To be honest, I wasn't okay with it either. What she had under those clothes, it was for my fucking eyes only. So I made sure before I left her that she knew I'd like her to meet me downstairs when everyone went to bed. She agreed.

I closed myself in my room, knowing the next few hours were going to be a bitch. What can I say? I was an impatient shit.

I figured, though, if I was going to do some suffering, I may as well not be alone in it. I lay down on my bed, grabbed my cell, then sent a text.

_Don't fall asleep, Bella. You have somewhere to be when everyone falls asleep._

I smiled as soon as I heard her ringtone echo through the wall. I knew she got it, and I knew she was in for as long a night as I was.

-OO-OO-

I laid there in bed, trying to find something to distract myself from the fact that Bella was on the other side of the wall my headboard leaned against. The only thing stopping me from going into that room was that I now knew Alice was in there with her.

I had no idea what they were talking about, and normally I wouldn't give a shit about girl talk, but I wanted to know what kind of conversation they were having. Or maybe it was more of me wanting to know if Bella was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about her. Did she have any fucking idea what I planned to do to her tonight?

And now I was so goddamn hard I groaned in frustration.

I tried ticking off shit in my head that would help end the torture my dick was under, considering I still had at least an hour by the alarm clock before I could see Bella, but nothing worked. Pacing around my room was out of the question, obviously for comfort reasons. Lying in bed did nothing to help with the throbbing between my legs either. So… a cold shower it was.

Needless to say, the cold shower helped, but I had that water so fucking cold I feared my dick was going to turn into a cocksicle. The outcome was what mattered, though. I may have suffered a little hypothermia, but I wasn't sporting wood anymore.

I threw on a tank-shirt and pajama pants, going commando underneath, then skimmed through the cable lineup to watch a little T.V. When I was bored with that, I found some other mundane shit to do before I couldn't stand being enclosed in my room any longer.

I headed downstairs.

The lights were out throughout the house, which meant everyone was in bed, so as long as Alice was asleep, it wouldn't be long before Bella joined me… if she was still awake. I went straight to the living room and sat on the couch, grabbed the remote as I plopped my feet up on the coffee table, then turned on the television.

I must have flipped through every one of the channels twenty damn times when I felt the air in the living room charge with electricity. I didn't have to see her to know she was near me.

"I was beginning to think you fell asleep," I murmured.

She came around the back of the couch, but stood near the arm. "I had to wait for Alice to fall asleep."

I sat the remote down, dropped my feet from the table and looked up at her. "Are you going to sit down?"

She shifted her weight on her feet. "Yeah, I just…"

I lifted an eyebrow. "You just, what?"

"I thought… uh… we could talk or whatever."

I laughed. "You wanna talk, heh?"

She took a few steps closer to me, making visible the pajama shorts she was wearing were tighter around her ass than the ones from the previous night. I'm pretty sure I growled as I stared at her ass. If she heard me, she didn't acknowledge it. She was probably getting used to the fact that I was part caveman around her.

"Well, I mean, I know we talked some earlier, but I just… There are still things we need to talk about. Things I have to tell you, maybe things you have to tell me. I guess, like, what we are to each other and-"

"Do we really have to put a name to it?" I asked. "Isn't that, like, pressuring us to be whatever society fucking thinks we should be? Why can't it just be me and you, being whatever we want to be together without a label?"

I swear she looked like she was mentally flipping my ass off. "So, is that your way of basically saying you don't want anyone to know if you consider me your girlfriend or not? If you don't put a label to it, then you won't have to explain what I am to you?"

"That's not what the fuck this is about. Sometimes a mere word doesn't have enough emphasis to define what someone or something is."

"You really believe what you're saying? This isn't about hiding?"

"Why wouldn't I? I may be an asshole, Bella, but I do have some fucking depth to me. I do have shit I believe despite what you might think about me."

"That's not what I… I wasn't saying that."

"Yeah, I think I got the memo loud and clear about what you were saying."

"Isn't that some bullshit, Edward? Double standards much? You don't want me assuming anything about you, but there you go assuming about me. The pot calling the kettle black, right?" She continued telling me off, but to be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to the shit she was saying. I was too focused on the fact that her defiance spiked that carnal need in me.

I reached for her, pulling her into my lap, silencing her with my lips. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, groaning as the taste of her actually fucking overwhelmed me.

"Why?" I whispered against her lips as I broke the kiss to get some air. "Why do you always have to fucking fight me?"

I asked the question, but I didn't let her answer.

My mouth was claiming hers, hot and hungry, like I needed her fucking taste to live off of. My hands were working their way up the soft skin of her thighs, thighs I wanted to be parting so I could settle myself between them and bury myself inside her.

I wanted her so fucking bad. And the want for her, it only seemed to magnify. I felt like I was this goddamn ball of flame around her, searing with a need that consumed me in ways I had no words for. It fucked with my head because I couldn't understand all these feelings crashing down on me like steel weight, especially the warm sensation that suffused through my chest the second I laid eyes on her. It didn't matter, though, did it? Because all that shit, that's what led me here.

I repositioned her in my lap so she was straddling me, her knees digging into the cushions of the couch, without moving my mouth from hers. I'd rather cut off my motherfucking eyelids than pull my lips away and lose the taste of her mouth… unless it was between her legs I was tasting. Either one, it didn't matter.

She was pulling back, but I tried to hold her to me. She gasped, breathing out my name. "_Edward_…"

I pulled her back against me, her chest pressing into mine. I loved the feel of her body up against me. "Don't stop, Bella."

Her brown eyes stared back at me, hooded with a need that matched my own, but a defiance blazing underneath that made my dick so hard it ached for some relief. She liked to challenge me, and surprisingly, I fucking loved that she did.

She closed her eyes, breathing in deep before opening them again, her voice sounding sultry and sexed up. "It's not going to work. I… I know what you're trying to do."

I lifted my eyebrow, smirking up at her as I shifted my hips upward, loving the whimper I got in exchange. "Give me a few more seconds, and I'll show you what I'm trying to do."

I glided my tongue along the soft plumpness of her bottom lip. Even in the dim light the television offered, I could make out that it was slightly swollen and red from kissing. Still, that didn't detour me from the fact that I was going to be kissing those lips again. She knew that and shivered because of it… or maybe it was because of what I'd just done with my tongue.

"You know, there are other things… uh… you could be doing with that tongue instead of-"

"Now we're talking," I teased.

She blushed as she realized exactly what she'd said, but smiled at me anyway, shaking her head in amusement, and placed her small hand against my chest as she reared back, the heat from her palm radiating through my tank-shirt into my skin. It amazed the hell out of me how even that kind of contact from her was so fucking stimulating. "I'm being serious, Edward. You could be using it for talking rather than-"

I clasped my hand around her wrist and yanked upward as my other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her against me, bringing us chest to chest again. The movement cut off her words, but that was exactly the fucking point. Of course the chest to chest would have been so much better if we were naked, but, you know, details and all that shit. It was gonna happen soon enough.

I leaned forward, dipping my tongue out to trail a path along her jaw line. Her breathing was a steady rhythm, much louder, and warm bursts of air scaled off the side of my face as she exhaled. I grinned at her reaction, all self-satisfied that I could make her feel as goddamn needy as she made me, but I wanted to take it up a fucking notch, so I paused at her ear, whispering, "You wouldn't be saying that shit if you knew all the ways I was good at using my tongue."

"Oh, my God," she whimpered. "I… You make me feel dizzy. How… how do you do that?"

I smiled at her. "Do what?"

"Don't act all innocent, Edward Cullen. You know exactly what you were doing." She narrowed her eyes at me, trying to act hard and shit, but she was failing miserably.

Her eyes locked on my mouth as my tongue slipped out, sliding along my bottom lip slowly. She was conveniently occupied, like I wanted her to be, so I gripped my hands around that pert ass of hers and drew her forward, grinding her against my dick again. "Oh, you mean that?"

"Yes," she groaned.

"You like when I do that shit, Bella?" I asked. "You like feeling my dick against that pussy?"

"Holy shit," she hissed in a low breath. I'd seen Bella aroused before, I'd made Bella aroused before, but to see Bella this aroused, like she was going to attempt to eat me alive, it was fucking amazing. "The things you say, I just… How… how can you make me-" She paused.

"Make you what?" I wanted her to tell me, and I was going to give her some incentive to do it, so I thrust against her, making sure to rub where I knew her clit was, giving her the friction she wanted. Not that the feeling wasn't enjoyable for me, either.

She whimpered. "You just… You make me want…"

"You want what, baby?" I worked her hips over my dick. "You want this?" I leaned forward to whisper in her ear, but kept grinding her against me. "I know you want this, and I want to give it to you, Bella. Let me give you what we both want."

"I'm… aching," she whispered. Her face flushed a bright shade of red, and I knew the words she'd just said, they spilled out without her intending them to.

"I know," I smirked at her. "But I'll make the ache go away. I'll make you feel so fucking good."

She shook her head, like she was clearing her mind of haze. "I'm not… uh… I'm not a slut, Edward."

I laughed, nearly choking as the sound came out. "Well, obviously not. You're a virgin, Bella. But where the hell did that shit come from?"

Her small fingers started fumbling with the fabric of my tank-shirt, her eyes watching the movement her fingers made. "I've… well, I've never had sex, and I just…" Her words trailed off. She was nervous.

I placed my hands over her fingers, stopping the path they were taking against my chest. "I know you haven't had sex before, but obviously you know there are other ways to come besides having sex." Her eyes widened. "You have come before, right?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Not even by touching yourself?"

She shrugged, biting her lip, her blush deepening. "Well, I've never…"

I blew out a deep breath, shocked. "Well, shit." She stared at me, confused. I sighed. "Stand up."

Her brows knitted together. "Why?"

"Just stand up," I told her.

She did as I asked, so I followed suit, turning off the T.V. before grabbing her hand in mine and pulling her toward the door leading to the garage. "Where are we going? Are you… are you taking me to the garage?"

I didn't bother to glance over my shoulder to answer her as I pushed through the door and headed toward the stairs that led up to the loft above the garage, pulling her behind me. "I'm taking you to the loft above the garage."

"Why?"

"Because you're about to make a lot of noise, Bella."

"But, Edward, I…"

I spun around quickly, yanking her toward me, pressing her tiny body against mine. "I told you earlier I wanted to make you come, that hasn't changed, but tonight I'm only gonna use my fingers. Tell me you don't wanna know what it's like to come by my fingers, and we'll stop this shit now. I won't go any further. I want you, Bella, and I know you can feel how much, but I won't force you. I just want to touch you."

"Why?"

I gaped at her. "Why do I want to touch you?"

"No." She shook her head. "Why do you want me?"

"Where to fucking start with that question."

"Start anywhere."

"We're doing this… right now?" She nodded. I sighed again. "Bella, there's a lot of reasons, and I…"

"Tell me," she pleaded.

I lifted my hand, grazing my knuckles over her cheek. "You're beautiful. That's one reason." Her eyes dropped from mine. "You don't take my shit. Turns out, my dick happens to like that about you."

She chuckled. "You certainly know how to choose your words, Edward."

"Isn't that the fucking truth."

"It's sexual, though, right? I mean, that's why-"

"No." I shook my head, actually getting pissed that she thought I only wanted to fuck her, and that was it. "It's no secret I want to fuck you, Bella. I've told you that shit." I glanced down at the obvious hard-on I was sporting. "You're the only one that does this to me."

Her head cocked to the side. "You seem to forget how the hell we met. You know, with you and Tanya in the utility closet at work," she scoffed

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Yeah, Bella, I remember that shit, but can we not talk about it for the sake of my dick?"

She lowered her eyes. "I'm just saying, I didn't see you having a problem with your peen then, Edward."

"Yeah, I'm not a virgin. I've had sex before, so obviously my shit works. I'm trying to say that I want _you_, Bella. That's it. Just you." I gripped her chin, forcing her to look at me. "But I told you already, I don't just want to fuck you, Bella. I will get inside of you eventually, you better believe that shit," I smirked. "But I'm not going anywhere after I do. I want… I want more than that from you."

"Yeah, but you may not once you-"

I gripped her chin tighter. I needed her to understand that as hard as it was for me to fucking admit what I was saying to her, I still meant it. "There's no going back now. I want you. However you are, I want it."

She swallowed thickly. "Edward, I need to tell-"

Apparently telling her wasn't the way to go about it. I was obviously gonna have to show her. I silenced her words with my mouth. "I'm done talking, Bella. I'm going to make you come now."

I led her into the loft. It was pretty decent sized. Definitely decent sized enough for what I was about to do.

There was a small kitchen with a few appliances sitting along the marbled counters, a couch and loveseat made out of some hideous looking navy blue floral pattern – Esme refused to get rid of the shit because they once belonged to her deceased mother - a coffee table in front of the couch and a thirty-two inch television that sat on top of a wooden stand. There was a bedroom off to the right of a hallway that was probably four steps in length, six or seven in width, and a bathroom across from it that was equipped with a shower stall that had glass doors instead of a bathtub.

The bedroom was set up with a bed that had two nightstands on either side of it, a dresser, and of course a television that sat on top of the dresser.

Esme had it decorated up for guests that visited and wanted privacy. Not many people came to visit, so it didn't get much use.

That shit was, however, about to change.

I walked Bella over to the bed, feeling her hand trembling in mine. As soon as we were standing beside the bed, I faced her and pulled her in my arms. I brushed my lips across hers. "You nervous?"

"I've just never done this before. I mean, I don't know what I'm…"

I kissed her. "I told you, I'm not going to force you. If you aren't comfortable with this, we'll go back to the house. I wanna touch you, and I wanna make you feel good, but I'm not going to do that shit if it's not what you really want."I meant that shit too. I would have taken her back to the house and just sat with her.

I leaned forward, brushing my nose along her cheek. "You tell me. Do you want me to touch you, baby?"

She sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled. "I… umm… Yes."

I smiled as I dragged my lips along her jaw, stopping at her ear. "You want me to make you come?"

"Yes," she breathed.

"Come get on the bed with me," I told her.

I climbed on the bed first, and after I was seated on the mattress, I held out my hand to her, helping her beside me. I knew she was nervous, but only because she'd never been touched before. I could see she wanted what I was about to do.

She lay down on her back, so I lay down beside her, pulling her body against mine so we were both resting on our sides. I pressed my lips to hers, starting things off slowly to relax her.

It wasn't until the tension started leaving her body that my tongue entered her mouth. She moaned the second mine brushed against hers. One of her hands came up, fisting her fingers through my hair and pulling me closer. I liked that she was getting into the shit.

I ran my hand gently down her other arm, moving slowly toward her hip. I could have stopped at her hip and went straight for the gold, but I wasn't going to do that shit to her. I wanted to prime her more, get her ready for my touch because I wanted her to enjoy it. Instead, I moved to the small of her back, drawing lazy circles with my fingertips, going no further. I was working her up with my mouth and the feel of my body against hers.

When her mouth started trying to dominate mine, I knew she was ready for me to move things along. I slid my hand down from her back to her ass and gently squeezed the flesh. She moaned into my mouth, so I did it again.

My fingers skimmed along her ass to the underside of her thigh. I hitched her leg up over my waist, leaving her knee lying against my hip bone, then ground my dick into her. "You feel that?" I uttered against her lips.

"Yes," she whimpered.

"You like the way that feels?" I ground my dick into her again, but rotated my hips as I did so, pressing the tip of my cock where I knew her clit was.

I hit the right spot because she moaned loudly. "God, yes."

"Imagine that feeling, but a hundred times better. That's what it's going to feel like once I get inside you. My mouth, my fingers, my cock, they're all gonna make you feel good, Bella."

She groaned loudly as I maneuvered my hand from around her thigh and snaked it between us, trailing my fingers down until they were right between her legs with my hand cupping her pussy, the heel of my palm rotating in a circle against her clit. She was so fucking hot in my hand, even through her shorts. "Please..."

"I know, baby. It feels good, doesn't it? It's going to feel better in just a second."

She closed her eyes. "I… Please, Edward."

"I'm going to touch you now, okay?" I pressed my lips to hers as I moved my hand from between her legs. She whimpered in protest. "I'm not done. I'm still going to make you feel good." I laid her flat on her back, but remained on my side, being held up by my elbow. I brought my hand up to her stomach, pushing the sweatshirt she wore upward. Her eyes shot open, her body immediately stiffened, and her hands came down to stop mine from moving any further. "It's okay, Bella. I'm only going to touch you just like I was doing a second ago, but underneath your shorts, alright?"

She took in a deep breath, her hands loosening their grip over mine. "Okay. Just there, though."

"It'll be just like I told you. I won't do anything that'll hurt you," I promised. "I'll make it good for you." She slowly nodded her head. "Close your eyes, baby, and just feel."

My fingers glided down the smoothness of her stomach, her body practically thrumming under my touch, coming up first underneath the waistband of her shorts, then her underwear. I pushed through the material, and as soon as the tips of my fingers grazed her clit, she gasped. She wasn't hairless, but she definitely trimmed. I brought my mouth to hers, kissing her as I moved my fingers further down.

"Fuck," I groaned as my fingers slid against her wet lips. "You're so wet… and you feel so good against my fingers. Do you know that, Bella? You have no idea how badly I want to be inside that pussy right now."

"Edward," she moaned.

"Shhh," I told her. "Let me take care of you."

And I did.

I circled her opening with my middle finger, barely nudging inside with the tip. Her breathing kicked up a notch.

I continued circling her opening, teasing her, then dipping inside a fraction, putting more of my finger inside her each time. She was so damn tight, and it took every ounce of control I had not to rip my pajama pants down, yank her clothing off, mount her and shove my way inside her so I could feel that tightness around my dick instead of my finger.

I wasn't going to do that, though. Not yet.

I progressed what I was doing with my finger, moving in and out of her slowly, grazing her clit with every other pass, listening to her mewls as I increased the speed. I was building her up, getting her used to what it felt like to have something inside her… because soon enough, it was going to be my dick instead of my finger. I kept it at one finger, though, because I didn't want to hurt her.

I kissed her neck, tasted her lips, nipped at her jaw, ran my tongue along any exposed skin I could reach and whispered dirty shit in her ear, all while I worked that pussy from the inside out. I may have rubbed my dick against her thigh, too, for my own relief, but it wasn't really a conscious move. I couldn't really be responsible for that shit when I was as hard as I was. Not to mention, I had some part of me inside her, so rubbing my dick on her was probably expected.

I knew she was getting close by the way her breathing changed and her body tensed up, but I wasn't doing quite enough to throw her over the edge.

"You look so good lying there with my hand between those legs," I whispered in her ear. "I can tell that you're close. Did you know that shit?" She moaned. "I can. I can feel the way your muscles are tightening around my finger. I bet your nipples have hardened too. I can hear it in the way you're breathing, the way your body is tensing up for it. You're ready for me to make you come, aren't you?"

She didn't respond, other than the moans, but I wanted to hear her say it.

"Tell me. Tell me you want me to make you come, and I'll make it happen."

"Please, Edward," she cried out. Her eyes were closed in tight slits, her body practically shaking against mine with the need for release.

"Please, what? Tell me."

"I want… to…"

"You want to, what?"

"I… Oh God, I want to come."

I nipped at her jaw. "Mmm… That's what I wanted to hear."

I pressed my thumb directly against her clit and began rubbing tight circles along her sensitive flesh. It wasn't long before her back arched, her head pushed back into the pillow, her legs started shaking, and a guttural groan echoed throughout the bedroom.

I didn't stop rubbing her or remove my hand from between her legs until her back was flat against the bed, and her eyes opened to stare over at me. Her hair was a mess, she looked thoroughly worked over, but she was fucking beautiful.

"That was…I don't even…"

I smiled down at her. "Did you like that shit?"

She blushed. "I have no words for that."

"Yeah, orgasms are pretty fucking amazing," I laughed. "And watching you have your first one, especially because I gave it to you, yeah, that shit almost made me come right in my pants." That was no lie.

She glanced around the room, then lowered her eyes to the bed, taking in the blankets that were now messed up. "We destroyed the bed."

I chuckled. "The blankets can be fixed later. Are you okay?"

That was the first time in I couldn't say how long where I asked someone that question, and the answer actually mattered.

"I'm fine, just tired."

"You want to go back to the house?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. Can we maybe lie here for awhile?"

"We can lie here as long as you fucking want."

Truth was, I just wanted to lie there for awhile and hold her, which is exactly what I did. It didn't matter that I was still hard as fuck. I'd take care of that shit later. I also didn't let myself really think about why she would have had a problem with my hand going under her shirt. There was time for that later, too.

Eventually, we'd get up and go inside the house. I'd go in my room, and she'd go into Alice's. But what came later, it had no place in this room with us right now. And the later, it had no goddamn bearing on the fact that right now, I actually felt alive… and felt very protective of Bella.

-OO-OO-

When I stepped out of my bedroom Sunday morning after getting ready for work, Bella was heading out of Alice's room, her bag of clothes and shit she'd brought with her strapped over her shoulder.

"You going home?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. My dad is doing better now. Besides, Alice has plans with Jasper, and you'll be at work, so it's kind of pointless for me to hang out here."

I stepped toward her. "Are you, you know, coming by the store later?"

She smiled at me. "I'd like to, but I have a lot of homework to get caught up on. I was very distracted this weekend."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing her body flush against mine. "Last I checked, you weren't complaining about that shit."

She blushed. "You're right, I wasn't."

Before I realized what she was doing, her arms were around my neck, yanking me toward her as she pressed her lips to mine. This was the first time Bella took the initiative to kiss me first. Admittedly, that shit was hot… and I was now hard.

I pulled my mouth from hers, clearing my throat before things went any further, like fucking her in the hallway. I was well on the verge of that idea becoming a reality. "I've got to go to work, but if you change your mind, you know where I'll be."

There was a glint in her eye, like she was plotting shit. "I know."

She cleared the couple inches distance between us, and I'll be damned if that pink tongue of hers didn't peek out of her mouth and somehow make its way across my bottom lip.

The only thing that stopped me from actually grabbing Bella, pressing her against the wall and fucking her like I initially considered, was the fact that Esme was making her way up the stairs at the precise moment Bella pulled away from me, smirking.

As she passed Esme on the stairs, she acted as if nothing happened. Me? Well, it wasn't that simple for me. I was standing there with a massive fucking erection and the need to scream at Esme for being an unknowing cockblocker.

Bella was so going to pay for that shit, even if it took me all through work to figure out how I was going to make it happen. I made sure she knew, in the form of a text, that paybacks were a bitch.

-OO-OO-

Monday morning came too soon.

After punching my fucking alarm clock, because I hated the bastard, I scratched both sets of fingers through my messy hair, then dragged them roughly down my face, as if doing so would bleed out my frustration.

My body felt pretty rough, probably because it was the first night in a long damn time that I'd fallen asleep without the help of some Patron. The nightmares starring my mom made another guest appearance, like they always did, but the difference this time was that I managed to wake up before I did any adventure walking in my sleep.

It took awhile to go back to sleep. I wasn't even trying, either. As a matter of fact, I was highly against it because I wasn't game for more of the mental pictures that initially woke me up, but my body decided it needed the shit to function, so guess what? I fucking fell asleep.

As stubborn as I knew I was, I probably would have thrown down an insomnia card in my subconscious, you know, like they did that 'get out of jail free' card shit in Monopoly. However, the second things went erotic, like the fact that I had Bella sprawled out on my bed, screaming my name because I was pounding the shit out of that pussy… Well, sleep became my best-fucking-friend.

So, needless to say, when that piece of shit alarm went off and interrupted the sight of dream Bella's come face, I was ready to dick punch someone. And all I got out of it was an aching dick that had no prospect of getting relief from anything other than my own goddamn hand. How did I feel about that? Well, I was so fucking ecstatic I was shitting rainbows.

I still whacked off in the shower, something I was doing so often that had there been any truth to whacking off so much you'd end up blind, my eyeballs would have liquefied from their sockets already.

By the time I was finished in the shower, most of the time spent with my hand around my dick, I had to rush to get ready and make it to school on time. It wasn't that I was anxious about getting to that hell hole for the sake of learning. I was actually hoping I'd see Bella before school started.

As I pulled into the school parking lot, I thought about what happened between us Saturday night. Touching her, making her come, being the first to give her that, it changed something inside of me. It was so much more than watching her experience something sexual for the first time. It was like she was letting me have all these pieces of her, like she saved them just for me. She was awakening, but so was I.

I actually felt like I had touched her soul. I realized then, all this carnality I'd been experiencing, it wasn't just about putting my dick in her, though I really wanted to do that. It was more about everything she made me feel, it hitting me so goddamn hard, and the only way I knew to even deal with it was just to fuck the hell out of her because I was closed off every other way.

She was changing that, though. Isabella Swan was changing every fucking thing.

I searched the lot as I got out of my car. Her truck was parked, but she wasn't inside it. I glanced down at my watch. There was ten minutes before class started, so there was still a chance she was at her locker.

I entered the glass doors, heading straight toward her locker, which incidentally took me past the hallway leading to my locker, but I didn't give a shit. I hadn't seen her since she went home on Sunday, so I was determined to see her.

She was standing there… with Alice. I would have waited until she was alone and shit, but the look on her face, even from the side, showed something was upsetting her. The same urge I felt last night to protect her kicked right the fuck in, pushing my legs to move toward her.

When I was in earshot, the conversation between them stunned me, because they were obviously talking about me.

"You need to tell him then."

"I know." Bella's voice strained. "I tried to tell him, but things ended up happening. And then he…" As Bella paused, Alice saw me, and her mouth dropped open. "I couldn't let him find out that way, not with his fingers. Edward… He just can't find out that way."

This is where I knew for sure I was the main topic of conversation, and this is also where things got interesting. Not only did I learn she was discussing the shit we'd done Saturday night with Alice, but I also learned she was hiding something from me. "What can't I find out?"

Bella spun around, clutching the collar of her turtleneck. The second her eyes locked on my face, tears formed in them. I had no idea what she was hiding from me, but I had a feeling it was some heavy shit, and I also knew I wasn't leaving her fucking locker until I found out what it was.


	11. Chapter 11: Underneath it All

Here we are again. A little nervous about this chapter, but I hope you enjoy!

Lots of love to my wifey, Sophz456, and to my prereaders, Bbebar , j_carroll 7 and shackle_me. I adore you all beyond words.

I wasn't able to answer all my reviews, so for those I didn't get to, I apologize profusely. I'll try to get to them all this chapter. In any case, major love to you all!

There are a few medical terms mentioned in the chapter, but I am not a doctor. I will attempt to be as accurate as I can, but that may not always be the case.

SM owns everything Twilight. The rest of the story is mine.

-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 11: Underneath it All**

"**Maybe"**

**Everlast**

_Maybe you could tell me about your worst fear _

_Don't say it out loud, whisper in my ear _

_Ain't never felt nothing' like this here _

_Maybe you can see things a little more clear _

_Dry away your tear_

**Bella**

After leaving Edward's Sunday, I spent the majority of the day with my parents at home. Charlie was looking much better than he had, returning to his awkward but loveable self.

The time I spent listening to Charlie talk about sports, his aggravation at being sick - which led to time away from work – and Renee talk about the store, it helped distract my mind from Saturday night… at least for a little while. Those moments where it was silent around the house, with me sitting on the couch waiting for someone other than myself to break through the quiet, I replayed what happened over and over with Edward.

I had let Edward touch me in a way no one ever had. Part of me was angry at myself for seeming so easy, because I wasn't easy, but with him I had a hard time saying no. Being with him, even if he still hid away a good portion of himself, it felt right. But as right as it felt, there was something so intense about the way Edward was with me. I believed it was most likely because he'd been so closed off, was still closed off, that he wasn't sure how to control himself emotionally.

And regardless of how much he made me want things I'd really never considered before, I had to draw a line. I had to, because once I gave myself to him, there was no getting back what I gave. I couldn't do that, not without knowing he'd accept me.

Renee had to touch base with the store later in the day, so I offered to prepare dinner. She declined, saying she'd just bring home pizza. Since I wouldn't be cooking, I decided to head upstairs to do the homework I should have already done. I was in the process of writing an essay on the Progressive Reform Movement for Government when my phone chimed. I lifted off my elbows and reached for it, grabbing it off my nightstand.

It was a text from Edward.

_I'm still trying to decide how to punish you for earlier, but be sure I'll figure that shit out._

I chuckled at his assertiveness.

_I'm sure you'll think of something, you know, with all that intelligence you have hidden away. -B_

_Goddamn right I'm intelligent._

_With an ego to match. –B_

_Are you getting cocky with me, Swan?_

God, I wasn't used to this side of Edward. It was so rare, but I enjoyed it when he showed it.

_Now why would I go and do a thing like that? -B_

_I don't know, maybe a momentary lapse of fucking sense._

_Now who's asking for a punishment? _X-( _-B_

_Are you offering?_

_Lol. I'm trying to do an essay right now for Government. You're distracting me. –B_

_Yeah, well, I'm sitting here on break bored as fuck, so I thought I'd bother you. I was, you know, thinking about you._

_Oh, really? And what exactly were you thinking about? –B_

Given that it was Edward I was having a conversation with, I knew that was a loaded question, but I still asked out of curiosity. Renee always said that curious was my middle name.

_What you look like when you come. _

I blushed.

_Is that all you think about? -B_

_No. I thought about how you tasted, too._

What? He didn't-

_You didn't taste me. –B_

_Yes, I did._

_Oh, yeah, my neck. I thought for a minute you… uh… Never mind. -B_

_That's not what I meant, Bella._

_If you're… I think I would have remembered you doing, well, you know. -B_

_What? Can't say the words? Besides, you were dozing off. You wouldn't have remembered shit. _

_I would have remembered you doing __**that**__. -B_

_You think going down on you is the only way to taste you like that? _

_Well, how else would you do it, then?-B_

_How do you think, Bella? I did have my hand on that pussy, and you did come on my finger._

_Fielugusoeio -B_

I hadn't realized I pressed keys and sent them until another text from him came through.

_Enjoy doing that essay, Bella. I'll see you tomorrow. ;)_

I could picture that smirk on his face. Damn him. He'd just delivered my punishment.

-OO-OO-

When I approached my locker, Alice was standing there waiting for me. The smile she gave once she saw me didn't meet her eyes.

"Hey," I said as I stopped beside her. "I didn't hear from you yesterday, did you forget to call me?" I teased.

"No, I just figured you'd like some time with your parents since you hadn't seen them all weekend."

I gripped the lock in my hand, giving her a furtive glance before twisting it to enter the combination. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

I hung my coat up, then leaned against my locker door, facing her. "You don't seem yourself this morning. Are you sure you're okay?"

Her face scrunched up in thought, then she sighed. "You remember that conversation we had, the one about you and Edward talking to each other about your pasts?"

"Yeah," I answered hesitantly.

"I think maybe you should."

"I should what?"

She gazed down at her feet. "Tell him. About your heart, I mean."

"I know what you mean," I told her. "But I just-"

"Look," she cut in. "I woke up Saturday night, bad dream, and saw you weren't in bed. I can only assume you were with Edward. I don't want details or anything like that, but there's obviously something going on between you. Edward, he's different with you. The way he treats you isn't the way he treats the rest of us. He actually talks to you."

"Alice, I'm sorry." I felt unbelievably guilty, because I felt like I was monopolizing what little feeling Edward gave. "I didn't mean to upset-"

She waved me off with her hand. "I'm not blaming you, Bella. It's not your fault at all. I think it's great he's actually feeling something good, you know? He's been so lost for so long, and I miss my brother. I hurt for the guy I know he could be. If you could bring him…" She paused, staring up at me with hopeful eyes.

"You did something the rest of us have tried so hard to do, but couldn't. You reached him, even if it's just a tiny bit. It's just… he's really sketchy about a lot of things now. You never know what's going to set him off. I think… I think if he found out about your transplant before you told him yourself, he might be upset about it. I know it's none of my business, and I know Edward can be a real jerk, but he's still my brother, and I love him. I guess what I'm saying is, I really think you need to tell him the truth if you're going to be with him. And I think he should do the same with you."

I nodded limply. "I know you're right, and I know he needs to know."

"You need to tell him then."

"I know," I choked out. "I tried to tell him, but things ended up happening. And then he…" I wavered, but took in a deep breath as my eyes rested on the books in my locker. "I couldn't let him find out that way, not with his fingers. Edward… He just can't find out that way."

"What can't I find out?" I heard behind me.

The air seized in my lungs, my blood ran cold, and tears immediately pricked the corners of my eyes as I spun around and faced him. He'd heard me.

"Edward," I breathed as the treasonous tears glided down my flushed cheeks.

He stepped toward me, confusion causing his eyebrows to pull together. "What's going on, Bella? What can't I find out?"

I glanced around, horrified, to the other bodies passing in both directions of the hall. They were watching. Of course they would be. A girl crying called attention, and the way the tears rolled down my cheeks, the way I was grasping at my turtleneck like it would magically propel me out of the knee deep disaster I was standing in, made me stand out like one of those neon signs that glowed brightly at night, lighting up the darkened sky around it.

But it wasn't just my reaction. Edward was talking to me. That was news in itself.

"Please," I croaked out while lifting my hand to brush away the tears.

His eyes flickered over to where I was looking. He noticed the others watching. He turned back to me, leaning forward to whisper, fleeting emotion within his eyes. "I obviously wasn't supposed to hear your conversation, but the fact of the matter is I did. You can't just say that shit about me finding out something you're obviously hiding, then expect me to not want to know what it is when it's about me. You need to talk to me, Bella."

"I… can't-"

"Bella, I want to-"

"Edward," Alice interrupted harshly. It was the first time I'd ever heard her raise her voice to him, but the way she stood grounded showed she was willing to risk a verbal lashing. "You overheard her, and I get you want to know, but don't you push her to give you what you want in this hallway with all these people watching. Don't you do that to her."

His eyes lifted from me to her. He gaped at her, his jaw strained, lips set in a tight line. I was waiting for him to berate her, but instead, he exhaled a heavy breath and was once again staring at me. "Come outside with me."

I glanced around. "But we're already inside, and class will-"

"We have time," he cut in. "Just come outside with me for a few minutes."

I nodded numbly, not even sure why I was agreeing, and grabbed my coat, saying goodbye to Alice – who remained at my locker watching Edward and me cautiously – before following Edward out the doors to the parking lot.

Neither of us said a word, not until we were down the stairs and standing beside another student's car because that's where Edward abruptly stopped. He searched the lot, then spun around, immediately looking at my face.

"So?" he questioned. "What am I not supposed to know, Bella?"

I lowered my head, my hair practically blanketing my face now, wishing I could crawl within myself and hide. I think I felt colder inside than the chill of air around us. "Can we just-"

"You don't get to do that shit right now," he interrupted, lifting my chin so I couldn't hide my eyes. "Don't fucking hide from me. Not now." He was actually pleading with me. "I heard you. I heard you say there was shit I couldn't find out, and I want to know what it is."

"Please don't," I whispered, hot tears of anguish sliding down my cheeks.

He shook his head. "Why are you hiding from me?"

"It can wait until after school. We'll talk then."

"I'm not going to sit and let this shit fucking eat at me all day. We'll just-" he paused, glancing toward his car, then gripped my hand like he meant to take me to it. His eyes lowered to our joined hands, widening, before making their way back to mine. "You're fucking shaking. Did something happen to… What the fuck is going on, Bella?"

This was the first time I noticed actual fear in Edward's eyes. My reactions were no doubt freaking him out.

"I can't do this here, Edward. Not here at school."

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple visibly rising with the motion. "Then we'll leave right now and talk, okay? We can't just let… We agreed we wouldn't hide from each other, we'd be honest, but you're already keeping shit from me, and I want to know why."

I felt a rush of anger surge through me. Maybe it was wrong to be angry, because he was right, but I was still angry because I wasn't the only one concealing anything. It was a two-way street.

"That's rich coming from you," I spat. "Because I'm pretty positive I'm not the only one keeping secrets, Edward Cullen."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

The green of his irises darkened with ire, nearly faltering the words I was about to speak. I looked away, clearing my throat. "You can't tell me you have no secrets from me. You'd be lying if you said otherwise."

He grabbed my chin, turning me to face him. "I might have secrets and shit, Bella, but none that involve you. The one you're trying to avoid discussing, that involves me."

"I told you," I started, swallowing roughly to quelch the nausea rolling my stomach. "I can't talk about this here."

"But you're going to talk about it, right?"

"Well, I… We're at school."

He reached for my hand, clasping his cool fingers around mine, and pulled me toward his car. "Then we'll leave and discuss it somewhere else."

"We can't just leave," I gasped.

"Watch and fucking see," he answered firmly, his grip tightening on my hand.

I pulled against him, aiming to stop his attempt at getting me to his car. "Edward, we can't just leave."

He turned around, standing just inches from me. Even with the cool air whipping around us, I could feel the heat of his body permeating mine. "Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?" he growled. "This right here…" He pointed between him and me. "This is important enough to deal with right now."

I blinked perpetually, startled by the edge to his voice. I wasn't afraid of him, only afraid of what would happen once he knew about my scar and how I'd gotten it. Even still, as the fear that what we'd begun was coming to an end shredded its way icily through my veins, every cell of my being recognized him, recognized how close he was, and sparked heatedly, demanding the few inches of space between us to cease to exist. I bit into my lip as I attempted to curb my body's reaction to being so close to him. "We're already at school. We'll talk, but it can wait until-"

He stepped even closer, putting his body flush against mine. He stared down at me, his warm breath ghosting across my skin as he spoke. "Yeah, and we're already late, so what's the difference? We might as well make the most of it, right? You have shit to tell me, and I think while we have the opportunity to discuss it alone, we need to fucking take it."

I knew he was right, about the lack of time alone, anyway; we'd both be working later. He needed to know the truth, I knew that, and given what we'd already done together – I blamed my traitorous body and his unbelievable dirty talk, to which I almost wondered if he had a doctorate in that subject – it was only a matter of time before he found out.

I mean, the hourglass had already tipped the moment we decided to give in to what was happening between us, but now that he'd overheard me admitting I was keeping something from him, the sand ran dry. I was out of time.

I didn't want him finding out any way but me telling him, yet I knew once I did I'd lose him. And God I didn't want to lose him. As frustrating as he was, I wanted to keep him… if I had him at all.

Everyone had a breaking point, and my baggage on top of his was most certainly a breaking point.

But it was fight or flight time, right? Be a coward or hold my head up and bare my soul.

I guess if I was going to lose him, I may as well do it with my back straight, standing on my own two feet and with some dignity. But I was scared shitless. I was so damn scared to open myself up like that. Once he knew, if he looked at me with disgust, I'd-

_Never let him break you_, the voice inside my head chimed. _Your own heart couldn't take you out. Don't let him_.

_Too little too late_, I mentally replied back.

He was going to break me. Of that I was positive.

"Alright," I acquiesced. "But maybe I should drive my truck?" I didn't want to be stranded if things ended up going how I expected them to.

"Why is that? Are you thinking about running, Bella?" He was gauging my reaction.

I shook my head. "That's not… I wasn't-"

"We'll take my car." The finality in his tone left no room for argument.

We cleared the distance to his car, his heavy steps echoing off the hard pavement, and he opened the passenger door for me, shutting it after I climbed inside.

Once he was seated behind the wheel, he started the car, immediately turning on the heat. "It shouldn't take long to warm up. The motor isn't completely cold yet."

It was casual talk, mostly to clear the air of tension, but despite the effort behind it, it was still fruitless.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he pulled out of the lot.

His eyes remained on the road. "To my house. Carlisle's working a double shift, so he won't be home until late, and Esme will be in Port Angeles until five helping some friend with their shop."

"Are you sure we should go there?"

His head briefly turned my way, but it was long enough to see the exasperation on his face. "Bella, I'm not sitting in my fucking car, feeling caged in, while having a conversation with you that's obviously going to be heavy. I'd rather do that shit at my house where I can at least move around."

I shouldn't be surprised by his reaction. I supposed I'd be responding the same way if I were him, but it still hurt.

"Why are you being like that?" I whispered.

"Why are you being so secretive?" he shot back, and boy did the tone of his voice sting. I blinked away the tears that formed, but he saw them. "Fuck, I'm sorry, okay? I just… I don't like feeling like this. There's this weight on my chest right now, and things just started for you and me. I don't like feeling like I'm going to los-" he paused, running his free hand through his mussed hair. "I'm not doing this in the car. Let's talk about shit when we get to my house."

My head dropped forward, focusing on the way my hands fumbled nimbly in my lap. It was the only thing I could do to try to soothe the nerves. Talking was out of the question, considering I was about to do a lot of that. I needed the quiet, but minus the trepidation it provoked. I was pretty much left with no option but to drift along in my own anxiety. I wondered how it would play out if the roles were reversed.

_They are_, my mind reminded. _He just doesn't realize you know_.

After he pulled up in front of the house, he let the car idle for a moment before he turned it off. I opened my door first, he got out right after.

He never said a word as we walked toward the backdoor, and he remained silent as he inserted the key to unlock the door. He threw his keys on the counter top when we stepped inside, the heavy metal making a clanking sound against the marble, but his feet never stopped until he reached the fridge. He opened the door, grabbing two waters, then started moving again.

I thought we'd end up in the living room, but he moved right to the stairs, heading up them. I followed behind him, biting my lip as the unease soured my stomach even more.

He opened his bedroom door, allowing me to go in first. I took a few steps inside, gazing around the room. He had a full size bed against the right wall, a nightstand beside it. To the left of the bed was a closet. Sitting against the sectioned window that was nearly the expanse of the far wall was a small wooden desk, cluttered with papers, a desk lamp and a laptop. Across from his bed was a television stand lined with electronics. Adjacent to the stand on the left side was a bathroom, a book shelf bound with books and music on the right. The only thing unkempt about the room was his desk.

"You can have a seat on the bed." He strode past me toward his desk where he hung his jacket on the computer chair.

I stared at the back of his head as I shuffled toward the bed. My shaking hands went immediately to my lap as I sat down along the edge. A few seconds later, he was seated beside me. He was watching me, but didn't say a word, not until I finally turned my head to look at him.

He handed me one of the water bottles, and I gripped it tightly within my hands before setting it on the nightstand. "What's going on, Bella?"

"Right to the point," I sighed.

"We're passed all the shit, so what else is there?"

I glanced around, like I'd find something in his room that would somehow save me. "This is the first time I've been in your room. I didn't realize it was so big."

I caught his movement from the corner of my eye. He gripped my chin, making me face him. "Stop avoiding the question."

I inhaled a stunted breath, my eyes watering over. "I don't know if I can do this," I whispered.

"Well, we aren't leaving here until we get this shit figured out between us."

"You're so bossy," I mumbled.

He smirked. "That shit may be true for the most part, but this is worth being bossy over, so let's talk, alright?"

"You won't want… I really should have brought my truck." I bit my lip nervously, clenching my eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.

"You said that earlier," he remarked. "So tell me why you keep saying that."

"Because you won't want me here."

"Why?"

I turned my head away. "Because you won't."

"Don't do that. Don't hide from me, Bella." His finger was under my chin, urging me to look at him again. "Tell me why."

My bottom lip was trembling as much as my hands. "Because I'm not…"

"You're not what?"

"Don't make me stand on that ledge alone, Edward," I pleaded. I felt a lone tear escape and travel down my cheek. "Please don't do that."

"I don't even know what fucking ledge we're on here, Bella." He pinched the bridge of his nose before running his hands through his hair while shifting on the bed. "I don't know what's going on. I'm trying to figure it out, but you just won't give, and it's driving me goddamn crazy. You said earlier there was something I couldn't find out, now you're saying once I do I'll want you gone, but I'm saying that you need to let me decide that shit."

I remained silent.

"Are you… are you in some kind of trouble?"

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of that question, considering I basically didn't go anywhere before moving to Forks, and even now, I mostly just went to school and work. "No, I'm not in any kind of trouble."

"Well, did someone hurt you?" He sounded pissed when he asked that question. "Did you see something you shouldn't? Are you in that witness protection program or some shit?"

I actually did laugh this time. "No, it's nothing like that."

"Then what is it? And why can you tell Alice but not me?"

I scooted back, pulling my right leg up, resting my hand on my calf. "It's about me, okay? It's just… it's personal."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Bella, I had my fucking hand down your pants. My finger was inside you, so I think we're way past personal."

"That's different. This is… it's made me-" I couldn't continue.

"Fuck, Bella," he growled. His patience was wearing thin. "I'm really trying here. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to be yelling at you and shit, but I feel like we're going in circles here. Everything you say is cryptic, and I have no idea what to make of it. I need you to talk to me."

"I'm scared," I choked out.

"You need to trust me."

If my own fear hadn't been eating at me, maybe I would have recognized the significance of his statement.

I wiped at my tears. "I'm not… uh…"

"Bella." Another plea.

"I'm not whole, okay!" I shouted.

His eyes widened, like he was trying to process what I'd just said so he could understand the meaning. "What? I don't know what you mean."

I stood from the bed, moving toward the window. I didn't care that the tears were falling relentlessly now. I was hoping the ache they carried with them would swallow me up.

As I gazed out at the mass of trees behind his house, littered with fallen snow, I wished I was standing anywhere but where I was. But no matter how much I wished to be anywhere else, I was right there in Edward's bedroom where he was waiting for an answer.

"My heart," I whispered. God, it hurt to say the word, to open my soul and let him see things inside me I didn't want him of all people to see. Not him. He'd told me I was beautiful, and that had been a hard pill to swallow at first. I'd never been beautiful to anyone before, but he'd made me feel beautiful, and I just wanted to be beautiful to him a little while longer. Unfortunately, once I started, I couldn't stop. That's what happens when you bare your soul. It comes bleeding out, demanding to be heard. "It's not really mine."

I felt him behind me. My body was so damn responsive to his. "I really don't understand what you're telling me here."

I turned around, swallowing down my sobs, but I refused to wipe away the tears now. I was going to own my grief. "The heart in my chest, I wasn't born with it."

"What?" I thought his eyes were going to pop right out of their sockets.

I turned back to the window. I felt a sense of ease, like I wasn't boxed in, while surveying the forest beyond Edward's yard. It was such a vast, open space, and I mentally projected myself there. "Because of Cardiomyopathy, meaning my heart was diseased, I had to have a transplant. I have a scar down the center of my chest that starts below my breasts and stops a few inches under my collar bone. I have to take immunosuppressive medication everyday for it. Once you have a transplant, you deal with the repercussions for the rest of your life. You have a reminder every day.

"My illness, it's why my parents and I moved here, why they took over the store. They… uh… they went bankrupt trying to take care of me, and they needed the money."

"You're not… you're not dying now, are you?" I heard the strain in his voice, especially when he said the word 'dying'. I imagined the color was probably drained from his face, too.

I shook my head, making out his reflection in the glass. I mused on how my soul was literally as see through as he appeared to be in the window. "I'm not dying, Edward. Not today, anyway. That's why I had the transplant."

"When did you-"

"Almost two years ago," I answered flatly.

"Carlisle is a doctor and shit, but I don't know much about medicine. But I do… uh… I do remember hearing people who've had a transplant don't live all that long after. Is that right?"

"It varies with each person. There have been recipients who have lived longer than ten years. There's one living now who had a transplant thirty years ago."

"Yeah, but you're going to..." He sounded so distant.

"Die? Eventually, yes. We all die, Edward. When it's our time, we die, and there's nothing anyone can do about it."

"God could change it." His tone was bitter.

"It's not that simple."

He cursed, and I sighed, turning around. The shoe just dropped. "I can't even…. Fuck!"

As I stared at him, I recognized what I was seeing there. "I see the look in your eye, and I know exactly what that means. I knew exactly what would happen once I told you. Now that you know I'm not perfect, that I'll never be perfect, you can tell me to leave."

"What? I can't believe… Look, I'm not going to say it doesn't shock the hell out of me, because it does, but you're seriously misreading shit."

"Well, if it's pity I see, then I really don't need that either."

"I don't fucking pity you, Bella. I just don't do well with… I'm not good with death." His obvious disdain for death was evident in the way he said the word.

Was that the kiss-off I was waiting for? I assumed so, I knew I should leave now, but I responded to him, even with the bitter taste of dread on my tongue. I cared too much already. "A lot of people aren't good with death, but it's a part of life."

I watched his eyes shift to the window, and as I stared at him, I really saw him now, saw how my truth drew out the vulnerability of his. He had a heavy heart, one that weighed him down by the pain he carried inside. Because of that, because of what he knew about me now, he wasn't going to be able to let me in. That was the ledge I was talking about. I'd jumped it alone, and I'd land it alone, too.

"I'll go," I uttered.

He didn't say anything as I moved past him, each step heavier than the last. How ironic that was, considering I felt like I was leaving more of myself behind with each step away from him.

I reached the door knob, gripping it within my shaking hand, when the sound of his voice draped over me. "I don't want you to go, Bella."

My hand gripped the door handle tighter. He came up beside me, removing my hand, clasping his around mine, then pulled me back to the bed. Since Saturday, he'd been so different with me, more resolved somehow.

"I don't know what the fuck to say. I got shit going on in my head that's not about… I just know I don't want you to leave. Letting you walk out feels wrong."

"You don't have to say anything. This isn't your burden to carry."

"Is that why you didn't want to tell me?"

I shook my head. "I didn't want to know what you'd think of me afterward."

He rubbed his forehead, like he was trying to massage away the creases that began during our conversation. "So you thought I'd hate you or some shit?"

"I'm scarred, Edward. My body will always be imperfect. I refuse to look at you and see disgust because of that."

"No one's perfect. We all have scars, Bella."

I hmphed. "Not like this they don't."

"You'd be surprised," he mumbled. I didn't answer back, because he was right. Some scars you couldn't see, they were soul deep, but that didn't mean they didn't maim you. Edward's scars were soul shredders.

He observed me for a moment before scooting closer to me. "Let me see it."

"What?" I gripped my turtleneck.

He was determined, that was obvious. "I want to see what you think is so damn hideous."

I shook my head frantically. I felt panicked. "I can't. I'm not ready to sh-"

He placed his hand against my chest, and I flinched. "Then let me touch it. You're not ready to show me, I get that, but let me touch it at least."

"Edward, I-"

"Let me," he pleaded. "I'm an asshole, Bella, we know that, but I'm not a fucking asshole."

His eyes stayed with mine, but his hand slowly trailed down until it reached the hem of my shirt. When his fingers moved underneath my shirt, coming in contact with my skin, I tensed. I had to close my eyes the further up they moved because I couldn't bring myself to look at him out of fear of what I might see.

As his fingers grazed the bottom of my scar, my breath caught. I felt suffocated, like I was being held under water. I was terrified of what he might be thinking.

He trailed up the expanse of the scar slowly, like he was trying to learn each blemished edge. He was quiet for such a long time, but he kept touching, kept exploring my scar.

"It's soft," he whispered.

"It's ugly," I croaked.

My emotions made me so transparent, and I was failing miserably at shutting them down. I hated that because I needed some kind of dignity to hold on to if I had to walk out of his house not wanted anymore.

The silence grated my insides. He was so quiet, and I was mentally on bended knee, begging for some kind of response, regardless of what it might be. Finally, I received one.

"It's part of you. And I happen to think you're fucking beautiful."

That final wall blocking my emotions crumbled, scattering into thousands of pieces, and I became a sobbing mess. But Edward wrapped himself around me gently, promising that he didn't see me any differently, that my scar wouldn't make me any less beautiful to him, that he meant what he said when he told me he wanted me however I was.

I was wrong, the shoe hadn't fallen yet, but that didn't mean it still wouldn't.

-OO-OO-

It was the following Friday, over a week since I told Edward about my transplant, and I sat at the lunchroom table across from him, picking at my food when I wasn't watching him from my peripherals. The most physical he'd been with me was holding my hand, and that was mostly when we were alone. Everyone pretty much knew there was something going on between us – I ended up with some nasty remarks aimed in my direction from Bree Roberts, some of her friends and strawberry blonde while at work – because we didn't deny it, but neither of us were really comfortable with PDA. He was, however, different with me, and the change in him had me on edge.

It wasn't about sex, because I wasn't really sure that I was ready to take that step with him, but shit, I expected something more than what was happening or lack thereof. I'd just appreciate warm arms around me, embracing me in a strong hug, instead of the loose grab he gave. He wasn't being himself. He wasn't being Edward.

In my mind, that was conclusive to him being disgusted by me. The signs were there, what with the whole barely touching thing. But I'd catch him staring at me, looking me up and down or watching my lips while I talked, and I'd swear when I stole a glance into his eyes before he had time to blink or turn away, there was hunger within them, like he wanted so much more than hand holding.

He was like a coin, but I never knew which side was flipped up, and the second I thought maybe I had it figured out, he'd do something to prove me wrong. I was so damned confused by the way he was acting.

I kept waiting for things to change back, thinking maybe he just needed some time to adjust to what he learned about me, because it was a bit shocking to learn, but I wasn't so sure it was that anymore. I mean, it had been eleven days. Maybe it had to do with me, that he couldn't get past the scar. But I was still the same person I'd been before I told him.

I sighed loudly as I dropped my fork on my tray. Everyone's eyes landed on me, but I avoided only one set, though I could feel him watching me.

"Hey, spitfire," Emmett said. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, just having a bit of an off day." I stood up, grabbing my tray. "I'll see you guys later, I'm going to class."

I still felt Edward's eyes on me as I left the lunchroom.

As soon as Edward took his seat beside me in Biology he leaned to his side, whispering, "What's wrong with you?"

I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the front of the class. "I'm fine. We'll talk later." The sound of the bell saved me from any more communicating. There was no way I was having that discussion with him in school, and thankfully, he didn't push me to.

I didn't have to work that evening, so I didn't see him again until I arrived at the store to pick up my check. I waited to do so until right before he got off work. Not knowing what was going on with him had pretty much frayed my last nerve, eating at my insides, and I needed to know where we stood. I had to know before stopping myself from falling in love with him was no longer a possibility. It probably already was, anyway.

I followed behind him as he was leaving, heading through the backroom to clock out. I waited until he punched his timecard and placed it back in its slot before I started speaking.

"Am I that disgusting to you that you don't want to do anything but occasionally hold my hand?"

He stopped where he stood, spinning around. "What?" he asked incredulously.

I stepped toward him. "I know I'm not beautiful, and my scar makes it-"

He pushed me toward the exit, slamming the door hard behind him, and he didn't stop until we were shielded behind the far wall of the building from prying eyes.

"Let's get one thing straight," he demanded. He was towering over me, eyes blazing green fire. "You are fucking beautiful, so don't say that shit. Your scar doesn't change that."

"If that were true, why don't you really hug me?"

He turned his head, giving me a sideways glance. "I hug you."

I shook my head. "No, you kinda just place your arms on me, lean in, then pull away. You don't have to be with me, Edward, if that's what this is about. If you don't want me, then-"

The next thing I knew, I was pinned between the brick wall of the building and Edward's body. "You think I don't want you?" he growled. "I want you so fucking bad I'm about to lose my goddamn mind, Bella."

My eyes were on his mouth as I spoke. "Then why are you…" I trailed off.

He took a step back, but lifted his hand, wrapping one of my curls around his pointer finger, his knuckles lightly brushing against my breast. "I can't… I don't want to hurt you."

"Are you… are you serious right now? You're treating me just like my parents, like I'm an invalid who's too weak to be touched," I accused. "I had a transplant, Edward, but that doesn't mean I'm fucking breakable."

He was becoming frustrated. I knew that feeling all too well. "You might not be breakable, but I… In case you haven't noticed, I have a hard time controlling myself around you, even more now that I've already touched you. I want you too much. That's what makes this so fucking hard. I've never felt like… I won't be the one to cause you any pain, or do something that might-"

"Oh, yeah, because this is about protecting me, right? You're such a martyr for it."

"I'm trying to explain why I-"

"I don't need you to explain," I interjected. "I get it. I've been introduced to your explanation for nearly two weeks now. But just so you get it, I don't need your protection, I don't need you or anyone else telling me what I can or can't handle. You said you wouldn't treat me differently, but you are. I'm so tired of that. I think I know what my body can manage, so you can take your protection and shove it right up your ass!"

There was no longer any distance between us. His eyes smoldered as he looked down at me, his lips turning up on one side in a mocking smirk. "You have no idea the shit going on inside my head that I want to do to you, but I don't want to hurt you."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please."

"You don't get it, do you? You make me need you in a way that I've never needed anything." He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply, his nose flaring with the effort. "I fucking crave you. Touching you in any way is too tempting, and I won't be able to stop myself, not when I now know what it's like just to hold you. I don't want to be the cause of something-"

"You're being ridiculous, and it's only going to push me away. I'm not going to fall apart in your arms."

"The way I feel about you, Bella, I won't be gentle if I touch you."

I stood defiant against him, raising my voice. "Maybe I don't want you to be."

"Don't test me," he warned.

"Don't be a prude," I countered.

I knew I was pushing him, but damn it, I was seriously pissed off, and I was tired of being treated like a child, like I was some delicate china doll that would shatter into a million pieces so easily.

His face flushed red with anger. "Did you just call me a fucking prude?"

I could actually hear his control snapping, so I shrugged, adding, "Well, if the shoe fits." as the final blow.

Before I had time to finish exhaling, the button of my jeans was popped, and one of Edward's hands was down the front of them, pushing underneath the elastic of my boyshorts. When his fingers grazed my heated flesh, I moaned. "Would a prude do that shit?" His voice was gritty, the tone of his voice and touch of his hand igniting a need so deep within me, I felt like I might combust. He pushed a finger inside me. "Would a prude fuck you with their finger?"

I closed my eyes. My senses were on overdrive, every part of my body heating further, every nerve ending sparking with pleasure. His lips were on mine, mimicking the pace of his finger, which was quite frenzied. He never stopped until I was crying out into his mouth as I climaxed.

I could almost swear that he whispered, "How do you… You're all I want." as he pulled his lips from mine, but I wasn't positive I heard right, considering I was still seeing spots behind my eyes; I was lacking a bit of coherency.

He pressed his forehead against mine, his breaths coming out in quick bursts as he groaned out like he was in pain. "Are you… happy now, Bella?" I didn't answer him, other than whimpering when he removed his hand from inside my jeans. "Button your jeans, we're leaving."

My eyes snapped open. "What? Where are we going?"

I'd barely pushed the button through the fabric to clasp my jeans shut when he grabbed my hand and pulled me beside him. "You made your point, you had to be stubborn, you couldn't let shit go, and you pushed me too fucking far. Congratulations, you're about to get exactly what you want."


	12. Chapter 12: Point to Prove

It's been a really long time since I updated. RL has been very difficult and rough for me, and it's made me question a lot, including my writing. I still have things I'm dealing with, but I appreciate so much that all of you have been amazingly supportive. I wanna start by thanking my wifey, Sophy, for being the amazing, supportive person she is. She's my dearest friend, and I could not have done this chapter or gotten through a lot of what I have without you, bb. I also want to thank my prereaders; Bbebar, shackle_me and j_carroll7. These three women take the time to look over my chapters, are wonderful friends, and I appreciate them so much. To all my twitter girls, I adore you, and thank you for making me smile when I wasn't sure I could. To my readers, thank you for sticking with me. It's because of you I'm here right now.

I really hope you enjoy the chapter.

Everything Twilight is owned by SM. I own the rest.

-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 12: Point to Prove**

**Please Don't Go**

_All those arrows you threw, you threw them away_

_You kept falling in love, then one day_

_When you fell, you fell towards me_

_When you crashed in the clouds, you found me_

_Oh, please don't go_

_I want you so_

_I can't let go_

_For I lose control_

**Edward**

Shit had changed some between Bella and me once I learned about her transplant. It wasn't that I looked at her differently, at least not in a bad way. She'd shared more than just words about her past, she'd shared a part of her soul, something I probably didn't deserve, but she did it anyway. That was the moment she became so much more to me. She was always beautiful, damn beautiful, but the thing was, her soul made her more so, and no amount of imperfections would change that shit. It's why I chose to take my time with her.

I knew she deserved better than me constantly wanting to fuck her, though I did want to constantly fuck her, truth be told. But I decided I was done being a hormonal prick around her all the time, even if my dick didn't always agree, but I digress. I was trying to do the right thing.

However, she decided otherwise.

She had to go pushing, accusing me of treating her differently, like she was breakable. She didn't think I wanted her. And there was a point when I tried not to want her, tried to shut off the shit she made me feel, but she made her mark anyway, regardless of what I thought I wanted.

Next thing I knew, I had my hand down her pants, fucking her with my finger until she came, then I was dragging her toward my car. It's a good thing she didn't fight me, because I probably would have thrown her over my shoulder like a caveman.

I kept Bella's hand clasped tightly in mine as I moved. She kept up pace with me. "Edward, where are you taking me? And what about my truck?" she asked. "I can't just-"

"Leave the fucking thing. We'll get it later."

I didn't give a shit about anything but proving a point. I wanted her so goddamn bad, but I never wanted to hurt her… physically or emotionally. She thought I saw weakness when I looked at her, saw nothing but the scar on her chest, but she couldn't have been more fucking wrong. She was a survivor, the strongest person I knew, and she'd become too important to me now. I wanted to do shit right where she was concerned, show her she was so much more than a fucking body to me, but she had to second guess me, and I was so tired of her second guessing how I felt about her.

She put up a little resistance, but I wasn't having that shit. Not now. "But, Edward, I can't-"

Before she could finish speaking, I had her back pressed against the passenger side door, my body against hers, keeping her from being able to move away. "Are you really fucking worried about your truck, Bella?" I thrust my hips forward, pressing my dick into her stomach, replacing her words with moans. "Yeah, I didn't think so. See, you think you got shit figured out, but you don't."

"What…" she swallowed thickly. "What are you saying?"

I smirked down at her. "You had to push, and you couldn't just let me do shit my own way. You want to know how much I want you, what you fucking do to me, how much you make me burn inside for you?" I leaned forward, running my nose along her jaw. I could literally hear her heart beating within her chest. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?" She whimpered. "I know it is, and I'm gonna show you exactly how much I want you, Bella."

She blinked perpetually, then licked her lips before speaking. "Edward, I-"

I took a step back. "Get in the car."

Surprisingly, she did as I asked, but those angel eyes of hers still questioned me. I was about to change that shit.

I moved around to the driver side, my body humming with the need to just touch her. To feel her skin under my fingertips had become a fucking addiction. I could spend days touching her smooth skin, gliding my fingers along the softness of her body. I didn't have to be inside her to love the way she felt, though I had every intention of being inside her… _a lot_.

"Where are we going?" she asked the moment I sat behind the wheel.

I didn't answer until I was making my way out of the parking lot. "I'm taking you to my bed, Bella."

"What?" she squeaked. "There's your family, and we can't-"

I reached across the center console and placed my hand on her thigh, giving her a sideways glance and smirk. "No one's home and they won't be until tomorrow. Alice went to Rosalie's, and Esme and Carlisle are doing that anniversary shit tonight, so we have all fucking night." I drug my hand slowly up her thigh, making her moan as I got closer to her pussy. "There's no one around to hear you scream when I make you come."

The remainder of the drive, I kept my hand on her thigh, occasionally brushing my fingers over the seam of her jeans right between her legs. It was driving her crazy. I could see it in the way her fingers dug into the seat with every pass of mine. And the noises she made as I touched her made it almost impossible not to pull over and fuck her in her seat. How the hell I made it to my house without doing just that was a miracle.

Her car door opened just as I put the car in park, and I grinned as I opened my door and climbed out. I walked behind her as we approached the house, watching the way she moved her body with each step. I didn't say a word as I unlocked the door, but glanced in her direction long enough to see her biting her lip. We went inside, heading straight up the stairs.

The second my bedroom door was shut, I had her pressed against the wall beside it, my mouth covering hers. She moaned and wrapped her arms around my neck, her fingers running through my hair, as I held her against me, her body practically melting into mine.

"I'm gonna do things to that body of yours they probably don't even have names for," I warned. I meant that shit too.

She whimpered against my lips. I brought my hands down slowly, grazing my fingers along her sides, making sure to brush the sides of her breasts as I did so. When I reached the hem of her shirt, I gripped the fabric in my hands and started to pull up, but she immediately removed her lips from mine while trying to pull away.

She shook her head. "Edward, I'm not ready for you to see-"

I placed my hand against her cheek. "It's okay, baby. We got time for that."

Instead, I wrapped my arms around her waist and walked her to my bed, laying her back, my body covering hers as her back hit the mattress.

I wanted to see all of her, but I knew she wasn't ready yet, so I kissed her lips until her body relaxed, then made my way down her body, using my mouth to nip at her concealed skin as my fingers trailed behind.

She didn't pull away when I reached her jeans and unbuttoned them, and though I could tell she was nervous, she knew I'd never hurt her. I pulled them down her thighs slowly, until they were tossed on my floor.

My eyes took in every inch of her I could see. She wasn't naked, but she was laying there in just a turtleneck and panties. I'd never seen someone so damn beautiful.

"So sexy," I murmured.

I bent forward, lifting her shirt just enough so I could kiss a trail down her stomach, stopping right above her pubic bone where I planted a light kiss there.

"It would be a motherfucking crime not to taste you right now, and I don't wanna just taste you all over my fingers, Bella."

"Oh God," she moaned as her tiny hands wrapped themselves in my hair. Her chest rose and fell with staccato breaths. She was so turned on, I could actually smell how fucking aroused she was. I wanted to bury my nose in that scent and inhale her until her essence was permanently etched into my memory.

I smiled up at her. "Don't worry, angel eyes, I'm gonna make you feel so good."

I curled my fingers underneath the elastic of her panties and pulled up on my knees, causing her hands to drop to her sides and fist the sheet instead. I drug the fabric slowly down her thighs as I moved, watching her body tremble in anticipation of what I was going to do to her. I wanted to be able to see that pussy clearly the moment the clothing was gone.

I groaned loudly the second skin and a light dusting of hair came into view, making me so damn hard it was painful. "Fuck, baby, you're so goddamn beautiful." You'd think I'd never seen a pussy before, but this wasn't just any pussy I was looking at. It was Bella's. My angel eyes.

Her breathing picked up as I stared at her, her cheeks flushed red as I opened her legs to get a better look. I was willing to bet that blush spread down her chest too, but I couldn't see because of her shirt. In time, she'd come to trust me with that. In time, I'd make her realize how sexy I found her - scar or no scar.

She started closing her legs while clutching the bottom of her shirt, but I stopped her, feeling the strain in her limbs as she fought me. "Don't, baby. You don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed. You're perfect." I leaned forward, but kept from touching her with any part of me but my hand as I placed it where I knew her scar was. "You're so fucking perfect."

"Edward," she breathed. "I'm not-"

"Don't," I told her. "I want you so much. Every single part of you."

Her eyes closed, and the echo of her breathing became louder through the room, but she didn't say anything more.

I settled myself back between her legs, my face so close to her pussy I knew she could feel my breath on her skin because her body shivered the second I exhaled. She was so fucking wet, her lips glistened under the reflection of the dim lighting in my room from the yard lights outside. I wanted to taste her. I couldn't think of anything but the taste of her on my tongue.

I inched forward, whispering, "I'm gonna taste you now."

Her warm flesh brushed lightly against my lips before my tongue came out, grazing her clit. Her body jerked at the contact, and she let out this guttural moan. I wasn't prepared. I was not motherfucking prepared for how she'd taste. "Oh, Jesus," I groaned, pulling back long enough to lick my lips and coat my mouth with the taste of her. "Holy shit."

And then I couldn't stop myself. I was too far gone to do anything my bury my face in her warmth.

I had to taste every part of her. I nipped and sucked at her clit, then circled her opening before pushing my tongue inside her, going as deep as I could with my mouth. She was moaning and writhing against me, grinding against my face. Her fingers were digging into my scalp, but I was lost in her, lost in the way she tasted.

"Does that feel good, baby?" I asked against her. She moaned, but I wanted to hear her tell me she liked what I was doing to her. I needed her to say that shit. "Say it. Tell me if it feels good."

"Yes," she moaned. "It feels… so good.

I replaced my tongue with my fingers, pushing inside her with one then two fingers as my mouth continued to taste between her legs. The way she was moving, I knew she was getting close, so I picked up the pace of my fingers and mouth, working her until she gasped loudly. She went still a couple seconds before her entire body shuddered.

"Oh, m-my God." Her voice was shaky as she spoke. I didn't stop fucking her with my mouth or fingers until her body stopped trembling from her orgasm.

I sat up on my knees, licking my lips completely of the taste of her. I moved up her body slowly, kissing her, trying to make her feel in my touch what she had come to mean to me.

I was so hard, I wanted to be inside her right that minute, but I wanted to take my time, make everything enjoyable for her.

"You tasted so good, angel eyes." I kissed her lips softly, just being gentle with her.

"I want to… I want to feel you." At first I thought she meant inside her, and I certainly wasn't opposed to that, but then her hand moved between us, traveling down my stomach, only to stop before she touched my dick. Her eyes met mine, asking for permission. "Can I touch you?"

I wanted her to, God did I want her to, but there was this voice that began inside my head as I looked into her eyes. I was trying to ignore it, the sound echoing off distorted shit I knew I didn't want to hear. "You don't have to do-"

"I want to," she interrupted.

I exhaled loudly, then unzipped my pants, sitting up long enough to pull them down my legs. I started to lie beside her, but she stopped me. "No, I don't want you to move. I want… I want to feel your weight on me when I touch you. I just… I don't want to lose that closeness yet."

She blushed, but didn't look away. I stared into her eyes, and there was so much emotion reflecting back. I wanted her, but that voice was getting louder, more clear.

Before I could open my mouth to say anything, her hand wrapped around me, her palm warm against my skin. I couldn't think about anything but the fact that her hand was on my dick. She squeezed a little as she moved up my shaft.

"Fuck," I groaned. My head fell against her shoulder, and I panted against her skin.

She moved slowly, learning me with her fingers. I could tell she'd never done it before, but it didn't matter. The slow pace of her hand gradually quickened. I was grunting and groaning, feeling myself harden further in her grasp. It felt so good to have her touching me. She had no idea the power she had. No clue at all.

My mouth found hers again, kissing her with a desire that practically immobilized my body. I wanted to be inside her so bad, to feel her wrapped around me, to be the only one who would ever feel her that way.

I was so fucking close to coming, but I wanted to do it inside her. I gripped her free hand, pulling it above her head and entwining our fingers, then reached between us, doing the same with her other hand, though she put up resistance. But the fact that my tongue was in her mouth kept her from being able to voice it.

I repositioned myself between her legs, then released one of her hands and gripped her thigh, pulling up higher against my waist to open her more. She wiggled just the slightest, and the tip of my cock grazed her opening. I felt that wet heat I'd been dying to bury myself in, the desire to feel her suffused through me. We both groaned into each other's mouths. I was right there, I just had to push forward, but that fucking voice I didn't want to hear was clear now, telling me something was off with Bella.

I broke the kiss, gasping for air while I leaned my forehead against hers as I tried to figure shit out. "If I don't stop now, I won't be able to stop myself from being inside you."

"Edward, you don't have to stop. I think I'm ready to-"

I knew then I had to stop. I had to move off her before there was no turning back. I sat up, running my hands roughly down my face. "That's exactly it. You _think_." I finally faced her. "I want you to be sure. Don't fucking do this because you think it's what I want you to do, Bella. I want you, that's obvious, but this isn't about me. I want you to feel ready to be with me.

"I don't want the first time I'm inside you to happen with you unsure, but you do it anyway because it's the only way you'll feel fucking wanted by me. You don't have to worry about that. I couldn't… I don't want you to regret it or end up resenting me because you felt pressured." I shook my head, sighing. "I'm doing this shit all wrong with you. I feel like I'm pressuring you into giving yourself to me, and that's not what I want. Not with you. I haven't even taken you on a real date. How shitty is that?"

She sat up, moving beside me, but the sheet was now covering her from the waist down. "Why?"

"Why what?" I asked.

"Why not me?"

I turned to look at her. "Because you're different. That's why." She blushed, but her eyes lit up as she gazed at me. "I want to be with you, but I won't fucking hurt you to make that happen, and if I fuck you right now, you're going to end up hurt because of it. Maybe not now, but you will later because it's not what you were really ready for. And all the other shit we do, we don't have to-"

Her eyes widened as she interrupted quickly. "I like the other shit we do, Edward. I like the way you make me feel, and I don't just think that you want to sleep with me and that's it. I'm not so innocent you know." She bit her lip. "I knew what I was doing when I confronted you. I guess I just never thought about how far it would go." I blinked at her. "I know that's stupid, considering, but I just… I wanted what happened, I did. I guess I just expected that you'd, you know, touch me and that's it."

I laughed. "Bella, do you have any idea how hard it is for me to just touch you and that's it? I've never wanted…" I shook my head. "It's not easy to stop with you, okay?"

She nodded. "I know, but you did." She was silent as she stared at my face, but then her eyes traveled lower, widening when she saw I was still hard. "You're still…. It hasn't-"

"It's not that easy to turn off, Bella," I smirked. "I'm just gonna take a cold shower, probably whack off." I wasn't ashamed to admit it. I stood up slowly, my body aching with the movement. I was so tense with need still.

"Edward." Bella reached for my hand, her eyes still on my dick. "I may not be ready to have sex just yet, but I still…." She paused as her eyes found mine. "You don't have to go take a cold shower or anything. I'd still like to touch you with my hand. I'd like to make you come too."

Needless to say, the shower was long fucking forgotten, and I did end up coming rather hard… by Bella's hand.

-OO-OO-

After spending the entire weekend with Bella, doing more than just talking but not yet having sex, much to my fucking dislike because my conscience is an asshole, I wasn't looking forward to going back to school. The more time that I spent just being with her, the more that that was really all I wanted to do.

Alice would make comments about how much Bella was changing me, even Esme and Carlisle expressed the difference in me, but I ignored the shit. It was true, but I still ignored it.

On Saturday, I took Bella to the movies during the matinee, and that was a feat in itself. It wasn't that I didn't like taking her out, it was just that I never went to the movies. I never did the date shit. I let her pick the movie to be a gentleman, and it ended up being some fucking movie called the _Notebook _for their "Remember that movie" weekend. I wanted to gouge my eyes out by the time it was finished, but I sat through that shit for her. Afterward, I took her home because she had to work, but we talked for an hour after she got off. That was a record for me.

Sunday was spent working, texting Bella, whacking off in the shower, texting Bella , eating dinner, whacking off again – I couldn't be held responsible for the second time. She told me my dick was cute, and I, oddly enough, found that shit hot - and then I passed the fuck out. I had a full schedule.

I was not thrilled when the alarm went off Monday morning, meaning I had to get out of bed and go to school, but I drug my ass out from under the covers, got ready and went and picked Bella up for school. The only good part about going was her.

I slept a solid eight hours, but I could not stay awake through class to save my ass. I figured I might be coming down with a cold or something. I did, however, feel a little more revived at lunch.

"What the hell's up with the sound effects, man?"

Emmett's elbow connecting with my arm disrupted me from watching Bella practically deep throat a banana. Okay, she was just eating the damn thing, but I had that selective perception shit. Everything she did, everything about her, made me need and want her so damn much that I actually ached to feel her fucking presence when she wasn't around. Hiding that fact wasn't going over so well anymore.

It was just as well, though, considering I was motherfucking hard, and apparently I was being all loud and shit about it.

My head snapped in his direction. "You don't gotta hit me, dick."

Emmett laughed. "It was either that, or sit here and watch you scale this table in about two seconds to fuck Bella. I'd need therapy for years after that shit."

"Like I'd actually fuck Bella right here in front of everyone."

Bella started choking on the banana, her face turning beet red as she looked at me all horrified. Alice was patting her back, asking her if she was alright. Apparently I said that shit too loud.

Emmett laughed. "Bella, you have to swallow the banana, not choke on it. You save the choking for-"

"Do not finish that sentence," Rosalie threatened.

I swear, in the way she stared at him, you could see the fiery pits of hell behind her eyes. She was probably incinerating his nuts where he sat. Not that I minded, because it would have saved me the trouble of doing it myself.

Emmett held up his hands in mock defeat, but kept laughing. Fucker. "Okay, okay." He looked from Rosalie to Bella. "I'm sorry, spitfire. I was just teasing ya."

Bella cleared her throat, the blush still present. "It's okay."

I wasn't sure if she was being truthful, so I mouthed, "Are you sure?" when her eyes met mine. She nodded back.

"So," Alice began, like she was trying to clear the air a bit. "Who all was planning to go on our class trip?"

Bella's eyes left mine, immediately focusing on Alice. "What class trip?"

Alice, the little fucking ball of sunshine that she was, started bouncing in her seat. "It's something for the juniors and seniors. I guess this year we're going to a family resort or something like that. I don't know all that much about the place, but I guess that's the plan. From what I hear, there's cabins and everything. The place is supposed to be pretty nice, well, as far as family resorts are concerned."

"Since when are cabins fancy?" Jessica asked. She shook her head as she glanced between us all. "I've never heard of a fancy cabin before."

"Well, I say hell yeah," Emmett yelled. "Coed, right?"

Alice chuckled. "Yeah, I don't think so. But I did hear there weren't enough teachers able to go as chaperones, so they recruited some recent graduates."

Emmett rubbed his hands together, a goofy fucking smile plastered on his face. "Even better."

"Where do you hear this shit?" Rosalie asked.

Alice shrugged. "The girls in the office. They like to gossip." She rolled her eyes for effect.

"That explains why you talk to them."

"Bite me, Rose," Alice replied playfully.

I didn't give a shit about the whole class trip thing, but the way Bella was hanging on Alice's words, it seemed she did. "So when does this trip happen? Is it too late to sign up or whatever?"

Alice turned to face her. "No, the details were just decided, I guess. But the trip is scheduled in March over spring break. Jasper and I will definitely be going. You should come."

Bella glanced back at me briefly, then shrugged as she looked at Alice again. "I'll think about it."

Conversation dwindled off to other mundane shit, and shortly after, the lunch bell rang. Bella didn't bring up the discussion at lunch while we were in Biology, not that we had much time to talk over Mr. Banner, anyway. It was like she was cryptically avoiding bringing it up, maybe thinking I wasn't up to talking about it. Maybe she figured I'd just tell her no, so there was no point in talking about it. I couldn't blame her if that was how she felt.

Honestly, I wasn't sure what to think about this whole class trip thing. I already had to endure all these fuckers Monday through Friday as it was. Why the hell did I also want to do it willingly on the only two days I had as a break from their asses?

Bella seemed to be pretty excited about going, though. Her face lit up when Alice mentioned going, and then she looked at me with those brown eyes that made me wanna do shit I never had the urge to before, especially going on a class trip.

The only thing I was sure of, though, was if Bella wanted to go there was no way I wasn't going too.

-OO-OO-

After school, I drove Bella home then headed to my place, going straight to my room. I pretty much did nothing but lay in fucking bed, thinking. It was something I did a lot lately. Being with Bella, the way she made me feel, it made me look at the shit I didn't want to, like I had to analyze these parts of me now and try to make the bad shit disappear somehow.

The nightmares, they still happened, but that darkness was all I had before, all I knew for a long damn time. But Bella, she was like this fucking star in a darkened sky, lighting shit up in the way that only Bella could. She was so goddamn unexpected, and the shit she made me feel was overwhelming at times, but I needed her. I couldn't fucking explain, let alone understand, how she could alter the inside of me so dramatically, making it so that breathing wasn't so painful anymore. I could wake up in the morning and not wish that this shithole of an existence would just swallow me up, and that gaping hole left inside me after my mom's death was that much smaller.

She worked her way inside me without my permission, and I fought her on that too, but she was fucking there, beating inside my chest. Emotions made me vulnerable, something I never wanted again because it was dangerous, but only Bella could make that shit impossible for me.

The thoughts about Bella and my mom were becoming too heavy, and I needed a distraction, so I grabbed my cell off the nightstand and started texting Bella.

_So, what are you doing? –E_

I groaned at the stupidity of the question, because I knew what the fuck she was doing.

_Umm… working. Lol._

_Then why the fuck are you answering your texts, Bella? Aren't you supposed to be working? ;) –E_

_Real funny, Edward. I wouldn't be answering texts if a certain someone wasn't texting me while I'm TRYING to work. _

_Tell whoever the fuck is texting you to knock that shit off, or I'll kick their ass. –E_

It took her a moment to respond back.

_Oh, we are a comedian tonight, are we? _

_Nah, just bored off my ass. –E_

_Everything okay? You seem off._

It amazed me how much she could see right fucking through me, even when she wasn't around me.

_Yeah, I just, you know, miss you and shit. –E_

It seemed almost an eternity before she answered, and that made me a bit nervous.

_Sorry, I had to put my phone away real quick. Paula almost caught me. And I miss you, too._

My chest swelled with satisfaction and this fucking warmth that circulated through my entire body.

_You maybe want some company on your lunch break? –E_

_I'd like that, but I wasn't planning on eating._

_And why is that? –E_

Another delay in her texts. I figured she was probably stocking shit, or maybe someone was around so she couldn't respond right away.

_Well, I was planning on going back to the bookstore to see if they possibly had Pride and Prejudice yet. We have to choose a book in English to do an essay on, and that's the one I chose._

_I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, but I'll tell you what, I'll see if I can locate the damn thing and bring it to you on your break. Sound good? –E_

_You'd do that?_

_Yeah, I can do that for you. –E_

_Alright, thank you. I should really get back to work now, but I'll see you at lunch._

I got up out of bed, put on my shoes and headed downstairs. I passed Esme on the way into the kitchen. "You going out?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. I'm gonna… uh… meet Bella on her lunch break."

She smiled. "Oh, well, that's very nice of you. You two have fun."

I gave her a slight nod as I moved out the back door and headed to my car.

The local bookstore still didn't have Pride and Prejudice. I had the guy working the desk search that entire store three times. And seeing as Forks wasn't a big town and shit, there wasn't any more bookstores around. I even tried the library; they had one copy, which of course was checked out. Getting the book seemed pretty damn important to Bella, and I had enough time, so I drove to Port Angeles, figuring they'd probably have it somewhere.

Two fucking bookstores later, and I still hadn't found that book. I was beginning to think every asshole in a fifty mile radius decided to buy the damn thing. If it was that good of a book, it had to have lots of porn in it or something.

I was about ready to give up, but decided to turn down a side road and scope the stores on either side of the road, hoping to get lucky. As luck would have it, the last store on the left hand side was a place called, Books and Things. I parked the car and headed inside.

There was no one, and I mean no one, in that place. Books lined a shit ton of shelves, but there weren't any people browsing them. I wasn't about to look through that mess, so I went straight to the front desk.

There was a bell sitting beside the register. I hit that damn thing at least twenty times, had turned around and was just about to leave when a voice behind me asked, "Can I help you?"

The voice was familiar.

I turned around, and he smiled as soon as he saw me, recognizing me immediately. I knew he did before he said anything. "Well, look who the cat drug in to my store." He shook his head, chuckling. "Small world, heh, boy?"

He wasn't shielded in the coat that made him look like an Eskimo, but I knew who he was. He was the same asshole who at one time thought he'd give me unwanted advice, and of all places, I had to end up in his fucking store.

-OO-OO-OO-

I know I sort of cockblocked there, but don't hate me too much. I promise I'll make it up. ;)

**If you aren't able to review and want to, just review without signing in. I know some people have had problems doing so because it says they already reviewed this chapter. **


	13. Chapter 13: Is It Fate?

So sorry for the delay, loves. Again, RL has kicked my ass, but things are so much better. I'll be starting regular updates again, which means they'll be coming your way bi-weekly, except for the week of May 17. I'm having surgery, so the update will be delayed a week, unless I can crank out another chapter before then. I'll attempt it, but I have 2 other stories I DESPERATELY have to update, too. This is part filler, part not, but it was needed.

Anyway, I wanna thank my wifey, Sophy, for always being there. I have no idea what I'd do without you, bb. ILY! I wanna thank j_carroll7 for prereading over this last minute for me. You rock, girly! ILY! And last but not least, I wanna thank my readers for sticking with me. I know it's been a long, tough road, but I'm not quitting until this bad boy is completely finished, and I'm so grateful for your continuous support. Much love and I hope you enjoy.

-OO-OO-OO-

**Chapter 13: Is it Fate?**

**"Lonely Road Of Faith"**

Up and down that lonely road of faith

I have been there

Unprepared for the storms and the tides that rise

I've realized one thing, how much I love you

And it hurts to see, see you cryin'

I believe we can make it through the winds of change

**Edward**

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Tact was not one of my strong suits, but that was a moot point.

The old man grinned, the type of grin that made you want to beat someone with their own goddamn arm, simply because it said they knew something about you that you didn't. "I bet you aren't accused of being word graceful with that mouth of yours."

"No, but I'm accused of being other things with it." Again, tact was not on the scene. Not fucking surprising.

I figured I'd derail him a bit with my response, or at the very least piss him off – I was okay with that - but nothing about his expression said he was surprised by my comment. In fact, the smirk he had in place told me that he'd expected it. "I see some things haven't changed." He cocked his head to the side, eyes slightly squinted as he studied me. Once again, I felt like he was seeing through me. I didn't like it, and I was about to ask him what his goddamn problem was when he full on smiled. "And some things do change."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

He laughed. "That angel of yours been working wonders on you, boy." I knew what he said wasn't meant as a question.

"That's none of your business," I growled.

His smile remained. "Oh, I wasn't expecting an answer from ya. Not when I already know it."

"You don't know shit about me."

He shook his head as he chuckled. "We both know that to be an untrue statement. But if that's what you need to believe in order to sleep at night, then you go right on ahead with it."

How I managed not to fly over the counter and punch the fucker in the jaw was a miracle in itself. "Why don't you do us both a favor and keep your nose out of things that have nothing to do with you. Instead of opening your mouth and saying shit no one wants to hear, why don't you actually do your job and find a book I need."

He came around from behind the desk, but his eyes remained on me, smile still present. "You need a book, heh? Tell me what it is, and I'll let ya know if I have it."

He stopped directly in front of me, but I took a step back before answering him. He was invading my personal space and shit. Not fucking okay. "Pride and Prejudice."

He laughed, the guttural sound echoing through the poorly lit room. "Interesting choice, but I happen to have one copy left. Follow me."

I wasn't too keen on following the asshole – he could be a serial bookstore killer for all I knew – but the book was important to Bella, and I'd already exhausted every other bookstore near Forks. So, if I was going to die in the pits of a rundown bookstore, at least it would have been for a worthy fucking cause. Unfortunately for me, Bella wouldn't know that fact because she'd never get the book if I was dead, but I digress. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right?

I followed behind as he weaved through book aisles in search of Bella's book. I didn't walk too closely, though. I left enough space just in case I had to make a quick escape. I may have been following him, but I wasn't a complete dumb ass.

After we'd made it halfway to China and back from this one little book store – the aisles were fucking endless and apparently road mapped to other countries – he stopped mid aisle and reached upward, grabbing a book off the top shelf of the book case.

Dust particles came tumbling down, polluting the air. I could feel the asthma settling in my fucking lungs. "Jesus, do you ever clean this shit?"

"I don't get many customers these days," he chuckled.

"No kidding? That wouldn't be because coming here is hazardous to their health, would it? Come for a book and leave with asbestos? That's a sweet deal if I ever heard one."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't see comedy in your future."

I pretended to be disappointed and frowned for effect. "There you go ruining a young man's dreams. Now what am I gonna do when I grow up? I have nothing to fall back on."

"Smart ass," he mumbled. He held the book out to me. "Here's what you're looking for."

I reached for it, but he gripped the book tight between his fingers, keeping me from pulling it free from his grasp, as he stared me dead in the eyes. "I can't imagine someone like you wanting anything to do with a book like this, so I'm venturing a guess that's it's for your angel. The fact that you're here getting this for her proves you aren't completely lost, boy." I rolled my eyes, probably because I didn't have anything clever to fucking say at the moment – that was a goddamn shocker - but my hold loosened on the book, anyway.

"You care about her, and someone who is lost, they don't much care about anything, let alone another human being. Love is a wondrous thing, boy. It heals a person's soul in ways you never expected. Like I told you before, you can fight all you want, but when an angel comes along and sets her sights on you, fighting is a waste of energy - it's just counterproductive. You gotta let her heal what's broken."

"You have a point with this shit?"

"Point is, she's your fate, and you can't fight fate."

I had no idea why I stood there listening to the shit he was saying, and even more, why I responded back, but my legs held me in place and my mouth opened, spilling words out. "You keep going on and on with these sermons, but the thing I can't figure out is why you care. My life doesn't affect you at all."

He let go of the book, sighing loudly as he stared at me. "You're right. What happens to you technically doesn't affect me at all. I could keep to myself and let the cards fall as they may, but I've been down the road you're headed, and if interfering where maybe I shouldn't keeps you from making the mistakes I did, then I'll live with my choices. Some mistakes you just can't take back. You need to remember that."

"I'm not you," I spat.

"No, you're not," he agreed. "But you could end up like I did, and that's something I'd wish on no one. My angel saved me, and I've been doing a lot since to try to redeem myself for the things I've done in my past. As I said, some things you can't undo. But you, you still got time to change. You aren't that far gone yet, and you're younger than I was when I self-destructed. Trust me when I tell you that you don't wanna go down that road. It leads right to hell."

"I hate to break it to you, but I'm already there."

He smirked, and again, it was the type that said he held the knowledge of something I didn't. "You haven't seen hell yet, boy, but it'll welcome you with open arms if that's what you want. The choice is yours to make, just be sure you're ready for what's to come." He pointed toward the book. "The one you came here for, she's your second chance, and throwing it away would be in vain.

"I'm trying to help you, maybe because I want you to have the choice I didn't. You can take my advice or leave it. The decision is ultimately yours. But know this, if you continue down that road, you aren't the only one paying the price for it." His eyes shifted down toward the book, then back to me. "She'll pay the price, too, along with anyone else who cares about you."

I was done, I'd heard enough, and I was ready to leave. I reached into my pocket, pulled out a twenty and tossed it at him. I had no idea if it was enough for the book, but I didn't fucking care. "I don't need your help, and I sure as hell didn't ask for it. Keep the fuck out of my life."

As I turned around and headed toward the door, I heard him say, "You do, more than you know, and you'll be back, boy."

-OO-OO-

After leaving the bookstore, I was in a pretty shitty mood. I gripped the steering wheel tight within my hands as I traveled back to Forks, trying to relieve some of the frustration I felt before I met up with Bella.

Buildings, cars, street lights, pretty much everything was a blur as I drove. I couldn't focus on my surroundings too well because I was too lost in my head and how I was feeling.

The old man had a way of getting under my skin, making me fucking angry, yet I'd actually mull over what he said. I sure as hell didn't get why, because I couldn't stand that he seemed to see right inside me like Bella could, but then I thought a part of me, the part that Bella opened up, figured if he turned out okay, then there was still hope for me.

I knew that I was tired of being tired inside from wanting all the pain to hollow me out so I couldn't feel anything. Feeling like that was so goddamn exhausting, and when I was with Bella, she made me realize that everything wasn't so bleak or blanketed with pain; there were things worth living for. Hell, there were things worth feeling for. And I wanted it all with her, I did, yet I constantly questioned whether I deserved it.

But I was still angry at how the old man picked me apart, dissecting every piece and learning shit about me I didn't want him to know. I was angry yet hopeful at the same time. Maybe that made me a walking contradiction. I guess I was angry at myself for feeling hopeful at all. My mom wasn't able to feel anything anymore, and here I was actually feeling something good. That shit wasn't fair.

I pulled into the parking lot of the store five minutes before Bella's break started. I was still stewing over the bookstore incident, not to mention the other shit going through my mind like a repetitive horror flick. It was a vicious cycle.

When I was alone, that's when everything that threatened to weigh me down sunk its hooks into me, letting me know it was still there, always there, waiting for its time to tear me apart. But when I was with Bella, I almost felt like someone else. I felt more anchored.

Even still, I knew that the dark in me constantly warred against the light I found through Bella, but I had no idea which part would win and where that would leave me.

I took a deep breath, running my hands roughly down my face, before I opened the car door and made my way inside the store. I went through the back because I didn't feel like dealing with anyone but Bella. I waited by the time clock for her.

As soon as she saw me, her eyes lit up and she smiled. "Hey. You haven't been waiting long, have you?"

I shook my head. "No." My tone was gruffer than I intended.

The smile fell and worry settled over her features. "You okay?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Can we just go out to my car?"

Her eyes traveled over my face, like clues to what might be wrong could possibly be embedded within my skin, before she nodded slowly. "Okay."

I turned around and headed out the back door, hearing the time clock as I pushed my way outside. I stood looking toward the darkened sky. Seconds later, the door opened and shut behind me. "Edward?"

My focus locked on a star that was brighter than others surrounding it. I wondered if it was a coincidence. "Yeah?"

She sighed, then I felt her hand on my back. The warmth of her touch permeated through my jacket. "Is something wrong? You seemed okay in the texts earlier. I just… Did I do something?"

I didn't turn around. "No."

"Then what's wrong?" she asked. "What happened from the time we talked until now?"

"Bella, I really don't want to talk about it."

"I understand. I just thought that maybe if you-"

I turned around, raising my voice. "I said I don't want to talk about it. Leave it alone." My anger wasn't meant for her, but it ended up directed at her, anyway. The words, the anger, it happened before I could stop it, proving the old man right, and that just pissed me off more.

The look on her face, like I'd slapped her, causing pain, it immediately sickened me to the pit of my stomach. She was the last person in this world I wanted to hurt, yet I'd just hurt her.

She walked past me, finally stopping but with several feet distance between us. I hated the fucking distance, and I hated that she was disappointed in me because I once again had to act like an asshole. None of this was her fault, and disappointing her was like ripping out my guts. "You can't just act like that with me, Edward. Not now. Not after everything. We're not breaking ground between us, then back stepping. I won't do that. You don't want to talk to me, okay, but I need you to at least trust in me."

"I do," I told her, trying to emphasize through my tone that I was telling the truth. "You're probably the only fucking person I do trust, Bella. Do you realize how hard that shit is to admit?"

She turned back around, nodding. "Yes, I do." Her eyes were staring into mine and not beyond me, thankfully. "But I think-"

I shook my head as I stepped forward, reaching for her. I just needed to feel her and the strength her touch gave me. "I don't think you do realize what it's like for me. It's _you_, Bella." I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her body against mine. She didn't fight me, just sighed, and I was thankful for that shit because I needed her. "Jesus, I can't even fucking breathe without feeling you run through my veins. Do you have any idea what it's like to be so consumed by one person that you feel them in everything you do?"

Her right hand came up to caress my face as a single tear slid down her cheek. "Yes."

My eyes closed at her touch. "You do, heh?"

I felt her warm breath on my skin as she spoke. It sent these goddamn electric chills up my spine. "Yes, Edward, I do. It's not any different for me, you know? I always think about you, always feel you around me..." She swallowed thickly as she paused. "I always miss you to the point my chest aches if I'm not near you. It terrifies me to feel this way about you."

I opened my eyes, meeting hers, before asking her the same damn question I'd been asking myself. "Why does it terrify you?"

"Because you're so unpredictable." She glanced away briefly before looking back at me. "And because the way I feel about you, it makes it possible for you to hurt me in a way no one else could. You could break this heart in my chest. It may not really be mine, but you could break it… and I'd feel it."

"That's not going to fucking happen, Bella. I'm not going anywhere." No matter what else I tried to lie to myself about, the one thing I did know and couldn't deny was that leaving her wasn't a possibility now.

"You don't know what will happen. Neither of us have any idea what the future holds."

"You're right," I agreed. "We don't, but I know how I feel right now… about you. I know what the fuck I want. Doesn't that count for anything?"

Her eyes cast downward as she drew her bottom lip into her mouth, biting it nervously, still so unsure of herself and how I viewed her. I didn't like the doubt she carried, not when it came to me, but I guess my asshole tendencies didn't help that much. "How… how do you feel right now, Edward? What do you want?"

"I know that this shit between us, Bella, the way I feel when I'm with you, that's something I don't want to lose. It took a long time for me to admit that to myself and to you, because we both know I can be a major dick about things, like tonight, but I want you. I always want you. That's how I feel, and that's what the fuck I want."

Her eyes shifted back upward, looking right into mine. More tears glided down her cheeks. "But how do you-"

I shook my head, immediately silencing her words, while gripping her chin and forcing her to keep from looking away, because I knew she was about to. "No buts, Bella. You told me that I needed to trust you, but you gotta do the same with me. I know I don't make it easy, and I'm gonna try to do better with that, but trust that I want you, that I'm going to keep wanting you, because I do. You're the only thing in this goddamn world that I know I can't be without, angel eyes. I never thought I'd be able to say that shit and mean it, but I do. I can't go back now. You're too important to me."

"Then why did you shut down on me tonight? Why were you so angry with me when you got here?"

I held her in my arms still, but glanced off into the darkness beyond us. "I was angry, yeah, but it wasn't you I that was angry with. That's not an excuse for why I treated you like I did. There are things, Bella, things you don't know. There's shit inside my head that fucks with me in ways I can't begin to explain."

"Edward, please look at me." The way she pleaded with me, I couldn't deny her what she asked, so I gave her what she wanted. Her eyes stared into mine, always searching. I could also tell she was starting to get cold. "Is that… what happened tonight?"

I shrugged. "Yes and no. I mean, it didn't just happen. I kinda had some help."

She shook her head, her forehead creased in confusion. Her teeth were starting to chatter from the cold. "I d-don't understand what you m-mean."

I took a step back, dropping my arms from around her, and reached for her hand. "Come to the car with me where it's warm and I'll explain."

She followed behind willingly, and as soon as we were seated inside, I started the car, turning the heater on high to warm it up. She was shivering, and I hated the idea of her being uncomfortable in anyway. I'd already done enough tonight to make her feel that way.

"You still cold?" I asked. She nodded. I scooted the driver's seat back, making more room, then motioned to her with my finger. "Come here, baby." I reached for her, pulling her onto my lap, and wrapped my arms around her. Once she was seated comfortably, she rested her head against my shoulder – her legs were stretched out onto the passenger seat - and snuggled into me.

"You smell good," she whispered against my neck.

I kissed the top of her head, inhaling the strawberry scent that was Bella. "Mmmm… So do you."

"So what happened tonight?" she asked.

I chuckled. I should have known she wouldn't let it go. "You don't forget anything, do you?"

I felt her shake her head against my shoulder. "Nope."

I exhaled deeply, then wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. "The morning after what happened between us in the hallway at my place, everything was getting to me, mostly how I felt about you. I couldn't fucking sleep because it was all I was thinking about. I knew you were in Alice's room, right there, and I wanted you so much, but I told myself it couldn't happen. It got to be too much, you know, so I got up and put some clothes on, then took off. I ended up in the woods across the street. I kept on, figuring I could somehow outrun everything, and I ended up running into this old man. I really don't know how to explain what happened, but the asshole seemed to just know shit about me."

She lifted her head to look me in the eyes. "Like what?"

"Like everything. He knew I was running away from things I didn't want to shoulder. He said he could see pain inside me because someone who knows pain well recognizes it in others. He knew about you." Her eyes widened. "Well, at least that there was someone who was good for me that I didn't want to let in. He told me I wouldn't be able to shut you out, that I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. He was right about that, wasn't he? I couldn't stay away from you. But the whole conversation was still odd."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Even if he was pretty accurate. They say everything does happen for a reason, though."

"You mean, like, destiny?"

She shrugged. "I guess. Or fate."

"I don't know if I believe in that shit, Bella."

"I think maybe you do, you just don't want to admit it to yourself. We all have a destination, Edward. Some people believe we control our fate, but there are some things we can't control and some things we can't change. You and I both know that. We have choices, yes, which is part of free will, but our paths are already laid out for us. The ending destination will always be the same, even if some choices take us down other paths."

I suppose I shouldn't have been so shocked by what she said. "When did you get so deep on me, Swan?"

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "When I realized time wasn't on my side."

"Don't say that shit." I didn't even want to think about what that meant.

She cradled my face within her hands. "You know what I meant." She pressed her lips against mine, and not that I didn't love kissing Bella, I knew it was meant to distract me. "Was that all that happened with him?"

"Huh?" Obviously I'd been thoroughly distracted.

"The old man you were talking about, was that all that happened?"

"Oh, yeah, pretty much. He just went on to give me advice and shit. It was unwanted, but he didn't seem to care."

"So all of this tonight was about what happened then, when you came across this man?"

"No." I shook my head. "I saw him again tonight when I went looking for your book."

"You did?"

I nodded. "Let me tell you, that book was not fucking easy to find, and the last damn bookstore I end up in just happens to be his."

"Really? So what happened?" she asked.

"We recognized each other, of course. I asked about the book, he said he had it, I followed him to get it, then he proceeded to do what he does best, which is interfering in my life."

"Well, what did he say?"

"What didn't he say? I mean, it was pretty much the same shit as before, but he said he could tell I was different, and that it was obviously because of you. He said I needed to let you heal me, whatever that meant. He told me I still had time to change, and the only reason he was saying anything was to help me."

"And what did you say to that?"

"I told him I didn't need his help, but he seemed to think differently. It just… The whole thing pissed me off, Bella."

She pressed her forehead to mine, smiling. "It's because you don't like being figured out, Edward. It sounds a lot like the way you were with me." I started to cut her off, but she stopped me. "Just hear me out, okay? I'm not saying that it was that man's place to interfere or that it wasn't strange, and I know there are things you haven't told me, like what happened with your mom, but I'm hoping eventually you will. Sometimes talking to people helps in ways you don't expect.

"Telling you about my transplant was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I felt lighter after I did, like I was free…" She paused, contemplating something before she began speaking again. "Maybe, maybe your paths crossing happened for a reason. Maybe you were meant to meet him."

I didn't believe meeting this man had anything to do with fate. "I really don't think meeting him has anything to do-"

"That's all I'm saying. Just think about it," she interrupted. "I have to get back to work now." She started to move off me, but I gripped her hand, holding her in place.

"Hold on a second," I told her. "I have something for you." She leaned back against the steering wheel as I reached around to the backseat, grabbing the book off the floorboard. I turned back around, handing it to her, and the smile I was rewarded with made that familiar warmth suffuse through my chest.

"Thank you," she whispered before leaning forward and pressing her lips against mine.

"Anytime." I meant that shit, too.

I walked her back inside, because I didn't want to leave her, stealing another kiss before I left. The moment I stepped back into the cool darkness, thoughts started running rampant within my head. I knew I was in for a long fucking night.

-OO-OO-

I barely heard the alarm when it went off, but that fact didn't negate the damn thing ending up on my bedroom floor. I hadn't gotten much sleep because of the commotion inside my head. I had a lot to think about, and unfortunately, my mind wanted to dwell on it when I should have been sleeping.

I drug myself out of bed. It wasn't an easy fucking feat, but I managed. After a ten minute shower, mostly to wake my ass up, I got dressed and left without any breakfast. I headed to straight to Bella's – I really needed to see her - but when I got there, her truck was already gone.

I was a bit disappointed, because I'd wanted to spend a little time with her before school, but I knew I'd at least see her for a few minutes before final bell.

Her truck was already in the parking lot when I got there, sitting empty, so I parked beside her. She wasn't waiting at her locker when I made it inside, so I figured maybe she'd be waiting at mine. She wasn't there, but Alice was.

She smiled, though cautiously, when she saw me. "Bella wanted me to let you know that she had to talk to Mr. Berty about something to do with her report, but she'd see you between classes."

"Yeah, thanks. But why didn't she wait for me this morning at her place?"

She shrugged. "I don't know." The smile she tried to stave off told me otherwise.

"Right. Anyway, I have to get my books and get to class," I told her.

She actually bobbed up and down on her heels as she smiled at me. I was waiting for a ray of sunshine to burst out her ass. The shit was seriously creeping me out. "Yep. I guess I'll see you later."

I shook my head as she walked away and proceeded to open my locker. As soon as it was completely open, light from the hallway reflected off something that was sitting on the top shelf of my locker, catching my eye. It was a glass shaped heart.

I leaned back, looking down both ends of the hallway, before picking it up and noticing there was something inside it. I lifted the lid, and inside was a folded yellow paper, a small silver key beside it.

I knew then this little glass heart was the reason behind Alice being a bit too lively toward me this morning. I opened the paper, instantly recognizing Bella's handwriting.

_Edward,_

_I thought a lot about our conversation last night. You know, the whole fate and destiny thing? So much has happened since I moved here to Forks, but I can honestly say that I'm glad I did, mostly because of you. It hasn't always been easy, but I have no regrets._

_I guess that's what all this is about. It's about me doing what feels right in the moment, while I can, so I don't have regrets later. I don't want to miss a chance I should have taken. Meeting you made me realize that. Only God knows what time I have left on this earth, but I want to truly live while I'm on it. I know what you're thinking, and I'm okay. Nothing is wrong. That's not the reason behind this letter, so you can put that worry to ease._

_I just wanted to tell you that you gave me something I never thought I'd have, Edward. You gave me the opportunity to truly feel for someone else. I'm sitting here looking at this paper, scared at what I'm admitting, and I can't believe I'm writing these words, but it doesn't change what I feel. I know that might scare you, to know that I feel that way, but I needed you to understand that no matter what demons you carry from your past, how damaged you might believe yourself to be, you still have the capacity to make someone feel something so deeply for you._ _You're a good man, and I believe in you._

_That glass heart represents what beats inside my chest, what I feel for you. I've given you the key, Edward. As you can see, it's fragile, but this is me trusting in you enough to hand it over. Please take good care of it. _

_Yours,_

_Bella_

I stood there, staring openmouthed at the letter Bella wrote. In my other hand was Bella's heart, figuratively speaking. She was trusting in me to keep it safe, not to break it, and I'd be lying if I said that being responsible for something so precious didn't scare the shit out of me.

I was feeling a whirl wind of emotions slamming into me one after another. This heart represented so much more, meant we were more, meant I had to be more for her. As I stared down at the glass heart, seeing the silver key lying inside, I knew it also meant that I finally had to admit to myself what I felt for Bella. I had fallen for her.

-OO-OO-OO-

Next update will be in Bella's pov. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
